Transracial adoption article: Can a white mother love a blk. baby...?

[bliss_eternal]

Are you my mother? Can a white woman mother a Black baby? Black social workers say no. But others say love has no color -
Essence, April, 1991 by Karen Grigsby Bates


ARE YOU MY MOTHER?

Can a white woman mother a Black baby? Black social workers say no. But others say love has no color

The MacLaren Children's Center near Los Angeles is a large facility designed to house temporary children who have been abandoned, abused and neglected. In theory, MacLaren is a place where children can be sheltered and cared for until they are placed in a foster home or, if they're lucky, adopted. In practice, a child could live at MacLaren for years.

Seven-month-old Gracie, a "failure-to-thrive baby," had been at MacLaren since she was 4 months old. She was dehydrated and malnourished and had a detached retina that gave her a "wandering eye." Although infants are usually the first to be claimed by prospective adoptive parents, the caretakers at MacLaren were afraid that Gracie would be with them for a very long time. Developmentally she was months behind a normal infant, and her special needs and increasing age made her a poor prospect for adoption.

But Gracie was lucky: Somebody wanted her. Tracie Hotchner, a Los Angeles screenwriter who had done volunteer work at MacLaren for two years, had fallen in love with the baby. She felt that many of Gracie's problems could be minimized with personal, one-on-one care, which she and her mate, film producer Frank Yablans, were anxious to give. Hotchner approached the Los Angeles County Children's Services Department, which put her in touch with its adoption division. But there Hotchner was told in no uncertain terms that she was considered unsuitable for consideration as a foster mother. Hotchner is white; Gracie is Black.

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taken from:
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1264/is_n12_v21/ai_10514741

Anyone care to discuss this issue? Or share from your personal experience? :hi: Apologies for this being such an old article. I came across it during an unrelated search and thought it was interesting.

Just to get things rolling...

I think anyone that wants to argue that race has any basis in one's ability to love another being, has a lot to learn about life and love, but that's just my $.02 for what it's worth.

[Brewman_Jax]

1. Love is not the question...

and neither is whether or not they can provide a good home. The real question is: can said parents prepare said child to survive in a racial caste system when the upper caste protection will not extend to the child? Tim Wise makes a telling point about that in this essay entitled "Sex Across the Color Line." http://www.blackcommentator.com/71/71_wise_sex.html Going to a black church doesn't make one black anymore than going to a white church makes one white. Personally, I'd sooner have surgery without anesthetic than sit in a standard black church service for 3 hours listening to a humming preacher and 200-member choir.

That, in no way, changes the fact that this society at large has defined me, without my consent, as black regardless of how I live my life. I wasn't raised stereotypical "black" (whatever that means :shrug:) being the offspring of a very light-skinned mother (who doesn't tan to this day ). To this society, I'm black in spite of the fact that I can speak proper English and don't sound stereotypically "black", I don't go to church, didn't grow up in the projects, I don't have an Arabic-sounding or made-up name, don't play basketball, don't wear bling and don't wear my hat on backwards (I'm over 40, I'm too old for that :P) I do follow Tao, practice taichi, love watching and playing soccer, watch Shakespeare plays, go to Renaissance Festivals, to name a few. My brothers go to sci-fi conventions, play RPG's, go to Renaissance Festivals, to name some un-stereotypical events.

Okay, one stereotypical thing, we do like old school rap--and some of the newer stuff.

I think that every child should have a good and loving home and not be wards of the state (if possible), regardless of the provider's race, marital status, or orientation.

[bliss_eternal]

4. Wow--I can really relate to so much of what you shared...!

Though my parents grew up in segregated times, they didn't discuss race with us. Looking back on this I always think it odd. Since they didn't talk about race, we weren't really taught about a social caste system on any level. I had to learn about it on my own, and to a degree from other family members that grew up in the south and were very aware of it's existence. But that was weird. It was kind of like trying to find the truth from extremes--one side didn't talk about race, the other side everything was race(i.e. Cracker this, and Mr. Charlie that). :shrug:

Growing up in a family like this, I didn't know how to deal with accusations of "not being black" or "black enough" from other children and black society at large. I grew up in a time where being light was STILL taboo and different and if you didn't talk like everyone else you took heat for it. In many ways I know that eventually I got tired of the abuse and questions. So in time I shyed away from working in or spending time in predominately black environments because I got so tired of weird stereotypes of "light skinned women," most of which had little to do with who I really was. :eyes:

Having said all of this, I guess my point is both of my parents shared my ethnicity, yet neither gave me (or my sibling) the tools we needed to address the racial social caste system. Having even one parent share your race doesn't seem to me a guarantee that you will get appropriate lessons on "the man" or race relations. LOL! I learned it, of course or I wouldn't be here but it was a long term independent study in so many ways. ;)

[Samurai_Writer]

2. Let's take this one step further...

A white mother has a baby by a black father. The father abandons the mother and child. Is the mother still capable of loving that half-black baby and raising it?

A black mother has a baby by a white father. The father abandons the mother and child. Is the mother still capable of loving that half-white baby and raising it?

Children need loving homes, period. Whether black, white, brown, yellow, straight, gay, christian, jewish, muslim, etc.

[bliss_eternal]

3. Great question, RadFemFl...

I wish I was aware of this article when it was published, as these responses would have made GREAT letters to the editor.

The man I consider a guitar GOD, Tom Morello(formerly RATM, Audioslave) is bi-racial (or mixed whatever term one prefers). His mother is white and raised him alone in Chicago when his father returned to his home country.

Mary Morello is an amazing woman-white, black, blue or yellow--she ROCKS! She loved her son and was able to provide him the tools he needed to grow up in our society's racial caste system.

:hi: So good to see you posting here!

[kwassa]

5. My wife and I are trying to adopt right now

She's black, I'm white. Things have changed very much since this article was written, and this racial blockade is also a thing of the past. Transracial adoptions are common, though the most common form is white Americans adopting Asian or Hispanic babies.

Virtually all adoptions right now are open to some degree, the old closed adoption being a thing of the past. As we are adopting domestically, we will probably adopt a biracial or black child, though we are open to pretty much anything.

We have white friends who adopted two black children in the mid '80s, and had to adopt them from Brazil due to the politics of transracial adoption back then, but as I said, things have changed. There are a number of white celebrities with adopted black children right now, which indicates to some degree the increasing normalcy of the situation.

One local boy, the black comedian Tommie Davidson, was adopted and brought up by white parents quite a long time ago, so it did happen.

I also don't follow Essence Magazine, but I have been told by those that do is that there is an editorial bias against interracial couples, as seen over time by the type of articles they publish.

[bliss_eternal]

6. They speak of interracial couples like we're a 'trend'

which pisses me off (Essence magazine, I mean). :eyes: I was an Essence subscriber for years during college. When I noticed some of their less progressive views I stopped. One of their editors sent me personal letters for months asking me why, as I was such a loyal subscriber to them. To this day, I don't "buy" Essence or read them regularly. I may glance through it at the hair salon or in the supermarket check out line, but buy it and read it--no.

I did glance at one of their recent articles about interracial relationships. :banghead: Their voice on this issue still doesn't read well to me. I don't like the idea that my relationship is "trendy" or that I just got tired to waiting for a man of my ethnicity to "get it together." :eyes: Bah!

Hi Kwassa! I just brought this old, out of date article here for the sake of discussion. :) I figured most here would know how trends have changed, given we have a few transracial adoptive parents that frequent this board.

I'm happy to hear that you and your wife are in the process of adopting right now! How exciting!! :bounce: Best wishes on it all, hope the process doesn't drag on too long and you get a little one very soon!

:hi:

[judaspriestess]

7. Although I am not a mother to humans :-)

but to my pets, A white mother can love a blk baby. Why not, love is love and a child is going to respond to love not the color of someone's skin. I was just getting ready to volunteer at a local hospital and they needed help in the nursery. I was looking foward to being there for all the babies. Blk, white, brown, red, yellow. It does not matter. My volunteer efforts have been delayed for now.

[bliss_eternal]

8. judaspriestess you crack me up!

Not a mother to humans... :rofl: Our animal babies become like children don't they?

I absolutely loved and adored my nieces and nephews. I didn't share their blood or their ethnicity...so what?! I know my niece loved me and didn't care that we didn't "look alike." I was there for her and did something even her parents didn't do, and couldn't. I talked with her and spent time with her. I really miss that kid. :cry: Hoping she is well, in spite of her ignorant parents.

[fortyfeetunder]

9. Subject: Read "The Color of Water" by James McBride

That was an eye-opener - auto/biographical novel of James McBride, the product of an interracial relationship (his mom was white). There was no question of unconditional love in that family

[MarianJack]

10. A Response Worth 4000+ Words!

This Picture is from April, 2003



This is from Spring of '04!



February of 2005



And July 4, 2006 (Lake St George State Park, Rte 3 in Maine)



I can assure you that our family, our American quilt of White Father, Hispanic Mother and African American Son, is a loving and close family.

The information in the article, if it ever was valid, is now archaic.

Thanks for opening up a thought provoking topic, bliss!

PEACE!

[bliss_eternal]

11. Such beautiful pictures...!

Thanks so much for sharing them here! :) I love pictures...you can tell so much sometimes from a picture. What I see in those pictures is a lot of love and happiness!

:hi:

[MarianJack]

14. Thanks, bliss!

We're not the Brady Bunch. We have, like any family, moments that are HELLACIOUS!

Fundamentally though, we all love each other.

EVERYTHING I do, I do for my wife and son.

PEACE!

[bliss_eternal]

12. Progressive homes vs. Conservative homes...

should have been the issue they looked at as far as I'm concerned. When people that have "odd ideas" about various races, decide to be foster families. :scared: That leaves me rather uneasy.

I do sometimes see some things that make me concerned when in Orange County. There seem to be many biracial children in the foster care system there, and lots of families with the means to take in kids. But frankly, it pisses me off when I see these kids getting into the cars of people with "W" stickers on their cars. :cry::mad::scared:

I probably shouldn't assume that everyone that voted for * is hateful, but I don't think it's a radical assumption to make. A large factor for many that vote republican is fear--fear of social programs, fear of "those brown people" taking over everything. :eyes:

I've seen and heard too many retarded comments come out of the mouths of people that live out there in regard to people of color. Heck--I heard my share of comments when dh and I married and we had to deal with people in that area. The assumptions they made based on my race blew my mind. :banghead: Orange County doesn't have a great history regarding "race relations" either.

I have a "theory" as to why we now have people of color that are republicans. So many moved to predominately conservative, frequently caucasian neighborhoods when they had the ability to do so, believing it provided a better life for kids, etc. Once there, some just assimilated and in the process adopted a lot of their political beliefs thinking they were protecting their way of life by doing so. Of course this isn't applicable to everyone. There are probably many republicans of color that just drank the Kool-aid and liked it. :P

My theory is based on some that I met in college and while working various places. So bizarre to hear people of your ethnicity referring to people that look just like you do as "those people." So surreal and sad, and I really didn't understand WHY. As I learned more of their background I found some seemed to buy into the conservative (and sometimes caucasian) ideals while growing up in such communities. They grew up kind of denying part of who they were to fit in better. It was really weird to encounter such a thing. I didn't grow up in the suburbs, so this was totally foreign to me.

Anyway, meeting people like that makes me concerned for children of color growing up in conservative homes.

Sorry I went off on a strange tangent there. Hope that made sense. :crazy:

[MarianJack]

13. It Makes Perfect Sense.

I am amazed at ethnic rightists.

It reminds me of Clay Sommers, an African American Delegate to the 1972 Democratic convention who placed his name in nomination for vice-president. Another African American (possibly, but i don't think, Jesse Jackson) was asked for comment he said "Any Black man who comes here pledged to george wallace doesn't know who the enemy is!"

[bliss_eternal]

15. Thanks, MarianJack...

I appreciate your understanding! :hi:

Sometimes I see the foster parents of these kids, getting into cars with "W/Cheney" stickers and I worry. I'm concerned that at some level they may be raising the kids to hate what and who they come from, to be the kind of people to grow up and vote against their own interests.

Of course, the kids could be particularly resilient and realize it's all crap. :P They could grow up to be even more progressive than we are! Imagine that. ;)

My parents divorced when I was very young, but for a good number of years, I was raised by a republican minority that voted against their own interests. :shrug: I never understood why. But deep inside, I knew that it was the wrong choice for me and followed my own path.

[judaspriestess]

16. marianjack what beautiful pictures n/t