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As I said before, I have no personal dispute with you.
Forgiveness is rarely (if ever) instantaneous, especially when feelings are hurt. But forgiveness is a Christian principle which is fundamental (sorry for that word), in order to fully understand and more authentically "live out" our faith. Jesus makes it clear that those who refuse to forgive others will not be forgiven by God. Forgiveness also has to be practiced, not just talked about.
Unfortunately, one of the things Jesus didn't say was that forgiveness is a process, not a simple task. Forgiveness takes time, patience, and commitment. I am prepared to work on forgiving, and hope you are willing as well.
It takes a great deal of humility and introspection to examine one's actions and "fess up." Confession is not easier for pastors, I can assure you. Ordination did not remove my humanity, and I am just as susceptible to a wounded ego as anyone else. I also come with my own baggage that influences what I see around me. Some of my personal demons showed up that night, and I don't want to admit that: not to you, not to myself, and most certainly not to God.
I have spent a great deal of time re-reading the threads from that night, trying to piece together a chronology of events, and trying to figure out what happened and what went wrong. After two days, I still don't know.
Let me begin by saying I am sorry that you were personally attacked. I do not condone the actions of that person - they were inappropriate, and a violation of the DU rules.
But I believe it was equally inappropriate for the argument from GD to be linked to this group. I believe that in one of my first replies (either to you or someone else), I said that I was not only prepared to listen, but also to help her find a more constructive way of expressing herself. That became impossible when "outsiders" entered into the group, because she felt she was being attacked in her "safe place."
Although I did not see the full thread in GD, I saw most of what happened. The posts which I alerted on were deleted. I also saw firsthand what happened in this group - I saw all of the posts before they were deleted. They, too, were inappropriate, and I'm sorry if it appeared as if I was defending her actions. I was not. I was trying to restore calm.
PLEASE HEAR THIS: When a person is traumatized, they need a place where they can retreat, regroup, and take a break. That is one of the purposes of this group: to provide a safe haven, free from attack. I think if you look at the responses from the group members, you will see that concern was expressed, but so were words of caution. Our intention in these kind of situations is to listen, be compassionate, and PUT OUT THE FIRE. That member was in full-blown panic-mode, and clearly, was not able to rationalize.
What you saw as "defending your integrity," I saw as a brutal gang-rape. I am sorry if that offends you, but that's what it looked like to me. I am also distressed that this issue has spilled out onto other areas of DU. I can assure you that I am not attempting to stir up trouble, rally the troops, or any such nonsense. Where I have seen trouble, I have hit the alert button.
I am also angry that the content of the now-deleted threads is still being discussed - two days later. It looks like gloating. At the very least, it seems to me to be immature and in poor taste.
In regard to the other thread in this group: I posted a message to XXXXX, on Monday night, immediately after she was tombstoned. I simply asked her to contact me, to let me know she was OK. *I was concerned for her mental health, because I saw warning signs of suicide.* There was no hidden purpose, other than pastoral concern (that's an occupational hazard - or a gift). I will also add that I posted a nearly identical message in the WI forum, at the same time. My intent was simply to make sure she was safe.
When I saw the responses to my post (all of which appeared the day after the incident) I was really pissed. I hit the Alert button, but when the posts remained, hours later, I took my concern to ATA. After doing so, I was surprised to see that the entire thread was not locked, but deleted. I have no way of "proving" that my original post was sincere. It was not addressed to anyone else. It was not an attempt at flame-bait, or to garner sympathy.
I can take taunting (I have a very thick skin - again, an occupational hazard/gift), but I do not have tolerance for the taunting of a former group member. In my rage, my "mama bear" reared her ugly head. I said ugly things to you, which I deeply regret, and I am sorry. I hope you will someday be able to forgive me for that.
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These are my own thoughts about what happened. I'm sure that XXXXX would have her own version of what happened, but I don't know. I am not speaking on her behalf.
I hope that we can find peace here. I also hope that this message will not be deleted. If this message is inappropriate, I am sorry. But I believe that since this situation has been aired publically, our attempts at reconciliation should be just as open.
Ultimately, I would say that the best thing that we have going is Grace. God certainly doesn't want us at each others' throats, and I don't want it, either. I'm also certain that DU would appreciate it, as well.
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