Church Bulletin Bloopers!

[Texasgal]

I thought you folks might enjoy this!


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Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at

Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.



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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.



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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."

The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.



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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.



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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

conflict.



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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much

about you.



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Don't let worry kill you off......let the church help.



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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.



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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.



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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

help they can get.



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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested

tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.



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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will

sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."



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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church

and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.



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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music

will follow.



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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"

Come early and listen to our choir practice.



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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered.



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Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.



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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

gracious hostility.



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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.



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The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may

be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across

from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.

All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.

is done.



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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

back door.



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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

tragedy.



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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.



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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan

last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

[murielm99]

1. Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed it.

Our pastor is from India, and English is his second language. Sometimes there are strange errors in grammar and syntax in our bulletin. I think his secretary corrects as much of it as possible. Probably that is why we have never seen anything as funny as these.

[supernova]

2. I'm cross-posting this to the Lounge

They'll get a kick out of it. :rofl: thanks!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. Here's a real life example:

At one of the Oregon colleges where I taught, the chaplain submitted an announcement of a Holy Thursday Eucharist to be printed in the one-page daily bulletin that was passed out on campus.

Oregon is a highly secularized state, and the chaplain's handwriting wasn't very good, so the next day, students and faculty were startled to learn that the Chaplain's Office was sponsoring a "Communism service" in the auditorium.