Dating and matching up religions/philosophies

[supernova]

Ugh.

You know, this is something that even in the supposedly post-modern era that has become as big a sticking point as it ever was to the old "don't date outside your religion" days.

While I purposely don't date fundamentalists and conservatives of various stripes because I know they wouldn't be happy with my definition of "spiritual," twice now I've come across two ATHIESTS, who said they couldn't date me knowing I was "spiritual." (This despite the fact that they don't even know what my beliefs are, since we haven't had that conversation.) Apparently even mentioning in passing that I do sometimes go to church sends people screaming into the night with fears of proselytization.

I guess all us believers all look alike. :sarcasm:

:wtf: I though people on the left were supposed to be more open minded. I'm supposed to be open minded, but they don't have to be? Is that what it is?

Gah. To be honest, most men that I have met are either very conservative and doctrine-bound or they are nonbelievers. There's no middle ground there. Am I just in a dead zone?

All I want is to find someone who can be as open minded about me as I am willing to be about him. Is that possible?

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. One can be open minded and still not need embrace, love, and claim for one's own everything.

Even you, yourself, stated that you don't date fundamentalists and conservatives of various stripes.

Is that really any different than the atheists who don't want to date you?

[supernova]

2. Ahem, looking for a little emo support here

and while I understand what your post means, the headline confuses me.

The thing is, they asked me out knowing that I am a believer. So, I was beginning to believe that they were OK with it. I mention that in the first place, just like what color my eyes are or how tall I am, it's simply another aspect of me. So, it's not like it is some big surprise that I just spring on people.

I guess I will have to be a little more close-minded in the future, though I am loathe to do so.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. I tried to fit a large concept into the tight space of a post title...

let me try it this one:

"Being open-minded doesn't mean that we necessarily have to embrace, love, or claim as our own everything that exists in the world."

That is, we can admit the right to exist of, say, brown-eyed people - that's being open-minded. But, even though we recognize their humanity and full right to happiness and life, that doesn't mean that we have to date one. Brown eyes might still creep us out, or ruin our plans for an all blue-eyed family, or whatever.

Speaking personally, I'm open-minded about people playing sports and watching them on TV - but I have no desire to date a woman who spends all her TV time watching sports, and reading time reading about sports. My interest in sports is just about nil, and so she would likely drive me crazy. Just as my obsession with science-fiction movies might drive someone else crazy.


Now, as to your situation - I didn't realize that they'd actually asked you out. I thought the atheists had said "no" to a date request because of your spirituality. It is weird to ask someone out and then tell them no. :wtf:

Sorry you had to go through that.

[supernova]

6. OK, that makes sense

Yes, these people asked me out anyway.

I think I will just have to say No next time.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

4. I know "mixed" couples where one person is religious and the other isn't

It seems to work only if they both take the attitude, "OK, that's not my worldview, but I know it's important to you, so I won't make you go to church and you don't give me a hard time about not going to church, deal?"

However, if you find someone whose disdain for religion is such that you can't mention it without his going into a tirade, you're just not going to be compatible. I could actually put up with a more evangelical person as long as the religious belief wasn't paired with dog-eat-dog, war-mongering conservatism.

I have noticed a dearth of single liberal religious men, especially in the middle-aged group. There are lots of age-appropriate men in my fairly large church, but they're almost all with their wives or male partners.

[supernova]

5. I would have made the same bargain

if everything else worked out.

It seems to work only if they both take the attitude, "OK, that's not my worldview, but I know it's important to you, so I won't make you go to church and you don't give me a hard time about not going to church, deal?"

As to the dearth of single men who also happen to be liberally religious, it is an interesting phenomenon and I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices it.

If you don't enjoy going to bars (and I don't), meeting people is very hard.

[Kat45]

7. You're not the only one (or should I say two) who notice that.

I've found it quite rare to find single (or divorced) men in church, and of course these are liberal type churches. Practically the only ones are the very young (teens/early twenties) or the very old (elderly widowers). Actually, the churches I've been involved with were/are heavily populated with married couples/families. There are a few single women, again usually young or elderly.

My theory: I think the reason for this is that a lot of folks stop going to church as young adults and don't go back to church until they have kids. I'd like to find someone who I can share my faith with--preferably someone I can go to church with, but just a believer would be fine. But unfortunatley, a number of men who I know are atheists/agnostics. :shrug:

[Kajsa]

8. Supernova,

if someone is turning you down because you are a person of faith,
you haven't missed much.

That union would be trouble.

I respect atheists who can accept that I AM a person of faith.
Just as I accept that they ARE atheist. It's mutual.

Those who try to slam me or shun me because of it I would
not be happy with.