I talked to my ex last week.

[LWolf]

For the first time in two years. I talked to him a handful of times after I moved out 4 years ago, once two years ago, and that was it.

When he made his big announcement, that he was in love with someone else and wanted out of the marriage, I was gone in 10 days. I tried to tell him how I felt, and what I thought, then. He wouldn't hear it. So I left. I left house, home, and almost all the "stuff" behind. I did it all without his help, although he offered several times. Wounded pride, crushed heart, or something, would not allow me to accept his help. I didn't look back. It took years to "get over it." A few to get over the marriage. I don't know that I ever got over the loss of the friendship; we grew up together. We'd been friends all of our lives.

Now I'm moving 900 miles away. When I put in an offer on my new place, they asked me how I wanted to take title. I had to blink. I didn't know. I didn't know if I was divorced, or not. Originally, I filed a separation so that I could buy a little house without him attached to it. I've held title as "married woman, her sole and separate property." Two years ago he contacted me to tell me he was changing the separation to a divorce. I said go ahead. I never got any paperwork of any kind, so I didn't know if it had been done or not.

It was a big deal to pick up the phone and dial my old phone number; like dialing my old life. He still uses the same answering machine message I left behind. I left a message asking him to contact me, and got a call back within a couple of hours. I'm divorced; he mailed me a copy of the paperwork the next day. He asked questions about my mom and sons, and asked me to please let him know if there was anything he could do to help. He was warm, and sounded eager to talk to me. I was fine on the phone, and cried for an hour after I hung up. I'm crying now, just remembering. Why is this so hard, after all this time?

There actually is one thing I need help with that he is uniquely qualified to do. I don't know anyone else with those qualifications. I can't bring myself to call him again, or ask him.

At least I know I'm divorced. Part of me would like to change my name. The other part of me doesn't want to have to change all of my licenses, accounts, etc..

<sigh>

[mrgorth]

1. God bless you

let us know if we can help in this way he can.

[LWolf]

2. Happily,

some friends have stepped in to fill the gap.

Thanks!

[villager]

3. yes, happy trails to you, LWolf...

I am actually still in the "separated" category myself, though more and more, would like to finalize that into "divorce" status -- it's been three years since I similarly left house/life behind, after discovering my ex-wife's affair...

I see her all the time, though, due to our young boys -- working out schedules, dropping them off at "her" (formerly "our") place, etc.

She sometimes likes to get chatty with me -- I always find it weird, after hurting/betraying someone so profoundly, that you'd assume they'd ever *want* to talk to you again. I just kind of nod my head and make small talk with her.

Glad to hear you've find a place...

And our mutual "old friend" is doing fine, sleeping mostly, occasionally barking at phantoms, most of his appetite still intact...

[LWolf]

4. Better late than never!

I see you wrote this a month ago; I just got my computer up and running with the new service provider yesterday.

I really, really, love my new place. It's old, dilapidated, and wonderful. I have 6 acres of weeds and foxtails, and junk left behind by the previous owner, and fences that need mending, and walls, floors, and roofs that need refurbishing. Doesn't sound like paradise, yet some how it is. I'm at the dead end of a private road, with miles of public land on two sides and a river 20 minutes of hiking away. There are trees and deer, it's peaceful and quiet, and my "young" friend is ecstatic. I've been thinking about my favorite old guy lately, and hoping you, and he, are well.

I was down to pick up my equine girls last week; my ex in-laws came to visit and say goodbye. My ex FIL wanted to come back with me and spend several weeks helping me put the place straight; the MIL wouldn't let him until she could come, too. They'll be visiting in a few weeks. All very comfortably done without ever having to see, or talk about, their son. You'd think we couldn't do that without some tension, but I've known them since I was 7. We had a relationship long before I married their son, and that seems to help.

[villager]

5. just thinking of you this morning!

Glad I checked this forum...

The new place does sound grand, indeed... I'd like to find one, for summer use initially, for me and the boys (and then comes the food growing and the off-gridding, etc., etc...)

Your favorite old fella is doing well -- deaf, and sweet, as ever, always glad to see the boys (he'll see 'em tonight!), falling asleep with me, or with us, depending what room we're in. His appetite is still good, he's stiff but not overly so, and I'll have to get him trimmed for "shedding season..."

And I just bet his young pal loves her new digs! Has she tried to herd any deer yet?

take care, enjoy....(I know you will...!)

(ps: & what about the school...?)

[LWolf]

6. LOL

Drifting back after several weeks, I finally spotted this. ;-)

I'm glad to hear the old guy is doing well; I think of him more frequently than you'd guess. The youngster is not herding deer; she's guarding the house against the feral cats the place came with, though. This never ceases to amaze me. "Her" cat rules the roost. They shared the bucket seat in the front of my truck all 900 miles up here when I moved them. The cat is always "the boss." This place came with 4 feral cats. They are not "allowed" anywhere near the house. She guards us day and night from the intruding cats. One of this summer's projects is to get some traps and make sure they are spayed and nuetered. They live in the barn; that's fine, as long as 4 doesn't become 20.

I also have 5 or 6 calves and a young steer grazing down some of the grass and weeds; they belong to the guy next door. Having always been responsible for moving cows off the trails on our long rides, my dog is incensed that cows now think they can hang out in our pasture, and that she can't get through the fence to round them up and show them who's boss.

Really, we all love it here. The job fell through, though, so now I'm scrambling for alternatives. One way or another, we'll make it happen.

Good to hear from ya! :hi:

[villager]

7. ah, hell, the job fell through?

well, dang -- maybe yer meant to do something else now?

we're on the road with your old guy -- didn't think I'd ever make another long trip with him, but he came to the Bay Area with me and the boys, and is handling the few unavoidable stairs at my folks' house pretty well, getting used to this place he hasn't seen in three or more years...

kinda fun to be on the road with him, actually, at least one more time...

I can imagine your youngster being incensed at the newfound impudence of the cows!

keep checkin' in! :hi:

[LWolf]

8. Whatever I'm meant to do,

I wish it would show it's face, and quickly! I'm knocking on all kinds of doors; I'm sure one will open.

Cows, cats, and deer. We get pretty regular visits from deer, as well.

I really love this place. It's been "hot" recently; 80s during the day and 40s at night. I'm told this is "normal" summer weather; that there may be a few heat waves that reach the 90s later on. There are trees, the wind doesn't blow constantly (so far, only some mild breezes), and there is a river 2 miles away. The cat, the dog, the grandson, and me...we're all happily at home here. The horses are getting there. They don't like change, and they don't like being the only 2 horses on the place. They want a herd. But they do love being turned out every day to graze in the pastures!

We'll find a way, some way, to make this work. I'd be fine with being a stay-at-home grandma, if I only had an income to count on. Since I don't, I'm looking for whatever will get the bills paid, at this point.

[villager]

9. sounds great...

...and I hope the universe shows that part of its face soon, too! I'm gonna hafta get an Oregon trip together, so I can make the new spread part of the itinerary...

[LWolf]

10. You're welcome anytime!

The good news: I finally got a job. Literally the last job posted for the local district.

I'm miles behind all the cleanup and repair work on this place; my most recent project is capturing, spaying, and neutering the feral cats. I've done 5 so far; 3 were kittens that I put in foster care to be socialized and adopted out. Another 4 kittens were young enough that I socialized them myself, and adopted 2 out. The other 2 are romping all over the house, and have inserted themselves into the family on a permanent basis. That leaves me with 3 more cats to trap, and hopefully no more kittens.

My dog is hysterical; she considers it her sacred duty to chase and harass the feral cats continuously. Meanwhile, my cat continues to dictate the terms of their relationship to her, and the "adopted" the kittens I brought in to socialize. She is enthusiastic but gentle, and keeps a constant eye on them. They ignore her, or climb on her, or move out of her way when she gets too excited.

I guess she figures that the ferals are intruders, and the house cats are "family."

[villager]

11. at least she has something to "herd!"

Congrats on the job, very glad it worked out...

Your old gent was sheared like a sheep today by the groomer -- he looks like a giant Mexican hairless, but is probably 10 degrees cooler...

I should take a picture and send it yr way...!

:hi:

[LWolf]

12. Send it on;

I miss my old friend.

PM me if I haven't told you where I'm at yet.

[jojo54]

13. Hi LWolf and villager.

Sorry to intrude on your conversation, but I just had to say to LWolf that your place sounds wonderful, worn out as it is. We don't have a lot of land like you do, but we have all kinds of indigenous wildlife in the woods surrounding our house (even tho there's a major highway to the west and a well traveled road to the south). The groundhogs are my favorite, see the deer only rarely.

Without getting into detail, hub is selling the house to my daughter and her boyfriend, so I'll be able to come back and watch the animals whenever I want. That makes me very happy.

Have a good life, both of you. LWolf, go take a ride on one of those horses for me - it's been way, way too long since I've been on the back of a good horse. :hug:

[LWolf]

14. No intrusion!

I am so glad that your daughter will have the house. I gave up my house, and never stopped missing "home." I had friends in the neighborhood, and used to drive the long way around so that I wouldn't have to pass home and see it again. Yet I longed to just drive up, drop my stuff off inside, and sit on the porch to watch the birds and the sunset.

This new old place has some of the same qualities that "home" did, yet it is all mine, and doesn't come wit any baggage. I may be many years trying to clean it up, but I'm comfortable and content right now, with things held together with baling wire and hope.

[villager]

15. yes, no intrusion at all!

I'm too long away from wild critters -- or even regular hikes in the Santa Monicas. sigh. Gotta rectify that.

And I gotta get up there to see this bailing wire nirvana of yours, LWolf!

[LWolf]

16. lol

You know the door's always open, if you can find your way through the weeds and up the rickety wooden steps/deck!