Tonight I told him he has 30 days to get out.

[underseasurveyor]

We've been together for 16 years. Thankfully we never officially married and we have no children together so at least that makes some matters less complicated. Right now I just feel very sick to my stomach.

He was sober for 10 years but started drinking again about 2 years ago. Damn :-( the beer finally won. I'm not feeling very hopeful at this point that anything is going change or get better. Even if he promised to stop drinking tomorrow, there are just too many other issues we can't seem to get past that I can't help but feel, right now, that splitting up is the best thing for both of us. We grew apart somewhere along the line and we're just not seeing eye to eye any more.

Someone once told me that alcohol was a great remover of things. They were so right.

damndamndamndamndamn here comes the flood.....................

[cliss]

1. Yup. Been there and done that.

It's no fun. Don't feel bad about the beer thing. I know it seems like when drinking becomes too much and we give them ultimatums, it seems hard that they choose the one that will do them the most harm. I've read that most substance abusers will give up on their families before they give up on their jobs.

I think the important thing is to get support. I found wonderful support in Al-Anon. I stayed with them for 10 years, and it really did change my life. I learned to turn the focus on me rather than the alcoholic. It was hard, but I did it.

My life got better. It took a while, though. Good luck. Hang in there. There are lots of books on the subject. You'll find out that we can't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it. It's their problem.

[underseasurveyor]

2. Thanks cliss

Yeah when he quit drinking 12 +/- years ago he poured (heh heh) himself into AA. Became District something-or-other, went to all the regional conferences, preached it, walked it and I was involved in Al-Anon and they were a great help and a huge eye opener for me. heh...Actually it took a few really good whacks with the ol clue stick upside my head before I finally got it and was able to grasp the concept that *I* was the only person that I could 'fix.' :think:

I know alcoholism is a progressive disease the drinker picks up right where they left off. Boy did he. I saw how co dependant I was before and because of Al-Anon I have since learned a better way, a more honest way to live my life and I haven't been playing those old co-dep roles I use to. Resistance and faced with a partner he could no longer manipulate as before he has become more rebellious and to use an AA term, he is A-1 numero uno "King Baby." He figures he cured or he never really had a drinking problem in the first place. He was, and we were doing SO much better during that 10 year span he didn't drink. It's like AA never happened and now knowing what I know I refuse to relive an agonizing past I have already lived. Yup, been there done that, don't wanna do it again :crazy:

Still after 16 years it's so hard. We've been talking the past couple days for closures sake I guess one could say and he doesn't seem at all interested in the possibility of 'maybe in the future,' too busy feeling sorry for himself and I'll forget him soon anyway, you can do better than me...blahblahblah.....numbing his feelings with alcohol so it's futile trying to hold on when there is no hope for our relationship and there's nothing else or any reason for me to remain in Iowa..... Time to move on <sigh> and back home.

I'll be moving back to California after having been gone from there 25 years <yikes> :scared:, go back to school and study I don't know what yet and hang out as much as I can with my Mom and Dad.

Bonus: California is ((((BLUE))))
Another bonus: I can see a few my DU friends I met a few years ago.

~It'll be nice to go home. I must be positive and think about and remember the good that awaits me~ <repeat>


But I'm still so sad :-(

[spooky3]

3. "You won't feel like this forever."

My ex-hubby said this to me during one of our lowest moments. It helped a little at the time (nothing can take away the pain), and it is certainly true.

Your plan is a really good one and I wish you the best.

[underseasurveyor]

4. It's really starting to hit me hard and even though my head

understands that it won't feel like this forever, my breaking heart doesn't know it.

I hate it that I know the best thing for me is to leave and go back home
knowing that my heart will ache like it has never has before.

Either way, if I stay and put up with it or leave him behind, somethings gonna hurt but my leaving him just feels more like I'm inflicting this terrible intense pain on myself. If that makes any kind of "strange" sense.

gawd this sucks:cry:

Thanks Spooky for your kind words :hug: