what should the official name of this group be?

[unblock]

Poll question: what should the official name of this group be?

how do people feel about renaming this simply the "divorce" group?

i don't want people currently going through a divorce or who simply have questions about divorce to feel excluded.

[arwalden]

1. I Think "Divorce" And "Survivors Of Divorce" Is Very Hetero-centric

and since the majority of homosexuals in this country cannot get married, they naturally cannot get "divorced". Still, these long-term gay relationships do sometimes end... and we must endure the same turmoil and emotional pain. --- Is this group only for people who were actually MARRIED, to the exclusion of homosexuals or other non-married couples who ended their domestic relationship?

With regard to the words "survivors of". That seems to imply that the ending of the relationship is always a bad thing. Or it could be suggesting that the group exists only for those who see the ending of their domestic relationship as a bad thing. --- Is this group intended only for emotional support and help and sharing for those who were traumatized by the divorce. Are people who have a positive experience with their divorce excluded?

Sometimes, the ending of many domestic relationships can be a good thing. For some people, myself included, after "surviving" and enduring an unhealthy or violent relationship... the "divorce" is something to be welcomed and embraced... not "survived".

[unblock]

2. some good points

i don't think "divorce" is a hetero-centric term, so much as a legal-centric term. the hetero-centrism is in the law itself, since no gay marriages means no gay divorces.

also, the legal process itself, as well as the strain that the legal process puts on divorce(e)s is often an important topic of discussion.

i don't want to exclude homosexual "divorce(e)s", or people-who-have-split-up-after-a-committed-long-term-homosexual-relationship, but i'm not sure we can accomplish that all in the forum name.

always open to suggestions, though.

[arwalden]

7. Comments On That... And Some Suggestions

>> i don't think "divorce" is a hetero-centric term, so much as a legal-centric term. the hetero-centrism is in the law itself, since no gay marriages means no gay divorces. <<

But I'm glad you agree that when a gay couple splits, the emotional burden can be just as painful as a "legal" divorce.

>> also, the legal process itself, as well as the strain that the legal process puts on divorce(e)s is often an important topic of discussion. <<

Even gay couples who weren't married often have legal issues to tackle. Some couples have stacks of legal documents and contracts and agreements and wills that must be sorted through when the relationship dissolves. Child custody battles, visitation rights, and joint ownership of property battles are common too... these are handles in the courts as well.

>> i don't want to exclude homosexual "divorce(e)s", or people-who-have-split-up-after-a-committed-long-term-homosexual-relationship, but i'm not sure we can accomplish that all in the forum name.<<

LOL... yes, I totally agree! Complicated hyphenated descriptions can be problematic and awkward. But that wouldn't preclude a more inclusive mission statement.

>> always open to suggestions, though. <<

"Handling Divorce, Separating, and Being Single Again"
"Coping With Divorce, Separating, and Being Single Again"
"Handling Divorce, Separating, and Learning To Be Single"

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

4. I hadn't thought of it that way - good point

:thumbsup:

[mrgorth]

3. I think we're being a little picky

The name was suggested in the meeting room and I ran with it. IMHO, if "survivors" is too confusing we can call it "dealing with divorce" but I think people will figure this out on his own. After all, it's in the mission statement.

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[arwalden]

6. Ah... Separate But Equal, Eh?

That's not a very friendly or inclusive attitude to take.

>> If someone wants a board to talk about how great divorce is (either legal or in a long term homosexual relationship) they should go create a happy break up board. <<

Or maybe someone's good experiences and positive outlook might give someone else a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE on their own divorce! Ya think?
>> "since the person who formed it already named it" and since you are not the moderator on this forum.. I am not really sure why you are doing this. <<

Oh! I know! I know! -- May I take a shot at it? -- Maybe it's to try and improve the group and to get more participation? Maybe it's to make it more inclusive and inviting?

>> I'd say anyone here not interested in the group as it is go form another. <<

Oh Brother! :eyes: Gee, Cheswick... would it be so horrible to help others try to find the positives? Or should the group be a "misery-loves-company" gathering for commiserating only?

>> Most people will probably come here for support in a difficult situation ...not to be told how happy they should feel. <<

How is describing one's positive experience or positive outcome with divorce the same as telling someone "how happy they should feel"?? :shrug: If someone actually suggested that, then I missed it.

>> The mission statement was approved and I see no reason for you or anyone else to come and start disagreeing with the premise or the name before it has even gotten underway. <<

No mission statement is carved in stone. In fact the mission statement for several groups have changed. In fact, the "Astrology" group's mission statement changed... a couple of times, didn't it?

[mrgorth]

8. Arwalden

I would say that positive feelings about divorce are more than welcome. I just wouldn't look for the group to be renamed to "the pros and cons of break-ups in homo/heterosexual relationships" anytime soon.

[arwalden]

9. Mrgorth

Thanks for the reply. Actually, I have no expectations. If you're interested, I believe that I addressed that point in another post (above).

Some folks have made it pretty clear who's welcome here and who's not welcome here. Sorry for intruding.

[unblock]

10. to clarify, i'm not the moderator of this group

and my opinion should count no more -- nor less -- than anyone else's opinion.

i have been through a divorce and have an interest in this group.
i only did this because i thought the "divorce" group would be a more appropriate name. the mission statement includes, e.g., people going through divorce, which would appear not to be covered by "survivors of divorce".

i didn't see anything in the mission statement that said that you can't be happy about the end result of a divorce, nor do i think that making those people feel unwelcome is doing any favors to other group participants.

that wasn't even the main motive behind suggesting the name change. people currently going through divorce appear excluded by the name of the group, that was my main point.

[Dookus]

11. Interesting...

somebody asks what the name of the group should be, somebody responds with salient points, and then you attack him for answering the question.

Yer a peach.

[arwalden]

12. Oh Well...

:shrug:

[Skinner]

13. I have posted a new thread about the issues raised here.

Please read this and comment:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=301x35

I am locking this thread.