I have never been happier....

[mike_c]

I'm 50. Separated over a year ago and divorced last December. The seperation and divorce were hellish and ugly, but I'd dealt with the consequences of my ex's alcoholism and our badly failed relationship for too long and had to get out. Once I'd made the decision, it was like setting aside a massive weight. Now, almost eight months later, I am happier than I can remember being in years and years. I'm single, not involved with anyone, and focused on living my own life. The future looks really, really good.

My ex and I still have slightly overlapping professional responsibilities, so we have occasional email contacts-- generally not more than a sentence or two at a time. I don't know anything about her life outside that narrow window, and in particular I don't know whether she has managed to remain sober. I certainly hope so. She has a far harder road to travel than I do.

There's a lot of pain in this group, so I wanted to post my experience. I held on for a lot longer than I should have, but of course it takes hindsight to realize that. Now I realize how deeply the relationship affected every aspect of my life-- and how badly we screwed one another up. Yes, I have lots of regrets about that, but I cannot change the past. And the future, as I said, looks very good right now.

[LWolf]

1. I am happy on my own, too.

I've been separated/divorced for 4.5 years now, and I rarely ever even think about the possibility of a relationship. I guess if the right person appeared, I would consider it, but I'm not exactly a prime catch. Female, 45, and showing every year and mile. Too independent and introverted for most.

These days, when the idea of a relationship crosses my mind, my first thought is that I would have to actually spend time with that person, and I don't have any time or attention to spare for someone else at this point.

[SarahB]

2. I haven't either.

My ex also had addiction issues, but because he went to work every day and it didn't affect his job (this time around as he was sober/in recovery when we met and sober for many years we were married), he was in denial about his complete inability to connect with me emotionally. He has gradually gotten completely clean, is a good dad/co-parent, but I had no desire to be in a marriage with him for years and thankfully, it's over. Done. Fin. Best decision I ever made. Life is good.