The "I" word has visited my house.

[jojo54]

I never, never thought I'd be writing about this.....the "I" word. Infidelity, betrayal, screwing on the side, the "other woman", whatever the correct term might be. I had posted a week ago that I found out that hub was leaving and I was o.k. with that. We haven't really been happy for many years now. But I never dreamed he'd do this to me. Last Saturday, we argued, laughed and cried over what went wrong with our marriage and what will happen in the future. Then we had "goodbye" sex (what do you want??? we've been married for 30 years!). This happened only after I asked him if he had relations with TOW (the other woman). He said no and I stupidly believed him.

Then on Monday, I found out just how much the fool he played me for. Now I have so much bitterness that I can't take enough showers. I'd lost interest in everything that makes me feel happy; my grandkids, my sewing (I make throw pillows), even DU and I'm ususally online everyday! Until now, that is. Today, I've finally eaten, I had a good night's sleep last night and I think I'm starting to recover (I hope anyway). My rings (CZ no less!!!) are in my drawer and they will not grace my finger again. I'm trying to stay upbeat and get my life together again. I don't want to feel broken, and I don't want him to think that he has broken me. The thing that plagues me is my future. I have been financially dependent on him for 4 years now (to watch my grandkids). I WILL find a job and I WILL receive spousal support. A home is my first and foremost thought. My daughter and her bf are buying our house - they insist on me staying with them....eeewwwww. Maybe for awhile until I get my collective shit together but not forever.

I WILL SURVIVE!!!!
Jo

[jojo54]

1. I can't believe how much of a roller coaster to hell this has become.

One day I'm up, the next I'm down. When I'm up, I feel pretty good, such as Wednesday when I posted this. Yesterday I was so far down, I thought I was in a whirlpool sucking me into oblivion. Today is so-so. I just can't wait until I feel good everyday, but I don't know how long it's going to take. That's the hardest part.

[knowbody0]

2. here ya go!

my seven year SO whom i loved unconditionally did that to me. i found that out the same week my mum died and by the end of that week i realized he had given me herpes as well. Go get checked! you've been crapped on hard and the sob has put your life in danger.
it's been three years for me, and i found out yesterday he named his new baby Skywalker after me. (bedroom name) replace your sadness with outrage, it will fire up your spirit who will guide you outta the abyss.
peace and love

[LWolf]

3. Hang in there.

Gradually, the ups will last longer and occur more frequently, and the downs will come fewer and farther apart. And the down slides will not be so steep. 4.5 years later, I still run into "downs." They aren't as devastating, don't last long, and always appear as a surprise. I can't say that I don't think of the ex regularly; when you've known someone that long, and shared that much, you can't cut them out of your memories without deleting your whole past. I usually think of him AS part of my past, rather than the present tense, and he appears like the rest of the furniture. It's like walking into any empty room; there are memories, but nothing more. Every once in a while, I walk into that room and find grief, outrage, betrayal, loneliness, etc., and I'm always surprised to find it still hiding there. Most of the time, though, I'm content to leave the past in the past and I'm content with my present.

You will get there, too. :hug:

[villager]

4. what she said!

I found -- when my wife dropped the "I" bomb on me after 11 years of marriage and two kids -- that the overwhelming feelings of grief and betrayal were strongest in the beginning, and then, yes, go into kind of elliptical orbits -- you pass through sadness again, but the time between such "zones" grows longer and longer...

...as your life becomes more and more your own. I was forced -- am forced -- to stay in contact with my ex, because our sons are still young.

When, three years later, she confessed that the lying, alcoholic sociopathic car salesman she ended our marriage over, had left her feeling worse than ever, I didn't even drop an "I told you so" on her, just nodded quietly, and then we finished -- I finished -- the discussion we were having about our sons.

Over Labor Day, I returned to the block party on our "old street," that I helped start, but hadn't been to for three years. The Ex still lives at the corner, in our old house. She even came by the party for a few minutes.

The boys and I had a great time with the neighbors, and I didn't even feel sad, afterwards. A little wistful, perhaps, but glad that I didn't let those friendships go...

...because my life has become more and more my own, and not contingent on my view of myself as a "married" person.

Man! Just wrote a whole lot more than I meant to!