Divorce among Autistic Spectrum Disorder Parents

[yankhadenuf]

I have heard the divorce rate among parents of autistic spectrum disorder is 75-80%. I am hoping to start this thread to help others like me cope. My hubby left 6 years ago after a 21 year marriage, but we did not understand our son's syndrome at the time (nobody did then).

[mrgorth]

1. I can't imagine trying to deal with that...

Very sorry.

[yankhadenuf]

2. His Dad didn't call for his birthday this year

I'm a little concerned he is going to do the same at Christmas

[nashville_brook]

3. interesting question...

i have a small handful of friends with autistic spectrum children -- and school teacher friends who deal with asperger's syndrome in the classroom. this has been a GIANT topic of conversation.

so far, my friends with aspergers (autistic spectrum) kids have stayed together -- but here's the rub... to what degree is the child's manifestation of aspergers inherited from the parents. in the case of our closest friends, i can totally see where it comes from. it's just a little more pronounced in the child than it was in the mother-father. yes, BOTH. one's a musician, the other an artist. both have trouble grokking social situations, are super-intelligent, and also tend to toward *mild* obsessions. the child expresses that just a bit more.

in the case of another couple -- it's not apparent that the child has inherited the parents' tendencies. also, the child is farther up the spectrum -- displaying aggression and much less verbal ability. anyone can see this couple is strained with the child's condition.

i think there's 2 questions here. first, is the father on the spectrum? does he maybe have a decreased ability to cope with emotional issues. maybe, that's why leaving was a comfortable decision for him.

and secondly -- more appropriately -- regardless of the specific form of stress on a relationship (it could be a child with aspergers or a wife with cancer), the dirty little secret of marriages is that when the going gets tough, not eveyone is up to the challenge. my marriage fell apart right about the time i was hospitalized with an infection in my spine. my best friend's marriage fell apart when she was diagnosed with cancer.

"in sickness and in health" are words that are easier said than done. some people aren't up for it, and that leaves the rest of us behind wondering what the hell happened.