My wife doesn't love me anymore, I don't feel I'll ever love anyone else.

[DuaneBidoux]

I don't know what to do. We've been married 25 years and just starting about four or five years ago the sexuality started radically cooling. Now she won't even give me a hug. It has been that way for two years.

I want and need love but don't know how I can ever go out looking for someone else and be honest with them telling them I have never loved another woman and probably never will.

It's so weird, we like all the same things, have all the same tastes, and I have no one to talk to about my pain because she is my best buddy.

[mrgorth]

1. This is going to be hard

You are just starting on a long hard road. DO NOT think about loving someone else or finding someone else. Your wife has already left you emotionally and physically and just can't bring herself to divorce you yet. You need to look into yourself and be happy with you without her. This board is unfortunately getting more and more traffic and we will be here to help.

[blondie58]

2. boy- that is tough

and as the other person stated, she has already left you emotionally. Have you given any thought to counseling? If she won't go, you should go alone- it will help you immensely. Good luck- and don't be so sure about never being able to love another woman- the heart has a large capacity for love.

[chromotone]

3. Man, does this sounds familiar.

I haven't been with my wife for 10 years. Well, I mean we shared a bed up until 2 years ago, but haven't been intimate. We've been married 20 years and now have two kids: 10 and 16. But we are no longer share an intimate relationship. I've been sleeping on the couch for the last two years.

I'm thinking of calling the whole thing off, but need to make plans before I do (renew memberships in professional organizations, make contacts, find another job preferably with a little more money, finish some projects around the house, etc.). I figure it'll be maybe three years before I can consider making "the switch."

But your situation sounds strikingly like mine!

[Catsbrains]

4. for what it's worth

First you need to find some new hobbies and get really involved with them. Act happy around her all the time. Invite her to participate, but if she says no just smile and say okay, see ya later and do your thing. Show apathy about your marriage. Do not question her love for you and hold back on the "I love you's" as well. She will sense this and probably will not like it as the roles will be reversed. The changes you make will force her to change as well. Remember, you don't need anyone to make you happy, just yourself. She will see this new, non-clingy, independent HAPPY man and she will want to be with him. If not, you will be happier and in a better place to end the marriage.

You might want to wake her up by telling her YOU want a divorce because it's not working for YOU. You have to take the power back. She may realize what she's losing if you do this. If not, then it's over anyways. You're already alone in this marriage.

My heart goes out to you. I am currently in the midst of a divorce myself. I didn't want the divorce but he does and that's that.
He left immediately and out of the blue. If he had stayed around I would have done all the things I'm suggesting you do. I never had that chance.

Good luck. I hope she wakes up and realizes her potential loss.

[jojo54]

5. Listen up DuaneBidoux.

I feel the same way about my hub. Married for 32 years. We haven't slept in the same bed or had sex for about 8 months now. I just don't have those feelings anymore. My situation may be different from yours: he had an affair 3 years ago. But it's been going sour for us for many years before and I honestly think it's because he has narcissistic tendencies. I just can't take being blamed for anything and everything, anymore. He sucks the life out of me, so I'm leaving in September.

I hope things work out o.k. for you. Maybe you and your wife could try counseling?