okay, here I go...

[Blue_Roses]

I want OUT of this marriage of 11 years. I'm married to a man who has no interest in our marriage whatsoever. If I looked like a football, he would be all over me--all the time. Did I say football:eyes: We have no intimacy, nothing in common and I find that even though I love him, I don't want to be married to him. Does that make sense?

I told him several times it's time to cut our losses and move on but he says no, that he loves me and wants our marriage to work. I suggested counseling and he said, "okay" but that is fruitless and empty talk.

We have two children and if it wasn't for them I would have been gone a long time ago.

:hurts:

[Callalily]

1. Here's my two cents worth!

If you truly love him, give it one more shot. Continue the counseling, but make it clear to him that you want real progress, real results. A marriage will only work if both spouses at working at the relationship. If he still does not come through, then leave.

NEVER stay for the sake of the children. They pick up on everything. And if you're not happy, that will affect every aspect of your life.

I'll keep you in my prayers. :hug:

[YankeyMCC]

2. I'm not sure from your post what your status with counseling is

but if you've not started or only just started I suggest getting started/sticking with it, if you both still care enough about the marriage and still feel you love each other it seems to me there may be a way to save the marriage and look back at this period as a challenge you both faced and came out stronger.

If you've been trying counseling and it isn't working then yes I would agree with the others who say it is not a good idea to stick together just for the children, long term it's going to be worse for them if the parents aren't able to maintain a happy marriage.

I'm rather sour on the whole idea of marriage at this point but given that you both felt that a marriage is what would make you happy, you've worked so long at it, have children as a result of the marriage, and may still feel love for each other - it is certainly worth working very hard to continue. I know you know that, sometimes people just need to hear others reaffirm what we already know.

Of course here I sit in the midst of a failed marriage, with some of the same symptoms you state in yours as the cause (not football but the divergent interests issue exists) - so who am I to give advice but there it is. At least I'm giving full disclosure. And whatever happens I hope you find the best path to happiness for you and your children.

[mrgorth]

3. My $0.02

Divorce sucks. He CAN and SHOULD change. If he does, YOU should appreciate it and not act like he hasn't. It is not his choice to divorce or not. If you want out, you can get out. Filing is simple. So, tell him that unless he demonstrably changes you are filing, period. If his whole world doesn't come crashing down around him it's because he doesn't realize it will when you divorce. Lastly, please don't cheat.

[Sweet Freedom]

4. Hi Blue_Roses

:hug:

My STBE and I were in counseling and toward the end, it was very obvious to me AND the counselor that the marriage was over. The counselor helped me end the marriage when it was time, so counseling may be beneficial no matter what your decision.

I don't know how old your children are, but I think divorce becomes more difficult the older they get. At one time, I considered staying in the marriage until my daughter went to college, but now, I'm so glad I didn't.

A suggestion for you (that helped me immensely)...if you do decide to end the marriage, seek out a child counselor who can advise you when, how and where to tell the children. I am so grateful that I did this. The counselor gave me great advice and I followed it exactly. Everyone I know has remarked at how well my daughter has adjusted -- and she truly has.

A note of caution as well. If he doesn't want a divorce, that can be very difficult. My STBE does not want a divorce and has been stalling for months. (And you may have seen in the ASAH request thread that I am currently considering a protective order against him.) It's amazing what people will fight for after they've lost it. :eyes:

Good luck and keep us posted.