Good choice for a group Skinner

[lpbk2713]

I added it to my list of groups and I will visit often. It's been about twenty years since I was divorced but if I can contribute anything I will.

[Cheswick2.0]

1. It is 12 years for me

and I agree, this is a great idea for a group. I remmember those first miserable years and how I never thought I would get through it.

[mrgorth]

5. ?

yearS? Man, I can't imagine going through this for another month. I don't know how people get through this.

[Cheswick2.0]

6. but you will get through it

I know how you feel. I am sorry .

[movie_girl99]

8. sorry i meant we've been divorced for 5 years

it was a quick 90 day divorce..

[rainbow4321]

10. Emotional roller coaster

It's been 10 yrs since my ex and I separated and 7 yrs since the divorce was finalized.

Long time ago but I can tell you that going thru the process can be an emotional roller coaster. Friends and relatives who find out about it suddenly feel that THEY know more about the soon to be over marriage than you do and then they compare YOUR situation to everyone else they have known who has split up...ignore those people and stick with the ones who are supportive and POSITIVE towards YOU.

If you start to realize that you feel more depressed and anxious when you get off the phone with a relative or friend who just HAS to dig thru "dirty laundry" and gives you negative "what if" questions all the time...consistantly, every friggin' phone call/conversation...stay away from them, they will do you NO good. You need to save your energy and not let them drain it out of you...in my case I needed every ounce of energy I could get, I was suddenly a single mom of 2 small kids...who had time to sit around and dwell on how bad things were going to get..not me!


Bottom line: take care of YOURSELF first and don't let anyone convince you otherwise!


:hug:

[hermetic]

2. Well, I'll sure be hanging out around here

It's a shame life has to be this way but, boy, misery sure does love company. I survived mine, been 20 years now. I recently helped a friend of mine find the courage to leave an abusive relationship. And I'd be happy to commiserate, empathize or just chat with anyone out there who needs a friend while the world appears to be caving in around them. I understand.

[movie_girl99]

3. 5 years for me

but sometimes it feels like yesterday

[mrgorth]

4. Any advice on the kids

is welcome by me.

[movie_girl99]

7. I'm not sure what your situation is but

my ex and i parted on decent terms. I wanted the divorce but he agreed that we married too young and were headed in different directions. The marriage had been stale for about 5 years. I let him have primary because he made it sound so good. we had a generic custody agreement on paper but made our own verbal agreement and have stuck to it pretty close. As i said we live 5 blocks apart so i have the kids M-W-F and Saturday until 5ish. He has them the other days but i see them both daily because my daughter (who is now 18 and stays with me full time) drives. I pick my son up from school everyday.

Even though we split up we had a common goal of making things as normal as we could for the kids. I have many issues and much anger toward my ex but i try never to let the kids know.They love him and would never see in him the bad things that i do.
We have both remarried and so far things are pretty good.

[Cheswick2.0]

9. don't pretend anything

If you aren't friends don't pretend to be. If you are hurt don't pretend you aren't. B honest but be respectful. Don't criticize the other person because they are a part of that other person. If you have an oportunity to be honestly complimentary then take it.
They are going to be very confused and IMO children never really get over the divorce. They would rather you be together and unhappy than get a divorce. But they can learn to live with it and still function happily in life if you can.