Have info, seeking advice

[elleng]

I met with my attorney, joel, 'stranged' husb, john, and alternative dispute resolution guy (jonathan) today; met with joel and husb john couple weeks ago, resulted in 'confusion' because husb is duplicitous in my view. Atty had never had such meeting w. husb before, and was confused by john's attitudes about somethings. (LOVE atty, very diligent, smart and fair. Told me today he thinks john is a sociopath! LOVED hearing that!)

We are at the stage of negotiating for a separation agreement. (Divorce not on table now, as I benefit from his govt employee health benefit plan insurance.) john does a fine job confusing everyone by citing law (we're ALL lawyers) instead of answering questions directly. I want to avoid trial (he assaulted me, so I left house). House sold, and I'm seeking 50% of 'gain.' I don't want to waste the time or spend the money at trial, which will require lots of discovery, and going into complex and ambiguous areas.

SO, what I'd like to know is this! Our 25-year old daughter told me today that she is engaged! We like the guy very much, they've been 'together' since her Freshman college year and she's in Grad school now. They've been around Philly since she began college, and due to the way society works (ours, anyway) I haven't observed, close-up and personal, the pre-wedding ritual! (Don't know when they're thinking wedding will be; we had a VERY short conversation!)

SO, whomever knows something, please tell me what's expected of me, the mother, in these early days after announcement, and as time goes on! I think I have to include this stuff in what I'll need from john, to comply with my obligations! (I'm retired.)

Thanks for any help!

E

[babylonsister]

1. First off, how about a ladder and give her cash?

Ha, kidding. I know it's important for everyone.

Pre-wedding ritual? I'm not comprehending your question, especially considering no date has been set.

And darn, but I wish I had been a lawyer or knew the viability of holding out due to health care. I'm going to lose mine real soon. I didn't know that could stall the negotiations so long.

[elleng]

2. NO LADDER NEEDED!

They live together! Unfortunately, she (and her sister!) attended with us lots of cousins' weddings (in Ohio), so learned something about what some would consider 'big' weddings. (To others, not so big!)

They think I'm weird for being SO un-! (I married in folks home, and wanted reception on lawn! FOLKS' guest list {in Florida} too long, so had to have it at 'the club.' OK, folks did all the planning. OK with us.

As to 'rituals,' was thinking about pre-wedding parties, etc. Girls have been thinking and working, so Engagement Dinner will be here (DC). Rehearsal, that's another thing. Amy (bride) is my advisor. I've sent a HELLO card to future inlaws; have met them. We'll see.

Just learned that 'husb' is sociopath; explains lots of things. Time for meds! (MINE!)

ps, I'm elible for Medicare, so definitely not focused on health care (unlike so many others.)