Any other moms here w/o primary custody?

[AlienGirl]

I have joint legal custody of the kids, but my ex has primary physical custody. Are there any other moms here who have a similar arrangement?

Tucker

[Cheswick2.0]

1. By mutual agreement

My ex and I never used the court system to negotiate custody. At the time we were divorced we agreed on my having primary physical and shared joint custody. At one point he and his girlfriend moved in across the street from me and I had to get out of there. So I gave them the boys and moved in with a friend for about 6 months.
I hated it and took the boys back and moved out of state. He paid the moving expenses and I am clear that it was because she did not want to raise my kids and he was willing to let them go to save his relationship with her.
They are now married and have twin girls. I have a very hard time forgiving him for putting her before his sons and then playing the martyr who's children were taken from him. But I have always encouraged them to have a good relationship with him and respect him for his good quilities.

[SarahB]

2. "Officially" yes

We just filed about 2 weeks ago (but decided on it last June). He really wanted the house (I didn't care, but he still has to give me a settlement which is coming) and I'm working nights (they can't be alone all night) and will be back in school in the Fall as well. Largely, it's my wacky schedule until I get out of nursing school in two years. I'm moving out in about a month and it'll be final in May. I originally just wanted to separate because we had so many problems for so long that I just needed space to get my head together (many of the problems got better when they finally came out into the open, but I was so young when we got together and I had had to emotionally detach so much just to cope with the problems, I didn't have much left for him), but he didn't think that was being fair to him and would "impact on any potential dating life" for him, so divorce it was. No comment there. :eyes:

I'll still be with my youngest a lot and they'll all be at my place at least a couple nights a week. We're pretty good at being practical and amicable here. He's not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. We're still friends to a large degree, but as partners, it hasn't worked for a long time unfortunately.

[movie_girl99]

3. add me to that list

he said it would be better that way because i had not worked the whole 13 years of the marriage so he didnt think i would be able to afford insurance etc...as it turns out he wouldve had to do that anyway. I have the kids most of the time by their choice. The ex and I live 5 blocks apart so we bot see them daily.

[Cheswick2.0]

4. BTW Tucker

How are you doing?

[AlienGirl]

6. I'm...okay, mostly

[LWolf]

5. No, but

we are in the process of removing custody rights from the mother of my grandson.

My son and she never married. He supported her through the pregnancy and birth, and moved on when it became clear, a few months after the birth, that her lifestyle choices didn't match his. He paid support, and we spent as much time with the boy as she allowed. By the time he was 3, she had 2 more babies, 2 different men, and was neglecting all 3. She moved them out of state where we didn't have contact for awhile. When she arrived back in town, she was arrested (and later convicted) at WalMart for publicly beating my grandson and endangering the other kids. While she was in jail, we took physical custody. Since there was never a custody agreement, we are currently working on one that will allow her supervised visits. She has called him a few times since being released from jail 3 months ago, but hasn't tried to see him. Meanwhile, we are all pitching in to raise him; father, uncle, grandmother, and great grandmother.

[villager]

7. best of luck with all that, LWolf...

keep us posted...

[LWolf]

8. Anger is a huge issue.

He is a very angry little boy; with good reason, but it's hard to see. He's angry about what she did. He's angry with the people he watched arrest her. He's angry with us for taking him. We've got him in counseling.

We'd hoped to have plenty of supervised visits, but he hasn't seen her since he watched her hauled off in handcuffs. When she was released, she immediately moved out of state. We can't supervise anything there. She didn't call him for over a month, and by Christmas she'd called him a total of 3 or 4 times. We offered to pay her way to visit him at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthday, but she refused all 3 times. Meanwhile, he is settling into a new life, and is doing well if you look past the anger and feelings of abandonment.