Has anyone had to deal with an over-seas divorce?

[comtec]

I'm living in holland with my ex (things have calmed to the point we can share the house)
but the reality is we're divorced in every sense but legal.
We haven't finished because it would make certain things complicated - immigration, the house, as well as reverse immigration.

that is she'd like to move back to the states to live with her boyfriend, a task made easier if i "brought" he rover to teh US before we divorce.

things between us aren't frigid, but i'll never trust her again.

has anyone had even remotely similar situation?

i'm more than a little lost, and my boyfriend would like me to move back to the us.
I came out to myself about 2 years ago after she told me she was in love with this other guy.
To say it broke me is an understatement... and everything i've been hiding came up, from where it was buried deep in my heart.
I haven't come out to my family... they\re loving, (tho my sister knows and is ok) Im too scared to tell them.

I guess this should be two posts in two groups LoL, but I prefer to multi task :Þ~

I don't know what im going to do.

I can't stay here, but I can't afford to leave (being jobless, that decision might be taken away from me as soon as my unemployment money runs out)

help?

[SheilaT]

1. Are you a permanent legal

resident there? What are the local divorce laws?

Can you get a job there? Back here? Don't waste time spinning your wheels over the many things you can't control. Figure out what you can control and go there.

[comtec]

2. im a smi-perminant resident

every 5 years i have to beg the government to let me say.

It's not really clear what i have to do to become permanent - I can also apply for citizenship, but it's not clear if i can get dual (which is what I'd like)

the clarity is caused by the ever increasingly conservative government. I can blame a bit of the confusion on my ex, but in truth a lot is on the government workers saying "oh just wait, the law will change in a year anyway"

and then... do I really want to live in a country more fucked up on immigration than the us?

but yes... thank you for your kind words

I guess I'm still trying to understand what I do have control over.

[SheilaT]

3. On the U.S. side, I believe you can

retain your U.S. citizenship no matter what other citizenship you take. This country no longer requires you give this one up. What their laws are may be different. You also want to be clear, if you do simply change from the one citizenship to the other, what advantages/disadvantages accrue.

The other thing I want to say is don't just passively let things happen to you. Take the initiative, figure out what most makes sense for you in your situation and then do it. It may be that what makes sense isn't what you really want to do, but don't let that stand in the way. Don't put yourself in the position of someday saying, Well, I could have done such-and-such, but I didn't.

[comtec]

4. What has me confused is the american policy here since 9/11

it's gotten really ass backwards as I understand it - Other expats who have been here for 10+ years have dual, but it's gotten fuzzy if it's possible now.
also since the conservatives have come into power the requirements for dutch citizenship (meant to drive all "dem dirty a-rabs out" has gotten really complicated and filled with flaming hoops - another reason why im debating if i should even bother -

finally, there has been a lot of talk being able to withdraw one's citizenship!!!!