Mediation and middle school

[Coexist]

Ok. Just finished final mediation and signed all the papers. Wow. What a sane way to end a marriage. Neither got everything we wanted, but that is probably as is should be. I highly recommend it.

That said, I am trying to sell my suburban dwelling and move with my one remaining minor child to the outskirts of downtown. It will probably be a culture shock to my middle-schooler, but I think that will eventually be a positive. Where we live is very boring removed quiet planned community.

I can't wait to be alone... to have mental space and rediscover all those parts of me I "compromised" away in the name of martial harmony. I also can't wait to have local 'walk to' activities other than shopping. But I worry about my son.

Anyone move a child at a delicate age to a new type of life? If so, any tips, red flags I should look for?

[mopinko]

1. not exactly

but i have raised 5 kids in the city, and i think it will be worth it in the end. the kind of independent things that kids can do when they can walk or take a bus to a zillion things, compared to life in the burbs, is just, well, it's what it means to be a real human. the small town i was raised in, there were 2 things to do once you were a teenager- go to the movies, and drink. to just move a kid away from that sort of stupid is a favor that he will thank you for eventually.

[Coexist]

3. thank you.

there is little to do here in the burbs for teens besides drink, and I am hoping he adjusts well.

[SheilaT]

2. Kids are usually a lot

more adaptable than we sometimes give them credit for.

As long as you maintain a positive attitude, maybe even a "Isn't this a great adventure!" attitude, it should be just fine.

When I was 14 years old, getting ready to start high school, my mother packed up the five of us kids still at home (oldest brother was off in the army at this point) and moved us about 1500 miles across the country (from upstate NY to Arizona) to get away from an abusive, alcoholic father. There was no legal divorce, but it certainly was as if she'd divorced him. We were desperately poor, but made it through the tough times. We knew that things would get better, and that getting us away from him was the best thing she could do for us.

Once I was an adult and had two kids of my own, even though I was at that point in a good, intact marriage, I finally understood the incredible amount of courage it must have taken Mom to do what she did for us.

[Coexist]

4. I appreciate your comments. thank you.

[SheilaT]

5. Thank you in return.

I often give advice about getting advice, which is this: Go ahead and solicit lots of comments or advice, and invariably you'll hear things that make you think OMIGOD! I would NEVER do that. And consider that advice to be very useful also, because it saves you from doing whatever it is that you decided wasn't such a good suggestion.

[mopinko]

6. where did you find your mediator?

i'm thinking we should do a legal separation. we have a big house. we could arrange it so that we are not really in each others face. maybe both do some traveling. he could go consult somewhere. but i feel like it would be good to hash some things out, and get some agreements. cuz i really don't trust him any more.

[Coexist]

7. I went online and compiled a list, then did phone "interviews"

We bought a book on mediation that had a good list of questions to ask potential mediators. We are both currently living in the same home until it sells/ one finds another place. It's not so bad .. But I'm looking forward to moving on