meet mr pinko- his own words

[mopinko]

this email is about a lot of things that probably don't need to be explained to understand the sheer mean of it, so i won't bother with too much. the first graph is about some old friends who had decided i was a monster. they wouldn't talk to me, and he would talk to them, so it did not heal too well. most of what he says here are lies.


You don't know that. It's been 5 years and you should attempt to contact
them again. I never asked for examples of why they felt I got the short
stick. Maybe they saw how you didn't really care about me. Maybe they
saw how you felt everything that happened was my fault. Maybe they heard
you talk about how I never helped raise the kids. Maybe they thought you
did not do your fair share in the relationship but that you were
insistent it was not for you to do. I don't know.

And you are the cruel one Mo. This constant revisiting of the event with
the idea that if we go there enough it will eventually change what
happened is cruel. It really is. Just rewrite it in you head and leave
me out of it.

I went to the therapist because you insisted on it. You had one and got
rid of her as I recall. In case you didn't notice everyone is wrong that
does not think the way you do.

You were driving me crazy. After a while I had no idea what was what.
But I can tell you no one I knew who knew me thought I was crazy.

I really don't want to be seen as attacking you but face it. Why does
the guild want nothing to do with you? You don't know? It's because you
are mean. You don't care about people's feelings. You think something is
right and nothing else matters. Period. You have no idea how miserable
you made Suzanne and Cat. You don't care. Kim won't take it and you'll
never get around it. She and the rest of the guild want nothing to do
with you.

I brought up Kenny. I ran into him on the street the other day. You know
what he said? He's waiting for you to call and apologize. Why don't I
think you ever considered doing that?

Did you ever see Greg? Ever wonder why?

I'm one of the few people on the planet that actually likes you and you
spend most of your waking hours trying to figure out how to alienate me.


I called you prickly. You don't like that description. Ok. You are
unkind. You are not a very nice person when it comes to caring what
other people feel.

You know what will get you living in the street? You own stupid stubborn
self. You will go to your grave knowing you were wronged and everything
else that happens doesn't matter because that's all you care about. It
won't be because of me. It will be by your hand.


-----
this is pretty much what i get any time i am in a lot of pain, and try to turn to him. i need to spend more time with the dogs.

[SheilaT]

1. Then don't turn to him.

You are divorced, right?

You can get a new email address, share it with those you want to have it, and stop checking the old account. Or, you can always delete emails from him without opening them.

There must be others in your life who can help you when you are in pain.

[mopinko]

3. nope. not divorced or even separated at this point.

still living together. I have nowhere else to go, and no money, either.

[SheilaT]

4. I hope you are doing everything you can

to make it possible to leave. You should not stay with someone this toxic.

[mopinko]

5. everything I can but

not much to be done. got another year in school to be able to try to get a decent job. trying to get some work anyway.
doing an art fair this weekend, but that is a can of worms. health is crappy to boot. hope anyone?

[SheilaT]

6. Wjhat are you taking in school?

The thing is, there ARE jobs out there, just not necessarily good ones. Too many people seem to think that not a single person has been hired for any job anywhere in the past several years. Not true. I'm 62 now, and I've been getting work.

If nothing else, you ought to seriously consider a retail job for this holiday season. It's money. You can save, build a work history or a sort.

Just don't set yourself up for failure by focusing on some narrow field, or extremely specific job that has only a dozen openings nationwide. I see that all the time, for instance people who complete law school and say there's no work for lawyers. Wrong. If you're willing to do DWI and divorce work, you'll have more clients than you can handle. If you want to work for a firm that does environmental impact statements, it'll be a lot harder.

My 27 year old son completed a CAD (Computer Aided Drafting) degree in May. He's been looking for work, has been getting interviews, which is a good sign and means companies are hiring in that field. But no offers yet, and with a little prodding from parents went back to the community college where he got his degree and applied in their CAD lab. He was practically hired on the spot, partly because he was a known entity. It's not what he wants. He really wants to do real CAD, but it's a paycheck and he commented to me that the benefits are surprisingly good. Oh, and he lives in the Kansas City area, which has a very large concentration of engineering firms, meaning there are a lot of potential jobs for someone with CAD.

I know it's tough, but it's not as totally impossible as some would like us to believe.

[mopinko]

7. I am taking graphic design

at the art institute of chicago. I do have contacts with political people around here, so I do have hope. just that freelance is a job in itself.

[SheilaT]

9. For what it's worth,

it seems as though the more engineering side of graphic design has a lot of job potential. But it may be that I'm simply a whole lot more tuned into that side than the art side.

[PassingFair]

13. Have you talked to a lawyer?

My brother moved out on his wife (well, she kicked him
out after he told her that after 23 years of marriage,
he wasn't "sure if he loved her".)

He put 6 months rent down on a flat and then they
began the divorce talks.

After hearing her demands (which included him paying
for her schooling for 4 years and paying alimony as
well, plus college for his THREE HOME SCHOOLED KIDS
IN THEIR 20's WHO STILL LIVED AT HOME, plus the mortgage)
and after getting estimates for 2 lawyers, he
decided that he was still a bit in love with her (surprise!)
and was willing to work on the marriage.

That was about a year ago, she has lost 75 pounds and gone
back to school (1 class, but hey, it's something) and he
seems OK with the situation.

They also bought a new bed, which they sleep in together
(they had been sleeping in separate rooms for about 15 years....)

So, I suggest you find out how much a divorce will cost your
husband, and see what happens from there......

[SheilaT]

14. Divorce laws are specific

to each state, and of course I don't know what state your brother lives in. However, just because she made all the demands you outlined is no guarantee she would get any of them.

And even though I'm not an attorney, let alone a divorce attorney, I feel pretty sure that no judge would require him to pay college costs for children now grown adults. Typically support of any kind ends when the kid turns 18, which means paying for college is totally a negotiable item.

Do advise him, if the possibility of divorce comes up again, that he consult his own attorney to find out just what his financial obligations would be.

[PassingFair]

15. They were trying to settle the divorce in mediation.

He thought her "demands" would be just a starting
point, but she wasn't "bargaining".

When it became apparent that they would have to hire
lawyers, estimated at $10,000 PER SIDE
(cha-ching!), he changed his mind about the
divorce.

She had never WORKED A DAY IN HER LIFE, and my brother
felt guilty about leaving her and the three boys she
had raised in near isolation, with no ongoing means
of support.

He backed down.

Maybe Mopinko's husband will, too, when he looks at
the financial trouble they might be in if they go
through with divorce.

My brother thought his wife would be happy to get the
house (it's paid off) and he could go on his merry way,
but she didn't WANT the house (which is now worth half
of what they paid for it).

[SheilaT]

16. My divorce cost an awful lot less

than $10,000 on my side. And I certainly did not get all of what I wanted, although I wasn't asking quite what she was asking.
He needs to research the divorce laws in his state.

If he's okay being back with her, that's one thing. But I suspect from what you've posted that he's only delayed the inevitable. I do wish him well, and good luck to him.

[PassingFair]

17. They're both nutty.

I don't think he's even remotely happy,
but he couldn't see a way to make sure
that she and the kids would be taken care
of and he could lead "the single life"
of his fantasies, so, there they remain.

[mopinko]

18. i finally got a referral for a good lawyer. i will go.

i have no intention of leaving my home. he will have to leave or behave. he is not going anywhere, but he is moving into another room, and leaving me most of the second floor.
he will have to give me some maintenance, and the kids should still get tuition, but that is between them and him at this point, as they have never even wondered if they would go to college or not.
i will need to get a decent job, but i am feeling a little more optimistic about that. i have been putting out feelers, and have had some good feedback. should get some good support from school, also.
there is some 401k money, which i might have to swap for the house. we will have to see what the details are.
there is enough money to need a lawyer to look after it, although not enough to do it without some pain.

[elleng]

2. Sorry, not reading now, as 'mr. elleng' lies and deceives,

is avoiding arbitration and MAY be a no-show at trial. SO, I'll read about politics instead! LOL!

[mopinko]

8. so, he's looking at condos downtown.

which i told him to do. still hard to wrap my mind around the idea of it being over. still thinking he is going to come crying home and beg to get some help to keep it together.

[mopinko]

10. another day of the shock of the end.

had some conversations about some touchy subjects, and they failed pretty miserably. seems like everything around me is dead.

[mopinko]

11. he's going to his boss's son's wedding without me tonight

i fear that is the starting bell for all the single (and probably a few not single) women at his company to go after him. he is a powerful guy, makes a lot of money, not bad looking. he will be swarmed.

[SheilaT]

12. It feels to me that the most important thing

you can be doing these days is to be taking positive steps to move on.

The end of a marriage can be more painful than anyone might suspect, and the only cure I know of for it is time. And making your own new life. I spent a year drinking, and then moved to another part of the country. Even though there are still things about him and our marriage that I miss, in my most optimistic fantasies I can't imagine we would have moved together to Santa Fe, where I am now. I have such good friends, have started a whole new career in hypnotherapy, and these days my life is very good.

Hang in there, do everything you can to move on.