well, we are splitting up, we know that. but what is

[mopinko]

going to happen exactly, i don't know.
we tried to give it one last try, and it sucked so bad it wasn't even funny. so we are sorting our spaces out so that we can stay out of each other's faces, hopefully. we are still aiming to try to keep it together-apart until summer. i need to finish school, kiddo needs to get into college, the rest of them need what they need to stay in college, which right now is free room and board.
i need my health insurance, so i am in no hurry to make this legal.

i think he will settle in and chill out. i am over trying to talk to him, or trying to make any change, and i think that he will float along rather than really digest things. kids are telling him not to be a jerk.
all bets are off if he finds a girlfriend, but whatever.

looking for a lawyer, tho.

but the good news is that much to my amazement, i have 2 job interviews next week. should be interesting.

[SheilaT]

1. Good for you.

You may be able to get a settlement in which he pays for your Cobra. As important as health insurance is, staying married just for that might not really be in your best interest, especially in the long run. Ask divorced people who they used, how they liked their lawyer. See if there's anything on the internets about any lawyers you are considering.

[mopinko]

2. i think i have a good one.

someone i know who was married to the offspring of a supreme court justice, and recently got divorced. she liked her attorney very much, and he was a big help to her in the face of some serious legal power, so....

[mopinko]

3. met with the lawyer today. he said i should stop worrying.

assured me that i will be awarded alimony, for as long as he has a job, and more than 50% of the assets, since he walks with the paycheck. he will have to give me enough to run the house, and eat. he will be able to get the amount adjusted when i get social security, and if i get part of the 401k, he will pay less when that starts paying. but all in all, he is stuck with the responsibility of taking care of me. health insurance is an issue, but....

i risked pissing him off by giving him this news. he whined a little, but somehow he got the idea that he could throw his money away fighting it, but he would end up doing what the judge says the law is.

i feel a lot better.

[mopinko]

4. told him to start packing

just persists in the same stupid games, bullying me about the phone bill, refusing to disclose the money, pissed at me that i got a lawyer (yeah, that could be what fucked everything up, getting a lawyer.)

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrghghghghghghghghghghgh

anyway, another lead on a job- they just opened a big, new apple store here. someone i know works there, and is going to recommend me. i think i would like working for them. decent money, and maybe even health insurance. :woohoo:

[SheilaT]

5. Very good news.

Do not, do not, I repeat do not let him bully you. If he calls and starts bullying, just hang up on him. Take notes on every conversation. Don't meet with him alone.

Congratulations on starting a new life. It can be very difficult, as I well know.

I've recently realized that even in my most optimistic fantasies of my marriage not ending, we would not have moved to Santa Fe, and I cannot describe how much I like living here. I have new friends, new work, and could hardly be happier.

[mopinko]

6. so he finally lawyers up and the first thing he tells him is

he doesn't have to leave. great. he's gonna hold out for the settlement, so he can buy a condo. lawyers will start talking this week. we shall see.

my job interview was amazing. i think i definitely will get some free lance work at least. nice pr company, mostly on the right side of things. should be interesting.

[SheilaT]

7. When you say

"he doesn't have to leave" does that mean he's staying in the same house with you? If you don't want him there, see if you can immediately file for a legal separation to get him out. I'm sure your attorney will know everything that can be done.

[mopinko]

8. yeah, he is still here.

he doesn't want to leave until we settle since he is planning to buy a condo. he doesn't want to move twice. his lawyer is telling him that he doesn't have to support me for but a couple years. i have a good one, tho, and i think we will be able to work something out. he thinks the answer to the problems is for me to leave the house.

he has been behaving lately, and actually seems to be trying to figure out how he ended up in this mess.

[SheilaT]

9. What does your attorney

say about his continued residence?

[mopinko]

10. my kids have given him some shit.

full disclosure- i just started treatment for depression. the kids sorta went to him when they found out, and told him he had to just cool it until i get that stuff together, and finish school. he is trying to behave, and the kids will not let him get out of line. he seems to be leaning towards trying some counseling. even just to make this smoother.
he is still looking at condos, because we also have kids that would like to be downtown for school. we can buy it cheap now, let the kids use it, and he can go there. there is a little pile of money set to fall in june, which could ease the impact of the purchase. kids will know where they are going to school.
my lawyer says that if i want to file, fine, otherwise finish school if possible.

i think i have good help. they will help him/us if he wants.

he is staying out of my way, and not doing anything stupid. he is cooking, cleaning.
i don't need the hassle of kicking him out right now.