i'm thinking gardening

[mopinko]

is part of the "bargaining" phase of grief, yeah? still together, trying to work it out. not real hopeful, but i think we are laying the foundation for a friendship that our kids still need to get launched.
do see that i am trying to make my house perfect, myself perfect. not that i think things are all my fault, but that things about me have made things tough. what i can do, what i can handle, just not optimum.
things will be different without kids, and maybe it will be better. i know, i know. but....

[murielm99]

1. Dear Mo,

I keep looking at your thread, and no one replies.

I hope your garden is growing well. I hope everything else is falling into place, too.

[mopinko]

2. thanks m9

the garden is going well. a lot of neglect to undo, but a lot of tomatoes on the way. if only we can get some damn sunshine. it has been very healing to work hard and to have solitude.

things are not going too bad. he (now) wants very much to work it out. i am having an easier time seeing my own flaws and problems, as well as the enormity of some of the challenges we had raising these nutty kids. it has been such a long hard haul. he is learning that i am an autonomous being, not just a part of a family.

it has also been good to talk to lawyers, and for him to see just how much of this thing we have built belongs to me. especially the house. i know i can get it in a divorce, and would, so now it is my house, not ours, and sure not his. funny how much respect you can get when someone knows you can really fuck them over.

anyway, floating along, which is a little frustrating. but enjoying my very good life while i have it.

[elleng]

3. Very good to hear this, mop, about your progress.

STILL in court w mine, who's pretending to negotiate a settlement, and who representing himself thinks he can play me forever, which is what he's been doing. So will think of YOUR positive momentum instead of my not-so-much.

:hi:

[mopinko]

4. you need a red meat lawyer.

one of the things that worked in my case- he got a lawyer who said he was interested in a settlement, and if he wanted to fight shit, he would have to get another lawyer. the one i talked to was substantially more expensive. i told him that my lawyer eats lawyers like his lawyer for breakfast. he has some very, very serious credentials.
and i took half of the savings account so that i could afford him.
i was divorced before. we had nothing much to fight over besides child support. i had no money for a lawyer. i got a couple of them to do it pro bono, but nobody works that hard pro bono. his lawyer played the waiting game and won. i got screwed out of a HUGE amount of child support. he went from a minimum wage job when we split to a 6 figure income. i saw none of it.

do whatever you can to get a killer.

[elleng]

5. Thx. I'm very happy w my lawyer, he and I discuss strategy often,

I'm a lawyer too.

Our dispute is over amount of proceeds from sale of house I get. S.O.B.'s been playing us and able to do so, delay, pretend he's cooperating, 'cause judges don't want to go to trial over these cases, so order adr (alternative dispute resolution.) I recently filed motion for increased 'alimony pending litigation,' hope to have hearing on that, and will let judge know s.o.b. turned down available adr dates, saying 'we don't need it,' and went on to play games re: my proposed settlement agreement.

He just sent us signed Agreement, also asking for meeting among us to discuss a Tax matter. Meeting will never happen, as he's horrendous in such, manipulative, defamatory and mean. And he's trying again to play me re: tax. He loses that one, as I've been in touch w IRS. The newly 'signed agreement' was proposed November '10 agreement, arising out of 'agreement' arrived at in Nov. ADR. As circumstances have changed and he didn't respond to that one specifically until now, I've changed my 'proposed agreement.' He's had my changed agreement for some months.

Court calendar pretty full, but after all, trial is scheduled for October, and I think I'll get what I want then, 50/50+ interest+dividends accrued since house sale. S.o.b. will be sorry he played me, as I'll seek more at trial than I have been in settlement negotiations, where I've been 'ms nice gal.' This was due to agreement we actually arrived at in November in ADR, based largely on 'immediate' agreement. He 'balked.' Too damn bad.

Thanks, mop, for opportunity to vent!

[mopinko]

6. yeah, things take a long time to work their way through

the "justice" system. good luck. eat his lunch.

[elleng]

7. Hope to do that! + be able to eat MY lunch/dinner/bfst all over the world!!!

At the same time 'we're' planning daughter's September 2 wedding! Fortunately she's doing virtually all of the planning, she's in Philly area, s.o.b.'s in DC, I'm in MD suburb of DC, so there's a bit more communication necessary than otherwise. S.O.B. said recently we 'really should settle' + that he wanted to discuss wedding stuff w me. He is SOOOOO full of it!