We have an Agreement, signed and sealed; check for 1/2 to be delivered w/in 5-10 days.

[elleng]

Remainder to be delivered in January 2012.

RANT; please pardon.

Please help me feel better about this.

After 2+ years of him futzing around, playing power games, in court today and with encouragement of judge, we 'memorialized' agreement we'd arrived at in ADR 13 months ago. I get NO 'credit for time served,' that is, no interest on the funds which have sat in HIS mutual fund accounts since January 2009, sale of our house, nor do I get 'credit' for fact I agreed to less than 50% of proceeds 13 months ago based on premise funds would be immediately forthcoming. NOR do I get attorney's fees. We had agreed to these terms 13 months ago, and my attorney and I sweated bullets in the interim to put agreement in form to suit the p.o.s., thus running up attorney fees (which are very reasonable, by the way, but still more than $10,000.)

I attempted to change major term, 'Actual amount,' 2 weeks ago, after he failed to appear in court 26 October, me thinking to take our ADR agreement off the table and obtain something more by 'agreement' OR go to trial and leaving decision to judge. Didn't happen, tho I could have insisted (and maybe annoyed judge, even tho he's a very good guy and probably would have understood if I had insisted on telling the tale. He didn't want to hear too much of the tale, so as not to jeopardize the status quo, that is, neither party providing 'evidence' today.)

So I'm annoyed at myself for not having been more aggressive, tho I did what I felt necessary in the context. (I am an attorney and somewhat aware of the does and don'ts in such courtroom situations.)

SO I hope to be able to relax into this, tho I'm afraid I'll retain the resentment, especially at times when I feel constrained from doing things, like traveling and moving to a 'better' neighborhood, due to my essential conservative nature spending-wise.

Thanks for listening.

E

[elleng]

1. Kick

[elleng]

2. Kick

[elleng]

3. Not happy today.

[SheilaT]

4. WHAT????

No interest on YOUR money that he (the a-hole) has held on to for more than two years? Is the judge a complete idiot? Or simply your basic MCP?

Does soon-to-be-ex have any personal belongings still at your domicile that you can destroy? Want some help striking a match or two?

I am furious on your behalf. I have some small regret that I didn't just throw out everything of my husband's when he went off to live with his girlfriend.

[elleng]

5. Thanks, SheilaT; waiting for you to see this!

First, I left the house after he hit me (October 2006,) he sold it Jan. 09, I retrieved belongings I wanted at the time (and was staying in a rooming house,) and had no place for more stuff. He's in apartment, and might give me things I want if I asked, but no intention to discuss anything with him now. (BUT as we have daughters, we do have to be in contact from time to time. Ugh!) I did let him know, during one of our little negotiating sessions yesterday, that I know he's practicing law w/o license, 'admission' lapsed years ago and he's not kept it current. P.O.S. that he is, maybe he'll think about that!

As to the judge, he's a good guy, we'd been trying to close separation agreement and avoid trial since Nov. 2010; had I refused to sign on to latest iteration of 'agreement,' we'd have had to go to trial some time in Spring, and I expect I'd have gotten interest from funds. But it was my reluctant decision to finish the damn thing now, so in a few days I'll have $160,000 instead of $200,000, (agreed to in ADR,) and ability to invest (and travel etc etc.) The judge didn't want to get into details/facts yesterday, so he'd be able to be neutral if trial had to occur in Spring; I understand his position, but he did, actually, mention fact of husb's control of funds, + accruing interest.

SO, I hope I can find some decent place to park the funds (after paying attorney fees, of course, another thing I agreed in ADR not to seek, but likely would have received after trial, imo.) Thinking of moving closer to old neighborhood in DC, been in exurb 60+ miles away in apartment in nice big old 'mansion' that resembles our old house, but neighborhood not as social as I would like. Will have to pay higher rent, so got to invest! Like this? Maybe not enough light, but the right neighborhood. http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/apa/2738308842.html

:hi:

[SheilaT]

6. I used to live in the DC area.

Alexandria and Arlington, so I know that part of the metro area better. I actually gave a lot of serious thought to going back there after my divorce, but I'm extremely happy I chose a totally different part of the country -- Santa Fe, NM.

Any place close to the Metro is good. Had I moved back there I'd have found something on or near bus and subway and would have happily given up a car.

It is good that things are almost over. But I still cannot understand a judge being willing to screw you out of that much money. How despicable.

A year ago I was coerced into accepting a 60 percent cut in my support money because the judge in question (and I KNOW his attorney made sure we got this judge) is notoriously unsympathetic to women. My ex is gaming the system, and I just tell myself that it's all karma.

[elleng]

7. Thanks.

Don't want you to think the judge wanted to 'screw me' out of anything. I decided to go ahead with the settlement agreement we'd negotiated in ADR 1 year ago, which did not include 'interest,' instead of me refusing to sign on to husb's last iteration and waiting for trial in the Spring. I could have done that, it was my decision. I should have sought interest at ADR 1 year ago, but didn't think of it, and of course didn't think it would take this long finally to close the deal.

I observed the judge, in dealings with other matters yesterday, and he's sympathetic to all; awful situations people, and the judge, have to deal with. He encouraged settlements whenever possible, and his docket is super full.

So sorry you were coerced; I wasn't, except by my desire to end it.

Glad you're happy in Santa Fe; visited once. Nice. Daughters in the area keep me here.

:hi: