I want to know what group of Republican PUMA-dorks is behind this website:

[Berry Cool]

www.hireheels.com

This is the so-hip-it-hurts, Sex and the Shitty Interweb outpost that desperately wants you to think it's THE primo hangout for those who love Hillary almost as much as they love their Manolo Blahniks--so much that they would NEVER be taken in by the imitation-leather pair of counterfeit Jimmy Choos that is Barack Obama.

The graphics are darling, the writing is precious, the whole thing just seems to idly tilt up its Ray-Bans and stare down its nose at you from the comfort of its chaise longue on the beach. You actually believe that liar Barry-Oh? Puh-lease. He is SO last primary. Let me give you some advice, girlfriend: don't listen to our gal Hill, just write her in, 'cuz we KNOW she'd make a better Prez and we gotta strike our blow for all hot chyx like us everywhere. And if you can't do that, then go for that McCain guy, 'cuz ladies, he may have a Y chromosome but he's sooo rockin' that retro-chic war-hero thang. 'Cuz, like, old and white is the new black--and if Cindy thinks he's hot, HE'S HOT!!

You just do not want to be caught DEAD voting for that other guy. 'Cuz, he's like Thelma's husband from Thelma and Louise, only a little darker. And girl, you just do NOT WANT to GO THERE. He will beat you, he will rape you, he will tell you you can't go away for a spa weekend with your galpals, which you just sooooo need. And worst of all--and this will really frost your cake--he's liable to call you "sweetie." Sexist pig.

So take a tip from the hip: It's Hill, Johnny Baby or nobody. Now step aside or I will grind the spike of my new F-me-hard stilettos in your face. Ha ha. Oh--what color do you think I should do my nails today?