Harry Potter and Keith Olbermann...the surprising parallels

[Berry Cool]

In honor of the new Harry Potter release, I present to you the following list of amazing parallels and similarities between the magical bespectacled wizard boy and our bespectacled wizard of news. Discuss...

HARRY POTTER
Born near the end of a month beginning with J
Wears glasses
Has black hair
Has his father’s first name as his middle name
Possesses talents beyond those of mere mortals
Still suffers aftereffects of head injury incurred in early ‘80s
Attends private school
Collects Quidditch cards
Thought of by family raising him as hopelessly weird
Sometimes can’t resist using his talents in naughty but hilarious ways
Can converse with snakes, but isn’t one
Has been accused of being “extremely arrogant,” having an explosive temper and being an “attention-seeking prat”
Hates prejudice
Has an 11-inch wand, nice and supple
Can cast spells without his wand
Likes to become invisible and sneak around Hogwarts
Forced to deal with annoying “newswoman” named Rita
Doesn’t seem to have much luck with girls
Troubled by Dementors, but coping with it
Engaged in ongoing battle with the forces of evil (Voldemort, etc.)
Doesn’t go looking for trouble; trouble usually finds him
Plenty of courage, not a bad mind, and talent, oh my goodness yes -- and a nice thirst to prove himself…resourceful, determined and with a certain disregard for rules…yet one of the good guys
Destined to become a legend

KEITH OLBERMANN
Born near the end of a month beginning with J
Wears glasses
Originally had black hair
Has his father’s first name as his middle name
Possesses talents beyond those of mere mortals
Still suffers aftereffects of head injury incurred in early ‘80s
Attended private school
Collects baseball cards
Thought of by family raising him as hopelessly weird
Sometimes can’t resist using his talents in naughty but hilarious ways
Can converse with snakes, but isn’t one
Has been accused of being “extremely arrogant,” having an explosive temper and being an “attention-seeking prat”
Hates prejudice
Has…uh, size-14 feet
Can cast spells, uh, without his wand
Likes to become invisible and sneak off to baseball games
Forced to deal with annoying “newswoman” named Rita
Doesn’t seem to have much luck with women
Troubled by Dementors, but in therapy for it
Engaged in ongoing battle with the forces of evil (Bush, etc.)
Doesn’t go looking for trouble; trouble usually finds him
Plenty of courage, not a bad mind, and talent, oh my goodness yes -- and a nice thirst to prove himself…resourceful, determined and with a certain disregard for rules…yet one of the good guys
Destined to become a legend