Keith lays down the law before his return!!!!

[Berry Cool]

"OK, you guys...as you can see, I'm getting ready to come back. And I hope YOU are all ready, because those of you who have chosen to make this past week a time to criticize my frequent vacations and my, ah, interest in a certain sport are all going to be VERY SORRY! Because this week I am going to REPORT NEWS like I have NEVER REPORTED before! It's going to be 'Kicking Butt and Taking Names' Week on Countdown--and if you're not careful, YOURS will be one of the names I take!

"But before all this begins...I insist on certain conditions taking place in the state of the KOEB Clubhouse. I poked my head in there just yesterday and could not believe my eyes! I go away for a lousy week, and it devolves into a complete mess! It's even worse than the last time I looked in a few days ago...and let me tell you, THIS CANNOT STAND! I refuse to waste an hour of my life every weeknight reporting news to a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys!

"So, before I return, the following conditions must be met:

"1. MOST of the pictures have to come down. You know, the lifesize, kissable ones (that look as if they have been pretty thoroughly kissed). Don't play dumb. You KNOW which ones I mean...This one:



And THIS one (betrayal courtesy of MY OWN SHOW!...oh, the pain, the shame!!):



"I KNOW you all especially like that one, because you like to imagine what he's showing you in there...'Is that a reporter's notebook in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?' Well, ENOUGH! I, your Keith, am a jealous Keith, and thou shalt have no other news gods before me!!

"Now just so you don't think I'm being unreasonable, you may keep one--I said ONE--picture of this guy up behind the bar. He is a colleague, after all. But a small one!! And no more kissing!!

"2. All drinks must be back at full strength. Watered-down alcohol is like watered-down snark. Neither has any place in the KOEB clubhouse.

"3. Lastly...please, please put the paddles away. There has been far too much spanking going on in my absence, and in my opinion it has been conducted using implements that wouldn't make the cut at Gitmo or Abu Ghraib. This must cease!

"Okay. Now that I believe I am understood, let's get ready for some Countdown, shall we? I believe I've got at least two or three good weeks in me before the next absolutely unmissable ballga...uh, er, I mean, my next planned vacation.

"So, you have plenty of time to clean up the clubhouse before 8 pm ET tomorrow. Get cracking! Then, if and ONLY if I am pleased with its condition, I will do Countdown! At which point I will have nothing more to say other than 'Tune in, listen in and enjoy!'

"Thank you."

--K.O.

[WolverineDG]

1. aw c'mon

you like the :spank:, admit it.....otherwise you wouldn't be gone so much.....

dg

[gkhouston]

2. this is a set-up

he'll just claim his "conditions" haven't been met and use that as an excuse for another vacation. Sorry, KO, not feeling codependent today. (And if you don't like the pics, give us one of you that will make us forget all about David, hint, hint.)

[crispini]

4. LOL, Houston.

Yes, David :loveya: Gregory definitely earned his floaties last week. It's so gratifying when a reporter asks exactly the same question you would have asked had you been there. :7

[RevCheesehead]

7. Welcome to the DGEB!

David :loveya: Gregory

[crispini]

3. Berry, you are so creative!

:rofl:

[Berry Cool]

5. Hmm, looks as if Keith saw what was going on here and has a response.

"Is THIS enough to make you forget about Gregory? Huh?? Huh????

"Well, if it's not...then come over here and I'll *give* you something to make you forget him..." (to himself: "I know I'm not supposed to fraternize with the fans like this, but sometimes when a man feels his political base slipping, he's gotta do what he's gonna do...")

"Oh, and don't act as if I must love being 'disciplined' by you guys or I wouldn't be taking so many vacations. I can't help it if I love a sport! Jeez! Just for that, I may have to go to the playoffs WHOEVER is in 'em! See how you like THEM apples!"

[WolverineDG]

6. sorry dude

we're holding out for pool pics. :evilgrin:

dg

[RevCheesehead]

8. "Ask, and ye shall receive...."

"...Seek, and ye shall find..."



"...Knock, it shall be opened to you..."




Be still, my beating heart.... I need a cold shower. :evilgrin:

[Berry Cool]

9. Now, just wait...

...these aren't all of Keith. Which sort of negates the point, doesn't it?

(OK, I admit it. Pictures of half-naked politicians of ANY stripe just doesn't do it for me. And robots...forget it.)

[WolverineDG]

10. ok, that did it

all's forgiven. :)

:loveya:

dg

[crispini]

11. Guh... well, that's certainly going a loooong way ...

towards making me forget about Gregory.... :drool:

Psssst!!! Keith!!! Wear The Tie again and I'll swear off floaties for Gregory permanently! or at least until he takes the next big bite outta Scotty McMoonface, heh heh heh heh

[gkhouston]

12. that's not much of a promise

considering there's a press briefing in less than an hour. :popcorn:

[Berry Cool]

13. Yeah, I turned on my TV when I got home

and who was there to greet me but David Gregory on Hardball!!

Oh dear Keefie...methinks you've got a lot of ground to make up...

[Clark2008]

14. David Gregory who?

While I think DG is a fine reporter, he cannot hold a candle to the intelligent beauty that is Keith. :loveya:

And, I don't CARE what my boyfriend says. :7