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Dan didn't say anything about not having him, so maybe he'll still be on the radio. Who knows?
Anyway, here's a basic rundown:
When Dan introduced him and said he was "brought to you by Monroe Shocks and Struts," Keith asked him whether he was the only part of the show "brought by Monroe Shocks and Struts." Dan then joked about Keith's backside being brought to you by Monroe Shocks and Struts. Keith said it would take something more like United Van Lines to bring us his backside. I nearly laughed my head off, then had to pretend I was actually working. Spent about half the day distracted by thoughts of Keith's allegedly van-worthy backside.
At one point there was a reference to a ballplayer with a mustache, and Dan called it a "porn mustache," and Keith said he wouldn't know what one of those was. Dan teased him that of course he wasn't, he was too high and mighty now doing the news. Keith then joked that he got rid of his mustache at a yard sale in 1996.
They spent some time talking about trends in news, in which Keith made the observation that while his audience was about five times its normal size after Katrina hit, it's now going back to normal. Said there are two kinds of people who watch news: the ones who want "real news" who only watch at such times and the regular viewers who want stories about cute kids, animals and missing blond girls. (I would like to correct him on this assumption, cough cough.) He said the news anchors who do endless stories about missing blondes present the story as a mystery and themselves as the heroes and that's why their shows are popular, but it has nothing to do with news, and that news is in a strange state now--"the more news you give people, the lower your ratings are" or some such thing.
After saying all this, he wondered if he still had a job.
Dan ribbed him about his old show and the Lewinsky thing, and he said that was just his point--Bob Costas got praised for refusing to do that kind of stuff but Keith had a hard time getting out of it under his contract.
They then went on to talk about Lance Armstrong's new excuse for deciding against a comeback, part of which he blamed on not being able to trust French hotels, which Keith thought was absurdly hilarious, but being half French, he said, in France he might have reason. But admitted he's still not crazy about Lance. They joked a bit about how popular cycling has become with fans and that Keith remembered when cows used to still be around on the road during the Tour de France, and Dan said "Once again you're bringing up Lewinsky" and Keith said "HEY NOW!" Dan...THAT was mean.
They had many discussions/arguments about baseball. Keith did not cheer the return of Barry Bonds and says he does not look like his old self or hit like it. For a while it looked a if Dan might do another reading from Barry's Web site, but no such luck. (It was hilarious last time.)
Dan also got to talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger and saying he has to dump the movie lines. Keith said why--they unfortunately work for him because people vote for him only because they know him from the movies. Keith said California should be in a state of "perpetual election," obviously throwing Dan a double entendre, but he chose not to pick up on it.
Oh, somewhere during the Lance stuff Keith made jokes about how if Lance didn't trust the hotels, why didn't he get a trailer? This led to Dan being miffed because he grew up in a trailer park. His home had no tires, but his grandma's did and he grew up wishing he could live in her house and go anywhere. Keith managed to wiggle graciously out of the accusation that he was making fun of trailer-park dwellers by just sort of dropping it. I guess that made him even for Dan calling Monica a cow.
The funniest part of all this was the accents Keith got to do...Ahnold (which he does well) and Dr. Phil (when he pretended to be psychoanalyzing Dan for being sensitive about his upbringing). "You gotta GET BACK ON THE HORSE!"
The phoned-in guest was Marshall Faulk, an NFL player from NO who has his own Katrina relief drive going, and spent a lot of time talking about, well, football, and who his fantasy players would be (although he claims he's not into fantasy football). Eventually this led to a joke (because it had to do with whether Marshall would select his own teammates) about whether Dan would "take Keith." Dan admitted he'd take Keith over Chris Berman and Keith said Chris would be on the line soon. ("And I've known that guy since 1972.")
That was about the size of it. Funny as usual, but now I'm just in a sad mood. :cry: No Keith on Countdown. I need to go bang my head.
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