The "Your Mass in 20 Minutes or Less Edition" - 3/06/05

[Clark2008]

Geez - I rarely ever start these anymore!

Where are you guys! :hi:

[RevCheesehead]

1. Tampa? Is it Spring Training already?

Hi, Clark! :hi:

For Keith: :loveya:

[Berry Cool]

2. It's the Keith's in Tampa Show!!

Hi, Clark and Rev!

For Keith: :loveya:

and, on edit, yes, it IS spring training. But Keith implied he's got more reason to be down there than just that.

Said he was away from a computer all weekend, too! Hmm.

[RevCheesehead]

4. Hi, Berry!

[RevCheesehead]

7. Is Craig wearing a Garcia tie?

:evilgrin:

[SharonRB]

11. Hard to say, but it could be.

[RevCheesehead]

15. Hi, Sharon!

:hi:
I am not thinking it's THE tie... let's not go there. :)

[SharonRB]

17. LOL

I didn't take it that way at all. It's definitely not a typical, boring tie, though.

[ralps]

12. Hi RevCheesehead, how are you doing? I've got a test tomorrow

morning so I've been on a clear diet all day. Blegh!! it's a colonoscopy Double Blegh. But Mike Malloy will be in UW Whitewater March 14th Yay!! :hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[RevCheesehead]

18. Oh, you poor dear.

Have you taken the drink from the dreaded green bottle yet? :scared:

[ralps]

21. I'm taking the pills Blegh 24 pills in an hour & a half

then 8 more at 5am & 5:15 & I need to get there at 8:15. It's going to be a long night I feel. :hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[RevCheesehead]

23. I hope you planned on taking the rest of the day off.

You'll need to catch up on your sleep. :hug:

[ralps]

28. I'm self employed so I don't have to worry about that, but my Mom

will be taking me to & from the test so she'll see how messy my aptartment is. :scared: :hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :scared:

[gkhouston]

91. snorf. That could scarier than the test! The Eye of Mom!!! n/t

[gkhouston]

90. flushable toddler wipes are your friend. :-) n/t

[SharonRB]

3. Oops -- I'll go delete mine

[Clark2008]

9. LOL - I waited until a minute after the show to start one.

Thought I was late, actually.

:hi: Sharon!

[SharonRB]

14. It was a few minutes after and I didn't see one, so I started

one and then saw yours.

[ralps]

5. Hi Clark2008, Hi Everyone

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[Muffstser]

6. Okay, what's the baseball event down there?

You KNOW that's why he's there.

[Berry Cool]

10. I like Craig's tie.

Can you believe...going after journalists...does it never end?!?

Anyway...Keith implies he's in Tampa for some reason he's going to tell us. Surely it can't be ALL spring-training related. ("Yes it can--and don't call me Shirley!")

[SharonRB]

8. Hi, Clark, hi, everyone

:hi:

[Berry Cool]

13. Hi Sharon

:hi: and everyone. I'm going to go settle down and watch--see you After the Show!

[bleever]

16. It's hard out here for a pimp.

At least, that's what I hear.


:hi:

[SharonRB]

19. I still can't believe that actually won

Although someone Rachel Maddow had on this morning thougt what probably happened is that the other two songs most likely split the vote and that one slipped in. No way the majority of the Academy voted for it.

[RevCheesehead]

20. LOL

I was gonna ask if that was experience talking. :hi:

[gkhouston]

92. now we know the sordid truth

it wasn't really a bodice snap that cost him that eye...

[RevCheesehead]

93. Oh?

Damn - I want our money back from OSHA. That was a hell of a settlement.

[bleever]

116. For your information, Gina:

Dame Judy Dench took my eye out in a bar fight.



:rofl:

[gkhouston]

121. but she replaced it

with a pimento, so it's all good. ;-)

[Patsy Stone]

109. Oh, may I?

[bleever]

118. Time for me to come clean -- my photo from The Smoking Gun:

But that's all behind me now.

Honest.


O8)

[Patsy Stone]

111. Martin Scorsese - 0

Three 6 Mafia - 1

:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

22. The Pat Tillman cover-up....

Geez - can this administration tell the truth about anything? :grr:

[Muffstser]

24. Any word on if Michael Musto's going to diss the Oscars?

Musto's comments would be more entertaining than the show itself. What a snooze-a-thon!

[RevCheesehead]

29. Hi, Muffy!

I'm sure he'll be snarking up a storm. :hi:

[WolverineDG]

34. The best part for me was

Clooney's acceptance speech. :loveya: Fortunately for me, that came right at the start. :)

dg

[SharonRB]

36. I was so happy he won right off the bat

He looked so hot last night.

:loveya:

[WolverineDG]

50. Oh honey

he looks hot in everything! :loveya:

dg

[SharonRB]

51. Or nothing (just guessing here)

But you knew I'd say that, didn't you?

[WolverineDG]

85. Oh duh

that goes without saying!

_{but you're still married so I still win}

dg

[gkhouston]

94. I liked the fake commercials that Colbert did the voiceover for.

Other than that, boy, they sure were trying hard to convince us that we absolutely MUST watch movies in the theater, weren't they? Worried much, fellas?

[RevCheesehead]

95. Actually, that was either Rob Cordry or Ed Helms.

They all can do that faux Ted Baxter announcer voice rather well.

Yeah, I thought the "see it on the big screen" apparently shows a crack of insecurity in the fortress. Of all the movies nominated last night, the only one I saw in theatres was "Good Night and Good Luck." All the others will wait for premium Cable premieres.

[gkhouston]

100. mm, maybe Ed, but it sure made me think of Stephen.

I still haven't see "Good Night and Good Luck" although I'd really like to, and I'd like to see "Brokeback Mountain" as well. My friend Mary said it was excellent -- unlike most movies with romance-gone-awry, it's not some contrived situation where you end up either wondering 1) why the characters think they're in love with each other in the first place because they are clearly mismatched or 2) why they can't sort out the plot device misunderstanding that's separating them because a chimpanzee could figure it out in 10 minutes. In this case, they were clearly in love, but their romance wasn't socially acceptable and one of them couldn't deal with that. Real characters, real conflict, real tragedy.

[ralps]

44. Keith - Crash would never win & Jon Stewart wouldn't crash

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[ralps]

25. It looks like Keith will be reporting on Ava Maria Community

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[SharonRB]

27. Monaghan is a real kook - he's from around here and used to own the Tigers

Domino's Farms, the headquarters of Domino's, is near Ann Arbor. I think he started Ave Maria college around here and it flopped -- I'm not sure, though.

[RevCheesehead]

26. RIP, Kirby Puckett.

Boy, that happened quickly, didn't it? :(

[Greylyn58]

40. Puckett was a great player

I'm trying to remember why he was no longer playing.

Oh I remember...he had to retire because he had glaucoma and it cut his career short. Don't know if in the years since he has contracted other health problems that might have caused this.

Terrible shame. He was a great player.

[SharonRB]

30. How did I get through the whole weekend without hearing about this?

What an idiot.

[RevCheesehead]

35. You mean the attack in Chapel Hill?

What a horrible situation. As much as I despise the Tar Heels, I'd never, ever wish this on their fans.

I know that spot - my ex-BF and I used to go there on Sunday afternoons, waiting for the afternoon movie to start.

[SharonRB]

37. Yeah - I hadn't heard about it

How awful!

[WolverineDG]

42. Don't feel bad, Sharon

I didn't hear about it until today either.

dg

[Greylyn58]

56. It was big news all over NC

especially since this whack-a-dooddle went to school here in Charlotte. Think he has some relatives here too. Can't remember.

[SharonRB]

59. I'm sure it was, Grey.

I didn't watch a ton of news over the weekend, but I'm still surprised I hadn't heard about it or seen it in the paper.

[Gogi]

117. I love that expression!

Whack-a-doodle, whack-a-doodle, whack-a-doodle!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Greylyn58]

31. Howdy All

Another great start to Keith's show!! :woohoo:

:hi: to Clark and my fellow KOEBers!! :grouphug:

[SharonRB]

32. Hi, Grey

:hi:
(and Sheridan -- woof!)

[RevCheesehead]

38. Hi, Greylyn!

I LOVE that pic of Sheridan! Gorgeous! :)

[SharonRB]

33. All Catholic, all the time

:rofl:

[Berry Cool]

41. OK, I had to come back just to say this, because it is TOO FUNNY.

Keith really DOES have no reason to be in Tampa other than spring training. :rofl:

He got PERMISSION to do Countdown from Florida so he could go WATCH SPRING BASEBALL!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

God, we love you, Keith! :loveya:

on edit: And he even got in the paper toss!

Thank you, Keith, for not going on vacation even when you go on vacation. :loveya:

[WolverineDG]

48. Being related to psycho Catholics

I can say authoritatively that these people are freakin' NUTS!! Honestly, I thought restrictive covenants were tossed out decades ago, but then I'm of the belief that society should move forward, not backward. yup, that's me, out of touch with the mainstream (just like my main squeeze, George C. :loveya: )

dg

[SharonRB]

49. He will be mine!

I'll fight you to the death for him!

[WolverineDG]

83. Um, I hate to tell ya this but

YOU'RE MARRIED!

Therefore, I win! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

dg

[SharonRB]

122. I am?

Well, there's always divorce. Hubby would understand.

[gkhouston]

96. given how wild some of the "raised Catholic" kids I've known are

is an all-Catholic town where contraception is discouraged really such a bright idea? :freak:

Anybody else wonder if this place will ever get off the ground?

[Berry Cool]

97. Well, if they discourage contraception

they shouldn't have any problems with generating a nice population boom...

[gkhouston]

101. yeah, except Catholics usually aren't that happy about

children born out of wedlock. Maybe the town will have an ample supply, for those quickie weddings.

[RevCheesehead]

108. I predict a surge in private adoptions.

And convents will once again become the havens for the naughty Catholic girls who suddenly find themselves in the family way.

Sounds like the not-so-pleasant part of Pleasantville, doesn't it?

[gkhouston]

110. I predict the naughty Catholic girls will leave town

and not return, ever. Assuming they settle there in the first place. I have a lot of doubts about the long-term viability of this community.

[RevCheesehead]

39. Jon Stewart would never crash???

Oh, don't go dissin' my other :loveya:, Keith!

[Greylyn58]

46. I agree Rev.

I had to work, but I taped the Oscars. I thought Jon did great!!





PS: Glad you like the pic of Sher...I like it too.

[SharonRB]

47. I thought he did a good job, too

Quietly and subtly funny without overdoing it. He was no Billy Crystal or Whoopi, but he was certainly better than Letterman or Chris Rock.

[Patsy Stone]

61. He didn't bomb.

The reason it seemed like no one laughed is because no one in that room could laugh at themselves. They laughed at the safe jokes, but when he started to make Democrat jokes they didn't laugh. Oy.

Hey, Rev!

I thought Jon was great. :loveya:

[SharonRB]

66. I didn't really hear any anti-Democrat jokes

I thought most, if not all, of his humor was from our point of view.

I loved the Bjork joke and even the joke about the first time we've been able to see all of our favorite stars without having to donate to the party.

[Patsy Stone]

68. That was the safe one

along with the Speilberg one and the not being able to afford enough gowns.

There was the joke about this being a rare time when you could see all these people together tonight and you didn't have to make a donation to the Democratic party.

I realize this is the first time some of you have voted for a winner.

During that montage, we just received a $50K check from Susan Sarandon. :)

[SharonRB]

71. Those weren't offensive, though

I guess I didn't think of them as being "anti-Democrat." They were funny. Maybe I can laugh at myself better than the Repukes can.

I even thought the Spielberg one was funny.

I don't remember the one about the gowns -- I must have missed that one.

[Patsy Stone]

74. Not anti

just where we were slightly the butt of the joke.

I thought they were great. I laughed. It seemed to me they didn't laugh as hard as I did. :)

[SharonRB]

76. There were a few that I think they laughed as hard as I did

Well, I'm going up to watch the Enron movie -- I rented 4 movies and that's the last one I have to watch.

See everyone tomorrow -- happy birthday to us!

[Patsy Stone]

81. Night, Sharon!

Is that "The Smartest Guys in the Room"? Enjoy!

[RevCheesehead]

67. The Oscar PAC ads were hysterical!

And my fav. line of the night: Isaak Perhlmann was caught finger-synching. (and he got a kick out of that, too!) :D

[Patsy Stone]

72. A riot!

Rob Corddry :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

75. Or when Jon looked at the giant Oscar statue,

and wondered if they tore it down, if democracy would take over the academy. :rofl:

Geez - there's no pleasing some people, I guess.

[SharonRB]

77. That was hysterical.

I think he got his point across without being too obvious in his criticism of the administration. Everyone knew what he meant. He didn't need to be more overt.

[RevCheesehead]

79. I guess since Hollywood specializes in over the top,

they wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them in the face.
Half the audience was looking around, wondering "is this where we're supposed to laugh?" Idjits.

[Patsy Stone]

82. LOL!

There were many good ones. I do hope they ask him back.

How funny was Ben Stiller?

[WolverineDG]

86. Ben Stiller

can make me laugh just by standing still. "Envelope, open yourself!" :rofl:

dg

[Patsy Stone]

87. OooOooOooOoo

:rofl:

I wish they had really given him a green screen. :)

:hi:

[WolverineDG]

89. heya Pats

:hi: if they had given him a green screen, it wouldn't have been as funny. :)

dg

[Patsy Stone]

106. I wanted to see the envelope

open itself. :)

How's tricks?

[WolverineDG]

120. LOL

Things are fine out my way? You? :)

dg

[gkhouston]

102. he didn't bomb, he didn't soar

he played it fairly safe and yes, it was an uptight crowd. They may like to think they're socially "out there" but their social consciousness is often consulted after they've checked in with their financial consultants. Not true for all of 'em, obviously.

[Gogi]

114. The Academy Awards audience is the absolute worst audience in the world!

I watched a singer struggle to get them to loosen up one year. Talk about being full of themselves.

KO:loveya: Suggested a couple months ago that MSNBC should allow you to do your show from Florida during spring training.

[Berry Cool]

119. We obviously then have Gogi to thank for Keith's devotion to us.

Thanks, Gogi. I'm emailing MSNBC right now with that suggestion of mine about establishing a satellite news studio at Yankee Stadium for the summer. I suspect if they built one of those and sent a TV crew over regularly, we'd see a whole lot more of Keith in June, July, August and September.

The biggest problem would be forcing him to keep his mind on the show when he heard the crack of a bat. Can't you just see him now, leaning over his script, trying to focus?

"Mr. Bush said that the prospect of immediate withdrawal from Iraq was (shouting to be heard over noisy crowd)...ah...DEEP, and...he didn't think it was PLAYABLE!" (Breaks out into big smile as unseen crowd cheers) "Ah, excuse me. What was I saying again?"

[Patsy Stone]

43. I came home just in time

to hear Keith say "Josh Beckett". Joy. :loveya:

Hi, Clark! Hi all!

Haven't read the thread yet, so I don't know what's been going on.

Is everyone having fun? :hi:

[SharonRB]

45. Hi, Pats

How was your weekend? Did you enjoy the concert?

[Patsy Stone]

54. Very much!

The drive was okay. Reconnected with the middle of Florida.

Just don't do it. :)

See, you get guys like the Domino's dude. Ave Maria, FL?
Yeah. THAT'S what we're missing. :hi:

[SharonRB]

57. He's all yours now. We had him for long enough!

[Berry Cool]

53. Yeah, although the Kirby Puckett thing is sad.

And the Chapel Hill thing is shocking (I hadn't heard of it before tonight either) and the idea of gagging journalists is just...crazy. As is Ave Maria, Florida.

Poor Keith. He's trying soooo hard to make it sound like he's in Florida for a good reason tonight. "Just down the road from here..." LOL, Keith. Give up. We KNOW why you're down there. You told us. Too funny!

[Patsy Stone]

60. And Rush made it worse

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=587141&mesg_id=587141

[SharonRB]

63. Why am I still surprised when he says shit like this.

Thanks for the link.

[RevCheesehead]

64. what's that about "bearing false witness?"

Rush, shut the fuck up. :grr:

Unfriggenbelievable.

[SharonRB]

52. And he'll control the "No premarital sex" thing, how?

[gkhouston]

103. marriage at christening

it's a new innovation. Guaranteed virginity. :7

[RevCheesehead]

55. Christian Exodus would consider seceding from the union....

"yeah, that worked well the last time." *snark* :rofl:

[SharonRB]

58. There are days I'd like to secede!

[Greylyn58]

62. Uhmmm...I live next to SC and

would really like it if ya'll would go some place else. South Carolina can be strange enough without new whack-a-doodles moving in.

[RevCheesehead]

70. Couldn't they get Jim & Tammy Faye's old place?

Put them in an amusement park, and isolate them from the rest of the world!

The funny part - the guy whose idea this is, is still living in California! :rofl:

[Botany]

65. I want the liquor, porno, condom, and beer store .....

..... right outside of Ava Maria. Hell, I would have a gay bar too.
Can you think of the money to be made?

? Do you know what state has the highest per capita use of porno?

Answer Utah!

[Patsy Stone]

80. LOFL!

Did I ever tell you you are my FAV?

[gkhouston]

105. "highest per capita use of porno"

are there people in Utah who are missing heads? :shrug:

I mean, if you can go blind doing it, suppose you don't quit -- then what happens? Does your head eventually disappear? Wouldn't that increase the per capita statistic for the state?

I always struggle with statistics... :+

[Botany]

112. beats me

:rofl:

[gkhouston]

113. aw, Cuddles...

as B.J. Thomas said, "Any kind of love is better than no love at all." ;-)

[Gogi]

115. That's a great idea, Botany!

A bar right outside the town gate would do excellent business (along with a no-tell motel!). A bingo hall would bring in lots of moolah, too.

[gkhouston]

104. I thought there was an echo in my living room

as my husband and I were saying the exact same thing...

[SharonRB]

69. Yay -- Michael Musto dishing on the Oscars

I knew he had to be here.

[RevCheesehead]

73. Aw, Jeez - leave Jon alone!

I'm sure his material was screened by someone. :eyes:

[Berry Cool]

84. That's what Keith is implying--that they watered him down.

Instead of letting him do his thing. Then again, he also implied that maybe the problem was he used too MUCH snark. Yes, that's right, folks, we just heard Keith Olbermann accuse someone else of being too snarky!

But seriously, folks...he has a point. I've been thinking thank goodness they don't ask Keith because he wouldn't be appreciated either, because he has no patience for Hollywood pretension either. Yet he actually seems to have sensed that if he did do a gig like that, he'd have to know when to be snarky and when to put a lid on it.

Agh, who cares. He's better off not having to deal with those people. It was probably a mistake for Stewart to say yes. I don't even watch the Oscars, that's how bad it is for me. I can gladly live without all that back-patting Hollywood has to do to itself annually. I like how Musto said that yeah, Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar, but she had to sit in the back of the theater when she got it!

Good night, Keith--and thanks for loving us so much you did your show on the road. :loveya:

[WolverineDG]

88. At least she got to go!

She couldn't even attend the premiere of the movie in Atlanta! :grr:

dg

[Berry Cool]

98. Whatsamatter? Theater balcony not big enough?

Or didn't they have a back door for her to enter through? :sarcasm:

That's really sad. But the story of life indeed, as it once was. Depressing.

[Greylyn58]

78. Well, talk to ya'll tomorrow night

Got to go and watch my new favorite series: "Digging For The Truth" on the History Channel. I love the host/archaeologist, Josh Bernstein. He is really hot!!!!

[Berry Cool]

99. I thought of a new way to promote Ave Maria, Florida.

"Mass in 20 minutes or less--or you get your first sin FREE."

[gkhouston]

107. "relocate now... first 20 homes

come with a free exorcism and a six-pack of indulgences."