Why is Conservative Judaism losing ground to Reform and Orthodox?

[Meshuga]

I consider myself a Jew who identifies with non-orthodox Judaism, although I appreciate some of the orthodox movements for various reasons. But I really identify mostly with the philosophies of the Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionalist, Humanistic, etc.

I favor the Reform movement because that is my background, but recently, I have tried a new Conservative shul where I really like the rabbi but I have had a problem with judgmental attitude from some of my fellow congregants due to my "Reform habits".

Our family is not shomer shabbos (we light the candles and have special family dinners but that's about it), I follow kashrut to some extent (i.e., I don't buy my meat at Kosher Mart and I don't have two sets of plates), I am not a regular at services (I find them long and boring), I enjoy more of talmud Torah than the piety aspect of Judaism, etc. so I am looked at as a not so great Jew and as "not the model congregant". I try to be active in other aspects of synagogue life, give feedback, organize events but I have heard the "but I rarely see you at services" put down when my suggestions are not well received.

At the first shabbos lunch that our family was invited to, after our first shabbos service as congregants, we went to this family's house where the host made a negative comment just because I was writing someone's phone number down on a piece of paper during shabbos. I mean, didn't occur to this person that being shomer shabbos is my choice to make? I didn't say anything but it made me feel uncomfortable. I have spent shabbat in an orthodox friend's house where his family was strict but not preachy. His philosophy was to show how cool it was to observe shabbat so he would never try to force it down my throat because there would be a chance that a negative attitude would draw me away.

This person at my synagogue barely acknowledged our family's presence the next time we saw her after one of the services. She made me and my wife feel horrible.

The religious school at this shul is excellent and this helps with what we want as far as our kids. I theologically agree with this rabbi and I feel comfortable that he would teach Judaism that my kids would not come to reject.

However, there are other synagogues around with good religious schools. Perhaps I should give them a try. I am willing to try a different Conservative synagogue that has a great religious school. But is this judgmental attitude, that if you are not a regular at the services you are considered a lesser Jew, prevalent in Conservative shuls?

[Debbi801]

1. I have found that it varies from congregation to congregation...

Here, you'll find some Conservative shuls that are much closer to being Orthodox shuls. You'll also find some that are closer to Reform congregations in some ways. Why don't you visit other shuls and see if one has a better fit than another? You might be surprised.

I know that my Reform congregation has moved closer to Conservative in many aspects in the many years I have been there. For instance, once upon a time, if a man wore a kippah into the sactuary, people would have been shocked. Now, the majority of the men (and some women) wear kippah And even tallit. There are more prayers recited in Hebrew than there used to be, and the Rabbi talks more regularly about keeping kosher, honoring shabbat, etc.

Generally here, when I've attended other shuls, I'm always made to feel welcome, even if it I am not a regular.

[Meshuga]

3. We are checking out two congregations.

One is affiliated to the Conservative movement that my friends, who are members, swear that people are not "judgmental". Then there is a beautiful reform congregation that is a small fortune to join since the dues and building fund are outrageous. :-) But it is an option since the religious school is great.

My current congregation makes me scared to face this new conservative shul but I will give it a try. We are going to do a lot of "test driving" before committing to membership. :-)

[question everything]

2. I think that you will like the Reconstructionist movement

Here is a list of their congregations

http://www.jrf.org/cong

[Meshuga]

4. Thanks!

I identify with the "Kaplanian" theology and I would love to join a Reconstructionist congregation since both my wife and I would probably get a lot more out of being with them. But the Reconstructionist community is about 20-30 minutes drive from our home. I will give the Conservative or Reform in the vicinity a try and if worse comes to worse I will go for the longer drive. :-)

Thanks, BTW!

[Betsy Ross]

5. You will find jerks in any denomination.

I've been accused of being "too orthodox." Go figure.

[Meshuga]

6. I guess the problem is the lack of respect for

the path a person has chosen. Criticism comes from all sides no matter where you go. :-)