need some encouragement to make connections...

[Maiden England]

Ok fellow DUers, a swift kick up the ass is what I probably need.

So anyway, I'm a very lapsed Jew, grew up orthodox, surrounded by the Jewish community, heck I even went to the only Jewish boarding school in the UK. I ran our local Hanoar Hatzioni youth group, did machon in Israel on a year out. The works.
Then I lapsed, most of my friends weren't Jewish, and most of the Jews I knew, weren't all that friendly, mostly very cliquey.

Anyway, fast forward about 10 years. I'm not observant, I married 'out'. I've moved 5000 miles to a different continent. I know very few people here in the US. I've been thinking a lot about religion recently. Especially with all the fundy crap. I honestly wasn't prepared for all that in my face when I moved over here. Anyway, definately happy to be Jewish and all. But anyway, I feel like I want to be a part of a 'community' as it were. There is a tiny community where I live, about 60-odd famiilies. Its a reform community, and from the little I know from the URJ website, that sounds like I should have been a reform Jew from the getgo.

Anyway, I emailed the congregation, and got invited to contact them and show up to their shabbat service and now I'm having panic attacks about showing up on my own, on a Friday night and presenting myself to a whole bunch of strangers. I feel very vulnerable. Probably mostly due to the cliqueyness I remember. Heck, I haven't even mentioned all this to my hubby, who is firmly a lapsed baptist. I have no idea how to even broach the subject with him.

Y'all kick me up the proverbial and tell me I'm being an idiot and just to call the woman and go to a service! Or not....

[rockymountaindem]

1. Reform congregations are not clique-y.

There's no reason not to go. Believe me, nothing makes a congregation happier than to see new people walk in the door, especially small ones. If you go you'll see a whole bunch of happy Jews. If you want to get back into Judaism there's no reason you shouldn't.

[Maiden England]

5. Thanks guys!

Although it was way too much for me to psych myself up in a day to go this week, I'm going to phone the lady who emailed me next week and talk to her and arrange to go to the Shabbat service next week. That way I can find out whats expected and the lay of the land.
My amazing DH, said he'd even go with me if I wanted him too. Now thats not bad for lapsed baptist ;)

And I get all week to psych myself up for it, bonus!

[Sgent]

2. Just go

I went to a URJ synagogue when I was young, taken by my grandmother. Never stepped in a shul other than that (other than bar mitzvohs).

Fast forward 15 years. I was asking many of the questions it sound like you are. I finally got up the nerve to show up for a sabbath, and it was almost like a homecoming -- I couldn't have asked for a more welcome reception.

Since then I have moved a couple of places, and have had no trouble walking into a shul on a Friday evening for prayers.

One final note, Reform shuls can be all over the map in their observance and formality -- some are fairly traditional, others are not. Only in the last 10 years or so has the reform movement readopted such ideas as keeping kosher, wearing yalmukes, and hebrew services -- and this is left to the individual. You shouldn't feel out of place if your hebrew is a little rusty (or non-existant).

At least at my shul, non-jewish spouses are encouraged to participate where they can comfortably, even if they don't feel they can/should convert.

One final note, you may wish to look for a conservative shul if you feel the need for a more traditional observance. They split the middle between reform and orthodox, although since they don't recongize the lineage of the oral torah as being divine, but rather a voice of tradition -- their motto is "tradition gets a place at the table, but not a veto".

[Behind the Aegis]

3. Go!

I know it is a risk, but if you feel the need, then you should heed it. You can take a friend to ease the anxiety. The reform sect is pretty easy going and usually not very cliquish. You will find that in smaller communities that Jews cling to one another (even if they dislike each other) because of the attitudes from the "outside" world. When you get into areas with large Jewish populations, it is much different.

Remember, the most important place in the Jewish world is the Jewish HOME! Considering the history of our people, it makes sense that most Jews still view their homes as more important than Shul. IT doesn't mean don't go, but which building we choose to worship in is secondary.

If you can't find a friend, I would wager that some of us Jews here will go with you in spirit! :)

[asthmaticeog]

4. Go.

Reform Judaism was founded by more-or-less lapsed Orthodox, remember. All who wish to worship should be welcome. You might be reacting to how some (SOME) Orthodox leaders seek a great deal of proof of commitment before they'll truly accept someone into the fold. Reform Judaism doesn't work that way, or isn't meant to, anyway. Perhaps you could phone the Rabbi and arrange to chat before you attend a service?