March 15, 2004

[Behind the Aegis]

This is my 7000th post. I wanted to make a grand post, but, today is a day of great pain for me. I can't spend my time creating a post of anything other than something personal.

Two years ago, today, at 10:13am, one of my three brothers, called me and told me that our Aunt Becky had died. I was stunned! I had to ask that he repeat what he said. There was no way that what he said was true! My aunt was only 56. But, it was true. My aunt went on to be with her husband.

I sat in my chair, completely stunned. I didn't know what to do. Then, I realized, I had to call my mom. This was her sister-in-law and my mom had lost her grandmother, her mom, and her dad in the span of a year. I was calm and spoke to my mom. I could hear her pain. I didn't break tough, I couldn't. All I could do was say I was "sorry."

Who was my aunt? She was the woman married to my mother's only brother. She was the woman who lost her husband two weeks after my birth. She was the woman who already had a son and was pregnant with a second child when she lost her husband, my uncle. She was the woman who never remarried...who NEVER even dated another man after my uncle's death. She was the woman who raised two children into adulthood by herself, and became a grandmother, who's love knew no boundaries. She was the woman who scraped money together to send her nephews (all of them, including me) a Christmas gift, even though she didn't have the money. She sent my 2003 Christmas gift to my mom. I love my mom, but getting mail out sometimes...well, it is a chore. So, in May, I got my Hanukkah and Birthday gifts. Included in that package was a black shirt that my aunt bought and gave me for Christmas. Two months had passed since her leaving us, but there I sat with a black shirt and a note saying "you always look so handsome in black." It took me almost three hours to stop crying.

My aunt always worked for what she had! She never wanted hand-outs. The only time she accepted charity (and only from family), was to help her children. She was not a vain or proud (the bad kind of pride) woman. She worked up until her liver gave out, and was fired from her job. She was a kind, loving, and generous woman. The system failed her. Our government failed her. But, I have to be like her and not blame them.

I should also say...in 2003...my partner and I were traveling through that part of the country. My aunt, who was from KY and IN, had never let that region. He and I stopped by her place in August of 2003, I hadn't seen her in over 10 years, but I talked to her often. We didn't announce our "homosexuality," we just helped her carry in the groceries and she had food for us. She made sure I saw her children, my cousins, and her grandchildren, my 2nd cousins, before we left. From that point on, she always asked about my partner! She knew who I was. She knew that someone loved me for me. Although, she might not have 'understood,' I will never know...she NEVER treated me with anything other than love!

So, today, her children, my cousins, Christy and Johnny, and her grandchildren, and her family, mourn the loss of a woman whose heart was filled with nothing but love! Two years ago, today, my aunt, Becky Brown, went to be with her husband. She filled my life and those around her with love.

So why is this in the "Jewish group" forum? My branch of the family is Jewish. Today is her Yertzeit. This is the day we remember, even though it is sad for us, that she returned Home.

[rockymountaindem]

1. God be with you.

A very nice tribute.

[Andromeda]

2. I am so jealous, BtA...

I had an aunt who was a take-charge school teacher with a great wit but no tolerance for nonsense and little capacity to show love. I tried all my life to please her but I was never able to connect with her---until the end of her life.

She died alone in the hospital because neither of her two sons was able to be by her side when she took her last breath. I lived over 2000 miles away and my only contact was by telephone to my cousins and to the impersonal nursing personnel at the hospital. When I called to check on Elene's progress the nurse I spoke to curtly told me, "She's dead." Just like that.

I felt awful and when I talked to one of my cousins I could tell how difficult it was for him. I was surprised at my reaction to her passing because we had not been particularly close but I realized that Elene had done the best she could. She was a very strong woman who had had many personal setbacks and heartaches in her life and that's what made her the way she was.

In spite of Elene's reticence to give of herself personally and emotionally, I loved her.

I must have had some kind of connection with her because even though I knew she was going to have surgery from which I had hoped she would recover, I felt uneasy. A few days after the surgery I called Ed, my youngest cousin, who I hadn't talked to in many years and asked him if Elene was okay. He told me that he'd brought her home but she started getting real sick and he had to take her back to the hospital.

Right before Elene checked into the hospital she sent me a picture of the family home in Healdsburg, CA where my grandfather was born. That picture means so much to me because I feel that Elene was finally trying to make a connection to me.

[Chi-Town Exile]

3. Beautiful words about a remarkable woman. eom