Anybody else ever have a hard time being sympathetic?

[LynzM]

I feel like such a bitch right now - I'm a type 1 diabetic and have a friend who was recently diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. She's really frustrated and overwhelmed. I've been helping her learn to negotiate the waters, but find myself having less and less patience with her level of frustration for her docs with not being able to get it figured out "once and for all" and with the possibility of having to carry insulin around for lunch and dinner, not just breakfast. Some selfish and spiteful part of me is screaming "Don't you know that this is what I've been doing for 16 years, only worse?!?! :banghead:"

Please tell me I'm not the only awful person who ever feels this way... I'm almost scared to post this.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

1. Yes.(and then i hate myself for it)

mainly with people who won't go for help even though they know they need it.

my partner has been having tension headaches lately- I try to sympathize. I really do. but as a migraine sufferer, i could only wish for tension headaches instead of the migraines that so influence the quality of my life. So, I tell him to take an advil, and get rid of the pain. He refuses, not wanting to take meds. (i think this is a reaction to the fact that my backpack looks like a pharmacy tripped and fell in there) So, he complains about the pain and won't do anything about it. I usually say "Awww, I'm sorry, is there anything i can do?" He looks at me and says "yeah- get better." (see next paragraph for stuff that's going on in addition to chronic medical conditions) Nice guilt trip there, eh?

I could think of several more examples, but i'm in too much pain. (and frightened and overwhelmed myself) i was in a car accident a month ago and was healing... but may have reinjured something, or have a pinched nerve. I still need narcotics, and the doc i saw yesterday treated me like a drug seeker. I had only been seeing him 'cause the PT was worried that something may have gone awry- less strength in right arm... and also 'cause i was in so much pain that he wanted me to get something that would work to kill the pain. Dr. Wonderful asked what had worked for me up to this point.. and then disregarded everything i had said... gave me something that I knew wasn't gonna do it. I had stated a preference percocet, as it had been relieving 100% of the pain, and I was not having any problems with it- ie- work was possible, driving was possible, etc. or even darvocet- had worked in instead, i get tylenol 3. And while there's some pain relief, i'm mildly fuzzy headed and had to take the day off work. ( not that i had any vacation days to spare, mind you!)

I understand how you feel. I also understand how crappy it can make you feel (later on, or at the time) to have those feelings of lack of sympathy. Thanks for this post. I really needed to talk about this- and would never have thought to bring it up.

:hug:

[LynzM]

2. Oh dude, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through...

First, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'd be kicking your partner in the pants, good grief. "Get better". STFU, dude, geez. Like it's your fault that you have migraines?! :hug:

I'm sorry to hear about your car accident and the lack of helpful pain relief. Is the guy you're seeing a pain management specialist? If not, and there's any way you can get in to see one, I've heard good things. You might try PM'ing Redstone for some help with that aspect - I know he deals with chronic pain, and has for a long time.

I hope that you can find a doc who will work with you, instead of criticizing you, and that your SO gets some sympathy going on, or at least decides to do something about his own pain before criticizing you. :hug:

[Warpy]

4. It sucks when they bump your pain meds down

but there's a very good reason for it. They only want you to be able to cope, even if it means coping badly. You probably do need to accept a certain amount of new pain. However, if it's a pinched nerve, you probably need to consult a neurologist. He can determine what is the best course, more physical therapy or surgery, to relieve that pressure. If the physical therapist has picked up on it, it should be fairly easy for you to get that consult from even the most reluctant insurance plans.

You'll need to be able to take Percocet after surgery, if that's what it takes, so going off it now may be the best favor you can do yourself, if you can manage at all.

In the meantime, recognize that docs hate keeping patients on drugs as powerful as Percocet long term because of dependency and addiction. They've also got the DEA breathing down the backs of their necks.

Good luck, and raise hell until you get that consult.

[Warpy]

3. This is all new to her and incredibly overwhelming

Remember when you first got diagnosed? There was so much to learn and you didn't think you'd ever learn it and there were a lot of times you just wanted to say to hell with it and pig out on spaghetti and chocolate cake and die, but you didn't because death from diabetes is slow and miserable.

Remember, this gal needs your support and part of that support is listening to her vent.

The hard truth is that gestational diabetes is often a precursor to type II diabetes later in life. If she gets adequate support now, she'll be better prepared later.

Plus, you can always tell her that taking care of herself will prevent her having to birth a twelve pound baby.

[LynzM]

5. No, actually, I don't remember, really

I was 9 years old, and I knew I was diabetic a month before my doctor did. I think that's actually easier to get it when you're young, because I don't remember that kind of stuff. Mostly just a lot of drinking milk when I didn't want to.

I know that she needs my support; I willingly give it. That's why I'm venting here and not asking her to not talk to me about it; I just wish sometimes that I were "only" facing 6 weeks of GD, instead of the rest of a life of Type 1.

[blondeatlast]

6. Hell, yes. I tend never to bring up my Type 1 in social settings because I know

I'll get one of two things: "Can you top my suffering?" or some dolt who's great-uncle died from Type 2 a gajillion years ago because "he just didn't take care of himself." :mad:

That's why I'm glad we have this group--we can just rant and no one gives us a hard time about it!

[Lurking Dem]

7. I feel that way a lot.

Sometimes I feel really bad about it but other times I don't. (Like when it's a "I'm reeeeally tired" whine from someone who has their health but stayed up partying half the night.)

I recognize that I am doing it but live with so much shit and hell so much of the time it is really hard for me to sometimes see it through their eyes.

Trying to be a better person......

[Control-Z]

8. I only have trouble with

the future ex who has been so cruel to me during my migraine attacks and has accused me of faking them for the drugs. How one fakes vomiting for 5 days straight, or the sweating and the high blood pressure is beyond me. I wouldn't wish my migraines on my worst enemy (that would be him) except that I have wished he would experience just one hour of the excruciating-if-this-doesn't-kill-me-I'll-have-to-kill-myself pain. So he gets a cold and thinks the world should stop and feel sorry for him. I just can't. But I don't feel badly about it. He's a jerk and deserves far worse.

[Lurking Dem]

9. There's a dinstinct difference

between lacking empathy and craving retribution. :+ Jes' sayin'.

[Control-Z]

11. Are you suggesting

I crave retribution? :evilgrin:

What I really want is for him to feel what it is like because I KNOW he would beg me to do ANYTHING to make the pain stop.

And if he made it through the hour of pain without committing suicide he would be so sorry for the way he has treated me over the years. He would beg me to forgive him. And then he would go to each and every person he has ever talked shit on me to, including doctors, and tell them what an ass he had been.

I can dream...

[Lurking Dem]

13. Sometimes people refuse to understand pain.

I think in there somewhere is the rationalization that if they accept your suffering then they have to admit that such suffering is possible. And that hey are powerless to do anything about it.

Does that make any sense?

[ncrainbowgrrl]

10. oh, gosh. I can't imagine faking that.

Migraines have changed my life...Added more pills to my daily routine, added additional stress on me, and my spouse. Caused many an ER trip, leaving me to pay monthly tithings to the hospital...

The throbbing, the photophobis, the nausea, the slurring of my words as an aura comes on... Oh.. it goes on and on. The postdrome where you feel kinda "off" and tired. It's a fulltime job at some points. :eyes:

I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Yes, that even includes slimy rethugs.

[Control-Z]

12. People who don't get bad ones

don't understand. It sounds like you get the kind I get. There are few things I fear more than the pain of a migraine. I seriously want to die - to escape the pain.

[neweurope]

14. Yes, often.

I've been chronically ill since 1998, getting constantly weaker and being in pain all the time. And of course I'm also plagued by the stuff healthy people are plagued by - headaches, colds and whatever. Recently a friend had a bad year with a spinal disc... she made much of it. We hardly talked about anything else for a year, and I was so sick and tired of it: I have problems with FOUR discs, in addition to every joint and a hell of a lot more... And she KNOWS it.

Of course I understand she was in pain and scared. Of course I understand that your own problems are always worst. But sometimes I was tempted to slap her. And I must really try very hard to look sympathetic when somebody complains about a headache or the like. You're not alone.

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Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[LynzM]

15. Thanks, neweurope

Many (gentle!) hugs to you for what you are going through. :hug: Of all the crap that comes with diabetes, pain is not (yet) one that I often have to deal with. I have so much respect for those who face constant pain and continue on, in spite of it.

[neweurope]

16. Diabetes is a hell of a sickness, too.

I know, the husband of my best friend suffered from it.
So here's a :hug: right back at ya!

--------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[ProfessorGAC]

17. All The Time

And, depending upon who it is, i don't really feel guilty. When someone who is willfully trying not to understand how hard every day is with MS, i have a hard time either feeling sympathy for them when they're sick or feeling guilty about that.

But, when my wife got sick and needed surgery, i had no problem being sympathetic (and empathetic) to her pain. She has tried hard to understand mine for 13 years.

Don't feel guilty. It is a natural reaction. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first. No matter how altruistic you may be, if you're down and sick, you can't help anybody.

Take care of yourself.
GAC

[LynzM]

18. Thanks, Professor

I didn't know that you have MS... many (gentle) hugs to you, that's a hell of a thing to deal with, too. :hug:

[ThomCat]

19. You're not an aweful person.

And we all have limits on our patience.

Oh, if we could all somehow be more than just human. :)