Advice? Help? Hold Hands?

[elleng]

Have been with my folks in Florida since April; my home in MD. Mother has mass in cervical spine, unable to walk + use arms properly, AND dementia. In nursing home near folks apartment, to which I drive Dad, pick him up, visit, bring our great 'private duty' care giver ride home or to bus, every day.

Medicare has run out, as she is 'not showing any more progress' from occupational therapy, so she's a self pay; $7600/month room + board, + diapers +; provide meds (few; no pain; she's very stable) + 'bathing.'

Studied, and suggested to dad that we get 'new' separate (1 br apt) in same community as dad for mom; pool view, door out to garden area, $3000 apt + 1 1/2 meals; we can retain aids, use Hospice services etc for 'reasonable' amts; save a fortune, enable us to be closer, i.e., I can sleep in her apt, etc.

Dad says 'no,' and I'm very upset; he 'thinks' too complicated; would like to know if there's any more to it.

I wanna go home!

Thanks for 'listening!'

[Warpy]

1. It's time for a family meeting with the nursing home social worker

to try to talk some sense to your dad. A timetable for your mother would be helpful. It wouldn't do her much of a favor to set this up and then land her back in a hospice unit in a couple of weeks.

Change of any type is hard on old folks. Sometimes you need to take the lead and this might be one of those times. The social worker can help you do it.

Just check with the assisted living place to make sure they'd take someone requiring your mom's level of care first.

[elleng]

2. Thanks, warpy.

Dad met with Hospice social worker few days ago; said "I saw MY social worker today!" Will try to reach him.

There is NO timetable for mother; 'best' docs could say, upon diagnosis, was 3-ish months, based only on 'likelihood' that she'd succumb to pneumonia. She had cough a while ago, and she recovered quickly with antibiotics. She's basically stable, non-ambulatory; only visible 'change' is dementia.

Have checked with place we're living; its independent living, NOT assisted at all, tho they're going to convert part to assisted, December allegedly. My plan is that the services she needs are easily available here, and I've confirmed this; they have aids for hire, and regular nurses who will follow her, and they'll coordinate with hospice, who will send aid 1 hour/day, and nursing team 2X week. We'll hire someones to be with her 24/7.

E