Looking for advice and support - father of an Anorexic daughter, at our wit's end....

[NRaleighLiberal]

This is a difficult post to make, but I have found the DU "family" to be bright, wise, supportive and creative, so here goes.

Our 24 year old daughter appears to be about to go downhill again due to her continuing struggle with Anorexia. She actually went through several months of on site treatment when she was 18 - because she was in high school and therefore covered under my employer health insurance, the finance part of this incredibly difficult problem didn't have to be a focus.

Well, this is a quite different situation. Since she is not in school, she is not covered - and her job doesn't offer her any medical coverage at all. I was recently laid off, so we are in no position to pay the fortune that Anorexia treatment typically costs. This is just tearing my wife and I up - our heart has already been repeatedly broken by watching her go through this the first time, then try to cope with the disease in the interim - but something is different the last few weeks and she is fading away once more - and tonight it was clear that she is just scared shitless.

This disease is incredibly difficult to understand and comprehend. My wife and I have read pretty much everything we could get our hands on. Our respective families haven't a clue - really, no one can unless they go through it with a loved one or have it themselves. And my wife and I do not in a moment think we understand what our daughter must be experiencing.

So I guess the main question is whether anyone knows of any treatment options for the uninsured - the only other options would be to have her committed, which would put her in a state hospitalization situation (probably not much more than force feeding with a minimum of psychological counseling). what a mess....thanks for listening. Any words of wisdom from you are welcomed.

[elleng]

1. Thinking and praying for you, NRal.

Taking the liberty to cross post. Hope you don't mind.

((( )))

[redqueen]

2. The state facilities here helped someone very close to me.

It was only therapy, but it seemed to help. I think they charged a sliding scale fee based on income / ability to pay.

Of course, this was ages ago. I'm not sure it's still the same even here, but it might be worth checking into where you live.

Good luck.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. Check NC State...

Sometimes colleges have low cost or even free treatment for uninsured low-income people. Talk with your doctor to find out about local low-cost treatment options.

I hope you can find help soon! :hug::hug::hug:

[CAcyclist]

4. The state hospital helped my brother. Don't rule it out. nt

[PA Democrat]

5. Have you tried contacting any local support groups for eating disorders

or contacted the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders?

I wish I could give you some better advice, but you and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[TBF]

6. Even with insurance it's one of the hardest illnesses to treat -

I worked as a psych tech in a private hospital years ago & we had a couple of anorexia cases come through. This was about 20 years ago and I remember them vividly, including their names, because it is such a hard thing.

I don't really have anything substantive to offer other than wondering if Medicaid is an option for your daughter? Would she qualify due to being low income? The other would be to check online for forums specific to anorexia (I know there are some)and perhaps post the same message and see if anyone has ideas. You've probably already called the easting disorders clinic at Duke to see if they have any resources. The social workers at the hospital I worked at knew about many programs, including non-profits, because all private hospitals were required to take a certain number of free patients (this was in Virginia). Obviously most patients without insurance would eventually wind up in the state system, but sometimes they had other options.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping you daughter can make her way through this. It's so difficult.

[applegrove]

7. So sorry. I would have her committed to get some food inside that body as fast as possible.

Vibes to your family.

[ThomCat]

8. Someone I know here in NY

goes to NC for treatment when his eating disorder gets out of hand. Apparently treatment can be found there that is affordable. It can't be found here in NYC.

I hope you can find help. :hug:

[Lorien]

9. I was anorexic in my late teens. I know how difficult it is to treat

I hated being hospitalized but that may be the only way to go. My hospital experience was so awful that I would do anything to keep myself from going back-so I forced myself to eat even though I didn't believe that I "deserved" food. It may work for her, too....I wish I had more to offer.

:hug:

[mopinko]

10. hope everything is ok. no replies to this thread.

not surprised that op has other things to do that thread sit on du. but wish he would pop in.

my only advise is to come post in the mental health forum. don't think that we have much to offer besides :hugs: and some been there done that's.
some authentic been there, tho. my daughter was cutting when we had her hospitalized. the day i walked away from the locked door was one of the lowest of my life.
don't know much about anorexia, really. have a friend that has done that, and she is still struggling at 50. still alive to be struggling, tho.

please check in and let us know how it is going.

[OhioChick]

11. I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's situation

As well as the fear and sadness you and your wife feel. One of my kid's is chronically ill, so I can relate.

I have a friend that's anorexic and she was considered low-income. She had no health insurance and was hospitalized in the past at local area hospitals that only kept her for a brief time and wanted to put a feeding tube in her. She then did some research and found a hospital in New Jersey that specialized in the treatment of anorexia. She contacted them and they arranged for her to travel from several states away and treated her there for a few months. They picked up the entire tab due to her financial situation. After suffering from anorexia most of her life, she's now so much better and considers herself to be "free."

Try doing a search on this hospital and contact them. If you can't find the name of it, let me know and I'll get a hold of my friend and ask her.

Hang in there.

[elleng]

12. NJ Hospitals Treat Anorexia:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=anorexia+nj+hospital&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=

[w8liftinglady]

13. this website may help

http://www.something-fishy.org/

[murielm99]

14. When my son was small, he had surgery at UW-Madison

hospital in Wisconsin. The anorexia wing was right next to peds. They shared a common lounge.

There were some very sad cases there. I spoke often to one of the women there. She had no insurance. She had a sponsor. Her sponsor was someone who had overcome anorexia and had the money to help others.

This program always has a waiting list. It is considered very good.

One of my brother's friends went through that program. My brother and I understood why he was anorexic. He was surrounded by a controlling family who would not leave him alone, even as an adult. He was a professor in a pharmacology program and highly respected. But his parents thought he was a failure because he was not an MD.

My brother's friend weighed 56 pounds when he checked into the program. His wife had left him, because she felt if she stayed, she was supporting his decision to starve himself to death.

Eventually, he went to California. He still teaches, and has built a new life. He struggles, but feels that he has his illness in check.

Check out the Wisconsin program. See if there are any sponsors who might help.

[Warpy]

15. Committment and tube feeding will save her life

but as you know, it's only a temporary measure. However, building her up before you can find a therapist who specializes in treating anorexia might be the best way to go.

If she's that frightened, she might be ready to commit herself and that would be the best. Anorexics are desperate to assert control, that is one of the things at the heart of the disease.

Unfortunately, a dithering Congress will likely not help any of us in the near future as far as health insurance goes. However, there is help for mental health in many areas.

Good luck to all of you. Anorexia is a tough one even with all the money in the world.

[Joe Chi Minh]

16. I don't have any expert knowledge of the disorder, but believe it is

a psychospiritual one, akin to addictions. This link to an article in an edition of The Huffington Post within w8liftinglady's link addresses that dimension in what seems a helpful general way:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-lelwica/the-spiritual-dimensions_b_508096.html

Believe it or not, a TV programme on anorexia and over-eating has just come on.

I believe the disorder afflicts mainly young people and that seems to me to contain the key to the issue, since young people, adolescents, in particular, are much given to self-absorption and, indeed, self-pity. If they tend towards a serious disposition and attitude to life, they may have given up on religion, but not on seeking the truth; which is actually at least as important, and a mark of intellectual integrity. They are finding their way, and it will give depth to any spiritual belief they may arrive at. In a way, it's the search that's important. This is not to say that devout youngsters from their childhood lack integrity. They simply fall into a particular and very fortunate category, provided that the way they were taught was sound.

Religions provides an external framework for our lives; it means we are not the final arbiters of what we do and don't do - we have duties outside ourselves and our own preferences, which we don't get to dictate. We are, in a sense, servants of an order, of a way of living our lives, prescribed by something higher than ourselves - which actually knows what is best for us.

My wife has switched over the channel, so I've started recording the programme I mentioned. I hope you all come out of this, happier and stronger, whatever you discover to be helpful.

[HereSince1628]

17. Treatment is likely available on a sliding scale...

Your county or city mental health association can help you locate a provider.

Anorexia and Depression also often have local family support groups. Those groups would be able to provide a network to information about treatment opportunities in your area.

Good Luck.

[Altoid_Cyclist]

18. I don't really have an answer for you, but I thought that I'd share one success story.

My niece went through the same thing after a particularly traumatic event. I was worried that she wouldn't recover in time.

Flash forward to the present. She's now recovered and a therapist helping people who are going through similar problems.

Sending out best wishes for you, your daughter and your family. I wish that I could actually do something to help you and yours, but this is the best that I can do.

:grouphug:

[w8liftinglady]

19. this website has some excellent resources-maybe some will help you.

http://www.something-fishy.org/

[ohheckyeah]

20. I went through a period of anorexia myself.

I lost down to 85 pounds. I have some things I could share if you want to private message me.