Parent with Alzheimers -in-home care vs nursing facility

[tigereye]

Any insights?

My mother is in Stage 6 of Alzheimer's and my father- 85- is just unable to care for her at this point. She is incontinent and is starting to get confused to the point of putting on her coat and thinking it's time to go somewhere, so I suspect wandering isn't far off. We kids just aren't able to be there all the time, so I was looking into home-care as well as facilities for people with dementia. My gut says facility- since that way she could have round the clock care, support,etc. which is geared to folks with dementias. But it's very hard to think of her leaving the home where she has lived for 55 years, and having my father in the house without her. He's not sure he could afford for both of them to live elsewhere at this point, although they both have Long-term care insurance. He has said that he thinks she needs to go into a facility, though.


thanks for any thoughts.

[libodem]

1. Bless your heart

I have a similar situation. I'm sitting in a hospital room right now with my poor demented mama. I think we are headed for hospice care.

Long term care in a nice dementia unit is good way to go.

.

[tigereye]

5. best to you and your mom. Wish they didn't have to go

through this. Seems very unfair.

What scares me is that stage 7 of Alzheimers can last a very, very long time.

[murielm99]

2. My father has dementia and is incontinent.

My mother is caring for him at home, with a home health aide twice a week. She refuses to consider any other type of care. I think they should both go to an extended care facility. The professionals there can decide when he needs more care, such as being in a nursing home full time. Eighteen years ago, they moved. My brother and I live four hours away from them. My daughter is about two hours away, but I refuse to saddle her with this responsibility.

There is very little I can do. My mother trusts my brother more than she trusts me, but she won't listen to him right now, either. People have to make their own decisions. Unless something goes terribly wrong and we have to go to court to get power of attorney, we have no control over this situation. All we can do is watch, and be there to pick up the pieces.

I hope to have more sense as I age.

[tigereye]

6. well, at least there are more options than there were 20-30

years ago when my grandmother had to go to a facility. (she kept trying to leave, with her walker down the path out of the place!) ;) I can really see why folks would rather stay at home, at least they can get some help. My dad has insisted we get a POA since he is worried about what will happen to my mom, if he has another TIA. It's good that he thought about these things beforehand.


My dad doesn't really want the in-home care, I think he would rather she go to a facility. What is kind of cool is that there is assisted living for dementia/ Alzheimer's patients, where they can live out their days, and it's actually rather pleasant. I was suprised at how pleasant some of the places were- of course they are private pay and one needs LTC insurance. Fortunately my dad has this for them, but even that can run out. The nursing home of old seems more like a place for the most debilitated and ill folks. Good to have some choices.

[murielm99]

3. I should add to what I said.

My mother goes to a caretakers' support group twice a month. This might help your dad, if he is going to continue to be the caretaker. See if you can find one, or start your own, if necessary. The one in my area was started by a retired friend of mine when she had to take care of her husband. She knew that she would break down if she did not get some help.

Look into alternatives to their current living situation, even if your dad is not ready for a change. Be prepared for when he is.

See what it would take to get a power of attorney or a medical power of attorney, even if you do not follow through on it. Years ago, my uncle had to get a power of attorney for an elderly great aunt. She continued to live at home, but he was able to provide various types of support. When he first investigated the situation, she was living without running water and her house was falling apart. She was not eating adequately. He was able to pay her bills, see to home repairs and make sure she had adequate nutrition.

Good luck and God bless you.

[tigereye]

7. we already have the medical POA and are getting the other

one soon. We are lucky since there are 4 of us not too far away and we all try to help out when we can.


thanks! :hi:

[Warpy]

4. Listen to your dad. If they have the long term care insurance

then they need to use it. Dealing with an Alzheimer's patient is hard enough on healthy people in their 40s. It would be way beyond your dad's capabilities at this point. He's got a little time to try to find a bed at a facility that would be easy for him to visit. If he's still alert and able to care for himself to the extent of shopping for and eating microwave dinners, he doesn't need to join her there, only visit.

This is a heartbreaking decision because your mom will likely get worse outside her home and familiar things. However, this is going to happen over time, anyway. No one recovers from this one.

Home care can do only so much. Dealing with an Alzheimer's patient is called living a 40 hour day since they can be active, wandering, and doing potentially dangerous things around the house day and night. At least in a long term care facility, her access to harmful stuff will be restricted and her wandering largely limited to hallways.

[tigereye]

8. yeah, I would love for her to stay at home, but they would

likely eventually need someone full time- and the dementia asst. living place has wonderful Memory care and is designed for folks with dementia. It was very pleasant and it would probably help her a lot.

The one asst. living place i saw was locked, but with lots of stimulation, structure and still some opportunities for independence from those who are capable of it.



Thanks for your insights! :hi: