My teenage son died in a car wreck Saturday . . .

[DollyM]

My heart is shattered in a million pieces. He was our only child and a miracle baby at that. At this point I just don't want to go on without him. His life was just beginning and he had overcame so much to get to this point. My husband has testicular cancer at 32 and we were told we would not be able to have children, then two years later, I got preganant with our son. When he was born he was blue and not breathing and had a 10 minute apgar of 1 which pretty much means a baby that is not going to live but he fought back and lived. Now, at age 19, full of life and potential, he took a sharp curve off a country road and missed it and hit a tree. Two feet to the left and he would have ran into a field. He had his seat belt on which they say was probaby actually what killed him. It pressed into him, severing his aortic valve, killing him instantly. He didn't have a scratch on him otherwise. It was early in the morning and they think he might have fell asleep. I have protected and loved him for 19 years and am racked with guilt that I couldn't protect him from this. He was a safe driver, had never even had a ticket. Was a wonderful kid, was loved by everything. Our community has been great, nearly half of the people in are small community showed up for his visitation and funeral. We have been overwhelmed with the calls, emails, visits, food, flowers and even the neighbor that mowed and weed eated our lawn and then took down our sons bed as I couldn't bear to look at it.
I don't know what else to say, I just feel totally lost without him. I struggle with feelings that I just want to go and join him, so my mom took away part of the box of the sleeping pills she had laid out for me. I don't think I would do that but I go up and down, some minutes are better than others. I am staying with my mom who lives next door as I cannot even bear to be in our house. Every thing there reminds me of him, nights are worse as I miss his sounds, up making pizza rolls in the microwave, his silly laugh, the sound of his footsteps.

[yy4me]

1. My thoughts are with you, I cannot imagine how you can cope.

Many of us have had horrible, unexpected deaths to cope with but to lose someone so young and vital has to be crushing. I know exactly what you mean when you talk about coping with the void.

There is no advice that will help you get beyond this terrible time. You have heard it all these past few days, I'm sure. Please know we all suffer for you and hope the passage of time will make it easier to remember the good times and how much he added to the lives of all who knew him.

[auntAgonist]

2. Dolly, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm totally at a loss for words here as nothing I could say could make you feel any better. Know that people care. Allow people to care for you and do for you. Take time for yourself and cherish those wonderful memories.

:hug: :cry: :hug:

kesha.

[CC]

3. I am so sorry to hear about your son.

There is really nothing that can tell you how to make it through just that you will make it through. Sounds stupid but a book helped me called "No Time for Goodbyes." I read it within the first week after my son was killed and it let me know I wasn't really crazy even though I felt like I was. (Someone(?) sent it and other books.) That summer was one of pain and escape and I hardly remember much of it beyond the pain but somehow survived it. Sending lots of :hug:s your way. You do survive and the pain does get manageable.

[livetohike]

4. I'm so very sorry for your loss Dolly

:hug: Please take care of yourself. I hope you will allow the good memories you have of your son's life to take over the thoughts and pain you are feeling now and give you comfort and peace.

[emilyg]

5. Heart aches for you. So sorry.

[RevCheesehead]

6. Oh no, Dolly!

I am so deeply saddened to hear about this. How my heart aches for you!
Please know you and your husband are in my prayers. May God's peace ease your suffering. :hug::hug::hug:

[Odin2005]

7. Oh god, I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[auntAgonist]

8. Dolly, I'm just wondering how you are doing.

Please, if you are up to it, check in here.

:hug:
:grouphug:

aA
kesha

[DollyM]

9. Thanks for caring . . .

I have good minutes and bad ones. I didn't think it was possible to cry so many days but my swollen eyes bear testiment to that. I just can't make sense of this and probably never will. I sat down tonight and made a list of all the people that should have died instead of my son, people who abuse their children, abandon their children, murder their children and a few family members that have really ticked me off through this! Then I went and made my son's favorite pasta and realized there was too much of it to eat. Normally he would have been there and scarfed it down. Now it just sat there and looked back at me in the pan. So I called to him and told him it was ready. I know it is weird but it made me feel better, almost happy. I had this brief flash of what I felt from three weeks ago and realized how much I loved this kid. Making him noodles made me incredibly happy. This is the good stuff in life.

[auntAgonist]

10. I cannot imagine your pain I'm glad that for a brief

moment, no matter how short, you felt better and almost happy. You see, he lives in your heart and memories. It's the simple things isn't it, that really matter.

There's just no understanding why some of the most loved people are taken from us and some of the worlds most evil are left to reign.

I hope your days get better and the love you have for your son warms your heart in many ways.

I think of you often and wish I was able to physically hug you.

please check in whenever you feel up to it or PM any of us ...

:hug:
You're in my thoughts Dolly.


kesha

[flamingyouth]

11. I am so sorry to hear this.

I can't imagine what you're going through. Please know that you, your family and your beloved son's friends are all in my prayers. :hug:

[Left coast liberal]

12. So tragic. I am so sorry for your loss.

Mourn now and I hope you find peace.

:hugs: