This Saturday will be my parents' 50th anniversary.

[RevCheesehead]

My mom is gone, and my dad has alzheimer's. I'm pretty sure my brother will be indifferent. I might be the only one who remembers this day.

Even so, I'm thinking of getting dad a white poinsettia plant. He always got one for mom this time of year.
Maybe that gesture will connect with him. I hope it will.

Dad still understands things, he just can't remember things. Yet, every day, he slips slowly away, like a little bit of him leaves and may never come back. Obviously, this is very hard to live through, but it still seems important to remember the anniversary.

Any thoughts or comments you might have would be greatly welcomed. Thanks.

[auntAgonist]

1. That is such a thoughtful heartwarming gift for your Dad.

I do believe he will recognize the flower and know it was given in love.

My Mother in law is in what they call 'the final stages' of Alzheimer's but every once in a while I see a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. One day a couple of months ago she greeted my husband by name and smiled at him, then like that *, she was gone again.

Do give the poinsettia and speak to him about his wedding day and your dear Mother ...

If not for his sake but for yours. You need to celebrate and remember too. :hug:

:hug: :loveya: :hug:

Merry Christmas

kesha

[RevCheesehead]

3. Thank you, Kesha.

And thanks for reminding me that I need to celebrate it, too. You're absolutely right.

:hug::hug::hug:

[livetohike]

2. I think it's a great idea

and I'll bet your Dad will have a smile on his face when he sees it. Here's a :hug: for you and your Dad and a hope that you have a good day together.

[RevCheesehead]

4. That would be wonderful to see him smile in response!

Thanks, livetohike. I'll be sure to let you all know what happens Saturday. :hug:

[havocmom]

5. The flowering plant tradition is a grand idea!

Even if he doesn't remember right away, or fails to make the connection while you visit, don't let it get you down. He may dream, and somewhere in his dreams, the connection might light up.

There is so much more than what we see, Rev. You know that better than I. Give him that plant he always gave your mom. Bet her soul smiles at the gesture too.

Ah, Christmas and parents. Such a difficult time for us orphans. The ghosts of Christmases Past need to be tamed and befriended. But it is a bittersweet task and takes so much will.

You can get through it. I wish that it brings you some bit of grace. For grace is the light in our dark times.

Tell BOTH your parents Happy Anniversary for me. I truly believe both of their souls will get the message, no matter how unlikely it may look to the casual observer ;)

I am glad they met, married, and gave you to us.

[RevCheesehead]

6. Oh, havocmom!

What a beautiful message! I'm welling up with tears of gratitude.

Yeah, Mom's been with me all week, but especially tonight. She wants to thank you for your beautiful words, and how much they touched both her "and my little Ruthie."

God bless you.

:hug::hug::hug:

[auntAgonist]

7. Thinking of you and your Dad and Mom today Ruth.

:hug: :loveya: :hug:

kesha

[RevCheesehead]

9. Thank you, Kesha.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

8. Update

Today when I got there, two friends of my parents were there visiting with my dad. I was so glad to see them, and I knew it meant a lot to Dad, too. But dad was not having a good day - in fact, he's had a pretty tough week. He is very frail, and spends most of his time sleeping. So we visited for a while, until it was time for lunch, and they went home.
Dad was falling asleep at the table, and I fed him what little food he would eat. As he went back to the room, I asked him if he knew what day it was today. "Is it your birthday?" "no, even better... 50 years ago today you married Ellie." He smiled, and loved the poinsettia. The store only had a white variegated plant (white w/red petals), and he thought it was very special. I also bought him some poppyseed cake w/lemon filling. He didn't want to eat any, but he did manage to put his finger through the icing. :)

I don't know if this decline is temporary, or if we're nearing the end. But I am very glad that I was there today, even though I spent most of the time in tears. Once I got to the car, I cried all the way home.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day. But for today, I hope that when he sleeps he isn't feeling the pain in his back, and that he enters a world where his mind, heart, and soul unite. I believe in that world, Mom is there with him.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. I love you forever.

[livetohike]

10. He smiled Rev!

:-) You brought joy to your Dad today and here is a big :hug: for you, your memories and the love that will never die.

[RevCheesehead]

11. He did, indeed!

And you said he would. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

12. I'm so glad he smiled. You gave him back a memory

and he felt the love again.

:hug:

kesha

[RevCheesehead]

13. Every smile is a gift.

I am so lucky to have him as my Dad.

:hug:

[havocmom]

14. Hope things are goin OK, Rev

:loveya: