The second Christmas without my husband.

[Paper Roses]

I miss him so much. I am told it gets better after time but I don't think so. My lifelong friend, my husband is gone. I wish I could be with him.

Peace to you all.

May next year bring good health and good news.

On Edit: I find this song helps me at times like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeNFmwpywaA

[auntAgonist]

1. I'm so sorry that you're missing someone so special to you

I sincerely hope that the good times you shared over the years are cemented in your heart and memories. May those memories warm you this night and all nights, may the love you shared comfort you when you feel alone.

sincerely and with love.

kesha

[Vinca]

2. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you'd lost your husband.

It must be very difficult . . . sending hugs.

[RevCheesehead]

3. I don't think it's possible to "get over" losing someone.

Similarly, it doesn't make sense that the holdays "get better" over time. What gets better is your ability to find comfort in memories, and gratitude for a life shared (albeit too short).

Bless you during this time, and may peace be yours. :hug:

[havocmom]

4. Agree with the Rev. We don't get over, we learn to cope better

No consolation, but experience has shown me it is usually the second year after a loss that is the hardest. The shock has worn off, yet we have not had time to gain coping skills to deal with the huge hole left in our lives.

No consolation, but year three seems to be when we start to learn to cope better and start to be able to savor memories without completely falling apart.

Sending strength your way, Paper Roses. And holding up a light in the tunnel for you to see there is a future that, while sad, is not always complete pain.

:hug:

[Paper Roses]

5. Third year. There is no Christmas spirit in me.

Gifts for my grandchildren, Secret Santa for the few adults. No Fun at all.

I put the little tree at the cemetery today. Lots of Christmas decorations at the headstones. Some comfort I guess, we all care about those who are gone.

[onecent]

6. This will be my 4th Christmas holiday without

my husband. He passed away in his sleep July 28, 2007. I cannot say it gets any better. This year is particularly worse, and I don't know the reason why.

His birthday was yesterday, December 4th - he would have been 73. I was with him for 22 years and time is simply standing still.

I've been going through alot of things like "I feel so unnecessary", or "what am I here for"...and I'll keep searching for the answers...but it's very very lonely
and even though i'm 65 years of age, I cannot think of many places that I "fit". i feel like a fifth wheel. My three children live far far away, although I keep
in touch with them and their families daily. His family is close by, (but most of them go to teabagger meetings).....and they are here for me but things just seem so pointless at times.

I did read a saying not long ago..that really hit me in a strange way. It really got me to thinking about grief and it totally sums up something that people
don't understand about grief...I know i didn't until I read it.

And that saying goes.....

"What they never tell you about grief is, that missing someone is the simple part."

Wow..that sentence hit me as PROFOUND!

From reading this saying I realized and realize daily that I am working on the difficult part.

I am not putting up a tree this year, as none of my kids are traveling here, as they did last year. it just seems like TOO MUCH EFFORT..in fact, it doesn't seem like
it..IT IS.....too much effort.

I believe all we can do is just take a day at a time. Take care...my thoughts are with you. Paper Roses is a very cool logon, by the way. Reminds me of the song.

[ceveritt]

7. I wish I could be with her

Hello, PR.

It ain't worth much, but I am so sorry the holiday season is being hard for you.

I certainly understand. You've heard my story. Fall and winter are especially unpleasant for me because that's when my wife, my best friend, my lover, my partner and I became a couple. I miss her desperately. I want to be with her. For months now, I've wept like a beaten child every night. Can't stop.

You have my sympathy, I can assure you. Unfortunately, that doesn't count for much in making you feel better. I wish I had more to offer. I truly do.

Apparently, for some people, grief does indeed diminish with time. I have not had that experience either. I wonder what it would be like. I wonder if I would feel better, or if I would feel guilty.

Once, when I was in hospital and things weren't looking particularly great, Kathryn told me, "If you die, I'll kill myself and come after you, goddammit!" I wish I'd gone after her when she died. But I am a coward.

I have to go sob now. I wish you all the best, for the speedy passage of the holidays, and for less pain + grief for you, PR.

CE