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My baby would have turned 20 this year. I remember the day before he died, my husband and I had went grocery shopping and I passed the section that had candles and birthday supplies. I picked up a 2 and a 0 candle and remarked to my husband that our son would no longer be a teenager in a few short months and how impossible that seemed. Within 24 hours, he was dead.
The closer the date gets the more I feel like something is out of kelter in my life, I realized it was because I always tried to make his birthday special, even though we had very limited funds. By early January I would have been looking for a special gift or planning a party or something special for him. Now I just feel like there is a giant hole in my life, and really, there is. I miss him so much. Then I started thinking about what I could do to get through his special day. I considered calling his friends and taking them out but then I thought about my kids kind heart and what he would enjoy me doing. So, I called up our local Humane society and asked if I could volunteer to staff the cat room that day, (our son loved cats!) and they said yes, they would be happy for me to do so. It will keep me busy and I feel like I am doing something to honor his memory and not sit around and feel sorry for myself. I discovered something the other day too, his birthday is the same as FDR. I never knew that. Another great man born on the 30th. Our son may not have changed the course of our countries history but he did make a difference in our small corner of the world with his kindness and generosity. So I would like to think that him and FDR are celebrating their birhdays together up in heaven.
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