He was "just" a dog

[housewolf]

No, he wasn't... he was much more than that. Nakita. He was part of me. Not just part of my life... he was best friend, my kid. He was part of me.

I lost him 9 months ago. I now have 2 other dogs. I still miss him like crazy. I feel sick with grief. I am sad to the very depths of my being. There's a child in me that keeps saying "I just want my Nakita back!" I'd do anything to have him back. There is no living person who has died in my life who I've cried over and missed as much as I miss Nakita.

He was a tiny puppy when I went with my roomate to a mechanic to have her truck looked at. While I was waiting, their dog came out with her litter of 6 or 8 puppies, all playing and rolling in the grass. Suffice it to say, we went home with a little mostly-white fluffy puppy that I could hold in one hand. I had no idea that tiny puppy would grow into the 120-lb gorgeous, friendly, loveable dog that he became. He moved with me from Colorado to California, to Arizona, to Oregon. He stayed with me for almost 16 years, outliving the life-expectancy for his size dog by about 5 years until old age finally took it's toll. He was a beautiful and special dog.

Just yesterday I changed my long-term avatar to Nakita's picture. I had not idea it would trigger this incredible wave of grief.

I just thought maybe the folks here could understand.

[auntAgonist]

1. I understand! We lost our Rottie

to bone cancer 4 years ago. He was six and our only 'child' I still miss him so very much. We have another furkid now and we love him to pieces. He's not Tarn, never will be but he is adorable and he's ours. :)

I understand your grief and sorrow. I'm sorry for your pain. I do read joy in your post though and I hope those joyous memories last you a lifetime.

:hug:
aA
kesha

[RevCheesehead]

2. I'm so sorry for your loss, housewolf.

Anyone who says "just" never experienced the love and devotion of a fur-baby.
He looks like he was full of joy and happiness! I am so glad that he had the chance to live in your home, and to be a part of your family. He was, indeed a lucky dog.

My deepest sympathy on losing such a good friend. :hug:

[orleans]

3. i lost my dear, furry friend a little over 8 months ago

and i still cry for her and miss her so. she was a beautiful mix of corgi and border collie.

and as far as "just" a dog goes...
well, my daughter had two pet mice
and it was amazing the amount of grief the two of us had when these little mice died. we cried for days over "just" a mouse. i never would have imagined i could feel so much sadness over "just a mouse" but i did. and i purposely never held them or petted them so i wouldn't get emotionally attached or emotionally involved. ha! i didn't have to. i made the "mistake" (and it wasn't really a mistake) of watching them, talking to them, enjoying them, and caring about them. i was as heartbroken as if i had held them and petted them all along. i had become emotionally invested in them. and that was all it took.

love is an amazing thing, and it's really fantastic to know how much love we are capable of.

[livetohike]

4. Big hug for you housewolf.....I don't think the grieving ever

stops. I still tear up for my Smokey (died in 1987). The important thing is that Nakita is in your heart and will always be there. You will see him in your dreams. I feel for your deep grief. Been there too :hug:.

[Paper Roses]

5. Time does not heal our losses. I am convinced of that.

I have a far greater loss with my husbands death 2 years ago but when we lost our kitty a few years before that, we both grieved. She was an abused kitty who came to our doorstep, teeth kicked out, scrawny and in great need of medical attention. She was so small we thought she was just a big kitten. The Vet said she was at least 5 and had been abused and starved most of her life.

We gave her the medical attention she needed and loved her for 14 years until kidney failure took her from us. All her life, she was under medication for asthma and other afflictions. When she died,it was the saddest day we had ever been through. We had her cremated and her ashes sat in a box in the closet for years. When my husband died, I had them add her ashes to his.

That action may have been unorthodox but my husband would have approved. You will come to accept your loss but will always miss your special companion.

We all understand.

[ceveritt]

6. You are correct

In point of fact, there is no such thing as just a dog, or just a cat, or just ...

I am truly sorry for your loss, marra. That's got to sound pretty hollow, and I'm sorry for that.

It is said love goes on forever. I can't testify to that one way or the other. Grief, however, does seem to. At least around here.


PR:

Please pardon my directness, but bollocks, and lots of them, to orthodoxy, and others' opinions of what that might or might not be. You did the right thing—both by taking care of that pitifully abused cat, and by adding her ashes to your husband's. No question about it. If a single soul has the unbelievable temerity to criticize you for it, then they are truly heartless.

I wish you both, housewolf and pr, the best, and an early release from your grief and pain.

[kurtzapril4]

11. When my mom died

a couple of years ago, we had her cat, Shawna's, ashes to hers. I don't think there is a thing wrong with it. When I kick the bucket, you better believe some cat ashes are going in with mine.

[DollyM]

7. I will share something here that I rarely share . . .

I like being somewhat anononymous here but I have to share something with you that is to long to print here. We lost our beloved cat on May 29th last year. She was 16, almost seventeen years old and was growing feeble and sickly. She was a beautiful animal and I couldn't bring myself to have her put down. Her love and devotion to our son was incredible. We used to call her "the other mother" in this household. A few hours later, on the 29th of May, our 19 year old son was killed in a car accident. I will always believe that she knew he would need her to be with him so she chose that time to pass into the next world and across the rainbow bridge. This is my website:www.tinastots-dolls.com If you click on the link that says Kevan's page and Yummy's page, their stories are there. Someday I will put these in book form, when I can bring myself to do it. I know that an animals devotion can be utterly lifesaving and visa versa. I believe your Nakita is still with you in spirit and is still devoted to you. He is waiting for you and someday you will be together again and cross the rainbow bridge together. But for now, he is safe and happy, without pain or sickness. That gives me a great deal of comfort when I think about my son and his cat.

[Paper Roses]

8. Your story here and on your website has left me without words .

It is about amazing love and loss. I am glad you shared this with us. I will think of this for a long time, I right now, just don't know to to express my sorrow for you and your family.

[pinboy3niner]

9. Thankyou for sharing Kevan's story

I'm so sorry you lost him. The pain and sorrow will always be there, but I hope they'll be tempered by the beautiful memories you have.

Recently, I experienced a painful loss when my little brother died suddenly. At first, I didn't even tell anyone. Finally, after some hemming and hawing, I opened up in GD and shared my loss and the difficulty I was having with it. And opening up that way was probably one of the smartest things I have ever done. The outpouring of support I received here is the only thing that got me through it. If I'd continued to keep everything bottled up inside, I know I would have bolted from my brother's memorial service at the very beginning--and I would have missed what turned out to be a wonderful celebration of his life.

After posting on DU, I opened up to my friends by sending them the link to my post. One thought that makes me smile is the knowledge that my conservative friends were forced to recognize a very different side of the infamous, notorious, America- and military-hating DU when they saw the overwhelming, caring support I received. The replies I got show how beneficial opening up and sharing at such a difficult time can be:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9263729

Thanks again for sharing you loss here and letting us know about your wonderful son. You are entitled to be proud of him--he sounds like a really special person.

:hug:

[njlib]

10. Thank you for posting

You're definitely not alone! I lost my Buster to liver cancer on 7/31/10. He was 12 and I'd had him since he was 8 weeks old. He was abandoned in a vacant apartment...the tenant moved out on Thursday and on Saturday he was found by the girl who was supposed to clean the apartment. He had been left tied to the radiator, no food, no water...he was the cutest thing I'd ever seen and to this day, I still can't believe someone could've just walked away and left him all alone!!

It's been over 5 months and I cry for him every single day. I knew it would be hard because he really was my baby, but it's so much harder than I ever imagined. EVERYTHING reminds me of him and everything is just so empty and meaningless without him. Now that it's winter, he's not here to get under the covers with me...he LOVED to snuggle under the covers in the winter. He was just such a huge part of my life and now, even though I still have one dog and 5 cats, it's just so incredibly lonely.

I had gone to an adoption event a few months ago. They approved my application, I printed it out and had it with me, but had to leave after about 30 minutes because I just couldn't stop crying. I was so embarrassed and felt so stupid, but seeing all those dogs who need homes was just too overwhelming. I'm looking on Petfinder all the time, but it always ends up the same way...I'm crying too hard to even see what's on the monitor. Everyone keeps telling me that when I find the right one, I'll "know", but it really doesn't feel like I'll ever find the "right" one.

[salinen]

12. I just lost my Wendy

I may die of grief. She was everything to me. I'm so sorry about Nakita. I understand. I've never loved like that.