the other side

[orleans]

found this on itunes last week doing a word search--i must have played it fifty/100 times since then. it's giving me some comfort--even has me smiling when i hear it the last couple days. just wanted to share it--maybe it will bring a smile to someone else here.

song by the scissor sisters:

"the other side

What will one day become of us
We'll grow as grass under their feet
No one here will ever know your name
And you still lie here next to me

If it takes another life
I'll wait for you
On the other side
Everything that comes to me
As good
Belongs to you
I'll count our blessings as I
Wait for you
On the other side
Good luck and I will see you through

Get used to this
You're going to be alright
The world goes on with or without me
If I don't ever leave a thing behind
I'll still leave you without me

If it takes another life
I'll wait for you
On the other side
Everything that comes to me
As good
Belongs to you
I'll count our blessings as I
Wait for you
On the other side
Good luck and I will see you through

If it takes another life
I'll wait for you
On the other side
Everything that comes to me
As good
Belongs to you
I'll count our blessings as I
Wait for you
On the other side
Good luck and I will see you through

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofjzeM1fnNw

[Paper Roses]

1. Thank you for sharing. Things like this are a help. n/t

[RevCheesehead]

2. thank you for posting this.

I've been a puddle of tears today, feeling the pain of the first big holiday without my dad (and mom).
thanksgiving is so family-focused, and it's hard when you miss those who have always been there.
I'm fortunate that I now have my husband (we were married October 30), and we are re-defining "family."

Ruth

[orleans]

3. a friend kept reminding me--during my frequent mental meltdowns

that it was a year of "firsts"

well--"firsts" suck so bad for me i can't even put it in words (and i'm sure the "firsts" suck just as bad for everyone else too)

a few days after my mom passed halloween happened and i--for the first time in my life--was alone in my house, answering the door and trying to do my mom's job of counting the trick-or-treaters. normally i love halloween and it was so sad and lonely. (this year was bad too but not as painful)

my first birthday without my mom came a week after she passed over. i was heartbroken--i had never had a birthday without her presence (except when i was out of the country twenty five years ago and we spoke on the phone). (at least my daughter was home with me then. this past birthday i was completely alone. my daughter called but that was all. i've decided not to have birthdays for myself anymore.)

thanksgiving happened just under a month after she passed. my daughter and i sat at our table, going through the motions, crying, and looking at her empty chair. it was just the two of us. and it was horribly difficult to get through.

my mother's birthday came a couple weeks after that. my daughter and i "celebrated" by having a special dinner that i would normally make for my mom's birthday. i cried through it all.

four days later we had to put our dog to sleep.
a week later--christmas.

those firsts suck so bad that they take your breath away. so far, for me, the "seconds" are pretty bad too but this time i kinda know what to expect. and i'm really making an effort not to indulge myself in the mental torture number i allowed myself to do for so long.

one of the real shockers for me was when my daughter came home for her birthday and i lit the candles on the cake and started singing happy birthday to her. a lone voice--only mine--i'd never heard it like that before. even our dog would "sing" along (howl) and now that voice was silenced as well. i didn't make it through the song--my daughter (who cried with me then) said she thought of that before i lit the candles but it didn't dawn on me until it happened how empty it sounded.

we're never truly prepared for this life readjustment--even if we think we are--and i didn't even bother to delude myself into thinking i was prepared at all. i knew i wasn't. my mom was "getting up there" but i certainly didn't want to think about losing her because i prefer the rose-colored glass/head in the sand approach to death.

i think it's wonderful you have someone (congrats newlyweds). redefining family can be bittersweet and i'm glad you have someone to add the sweetness.

and through these holidays and all the days, when emotions run high and begin to overwhelm i think of my mom's advice: just go slow--it will be alright.

(sorry for venting here so much--)

take it easy ruth.
:hug: