My husband's aunt passed away this morning.

[Pool Hall Ace]

And I'm not sure what to do!

We've only been married since November. I met his aunt during Thanksgiving weekend. She was very rude to us (which I now understand was due to her illness). She was very secretive and did not want anyone to know what was wrong with her, but I understand she suffered from liver failure.

Her funeral is on Tuesday. I don't really want to go to the funeral (mainly because I think it's rude to attend strangers' funerals), but my husband is pretty much insisting. I rearranged my schedule so we can pick up his parents and travel to Ohio on Sunday.

The problem is I don't really know what I am supposed to do with his family. Whenever someone I know has a death in their family, I always prepare food, do laundry, or offer to help out in whatever way I can. When I am grieving, I always get angry when someone says to me, "She's with God now." Consequently, I don't believe in saying anything like that.

But I don't know these people. I'm highly introverted, and I'm really uncomfortable when placed in situations where I am a fifth wheel.

Can anyone relate? What can I do for my husband's cousins (other than say, "I'm sorry") ? I know how hard it is to lose a mother; mine passed away four years ago. I'm still not over it, and don't know if I ever will be. I don't want them to feel worse because of anything I say.

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Well, I think you should go and when you are there just ask if there is

anything you can do to help out. If they say no then just fade into the background.

I know it's not comfortable for you but it sounds like hubby really wants you there.

*hugs*

[Flying Dream Blues]

2. Just being there is a gift. Since you aren't one of the

really sad ones, you can take on some of the kitchen duties, freshening the food, running for more ice, etc. They will appreciate anything you do!
Hugs to you and your hubby.

Edit: Ooops! I'm sorry, this was quite some time ago. How did it go?

[Pool Hall Ace]

3. I'm just getting around to reading your post!

The short answer is that I am glad I was there for my husband. He was very close to his aunt, and it was very emotional for him.

I believe we were up there for four days, and it was the absolute longest four days of my life. Every afternoon and evening was crammed with family get-togethers. I happen to be highly introverted, and it isn't easy for me to paste on a smile and act like I'm sooo happy to meet people. 8-D

The funeral was excruciating. Two hours prior to the start of the funeral was "calling hours." I thought that was going to be for immediate family, but my mother-in-law wanted *everyone* to be there. So a whole bunch of us from out of town had to hang around the funeral home and twiddle our thumbs. The funeral itself was about an hour long. The minister didn't even really know the deceased, and I had a fidgety toddler sitting right in front of me. I kept thinking, "I know how ya feel, kid." Following the service, the minister said a few words graveside. It took much longer to get everyone in their car and get them over to the cemetery than it did for the graveside service.

We went back to the deceased's home, and as it turns out, I did exactly what you said -- made sure enough food is out, made sure people had drinks, etc. One of the daughters thanked me for being there, and talked about how sweet I was, so I was glad to be of help after such an emotionally grueling day.

When my husband and I got back to our hotel room, he launched into a good long rant about how awful the funeral was! He talked about how his aunt hated attending weddings, funerals, or any formal occasions, and that she would not have wanted that *at all*. Of course the next day on the way home, his mother asked what we thought of the service, and we said it was very nice, very tasteful, etc. :-)

The good thing is that it got us talking about what we do and do not want at our own funeral. And, as I said, I am glad I was there for my husband!