My partner of 24 years passed away on February 18th. There has

[schmuls]

been no closure because his body is still waiting to be cremated. We won't get the autopsy report until April 3rd (6 weeks!) and if we think there has been medical malpractice, we want to have a private pathologist do more tests. Hence, the delay in cremation. That is all the practical stuff. As for me, I still can't believe it happened. He had dealt with rheumatoid arthritis, staph infections and heart problems for nine years. He was struck with extreme pain in his upper extremities and brought to the hospital and less than 2 days later was dead. He knew he wouldn't make it to an old age, but nothing this sudden. I spend my time either being so angry for what happened to him to feeling sorry for myself (sudden financial problems, blah blah). Mostly I miss my best friend so much and wonder if I will ever get over this shock. I'm grateful his family is behind me and will always make me a part of them, as I only have a brother left and he lives in Alaska. Thanks for letting me go on and on. I really need some advice right now.

[auntAgonist]

1. schmuls ..

I feel so bad for your loss!! :hug: I have no advice for you. How awful to have to wait for closure, as closure in itself takes so much time. You have a right to feel sorry for yourself, to feel anger and resentment, and fear! Please check back often and let us know how you're doing! Know that we all care.

:grouphug:

aA

[livetohike]

2. I'm so very sorry schmuls

:hug: It's so much to deal with at once and if you knew for certain what happened to your partner, I know you would have a little relief.

Take everything one day at a time. Please know that all of us here in the bereavement group have experienced losses and we care about you and what you are going through.

Check in whenever you can. :hug:

[flamingyouth]

3. schmuls, I am so sorry for your loss

Do you have family or friends nearby to help you right now? Trying to sort through all of these feelings of shock, loss, anger and everything - it's just overwhelming. I am so sorry for you.

As far as advice goes, I would ask someone you trust to help you with the paperwork and legal issues, if that's possible. After my husband's suicide, I don't know what I would have done without my dad to help sort out the financial paperwork, etc. Right now you have so much to deal with.

Again, my deepest sympathy. :hug:

[schmuls]

4. Thank you all for giving me your words of sympathy and encouragement.

His son and I are handling paperwork together, so I am not alone on that. His family has been supportive and the people who attended his memorial service all told me to call whenever I needed them. I guess the problem is, he was pretty much the only friend I needed, and now he is gone. I have always been pretty much of a loner, so it doesn't occur to me to reach out to people. I'm wondering if people are going to get sick of hearing me speak of him too. The worst thing is I feel jealous when I see couples together. I never thought I'd feel that way, but at the same time I don't think I'll ever want anyone else. I'm pretty hard to get along with. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past, and I'm afraid they will come again. At least before I could talk things over with Jim, and I felt better. As far as meds, I got into some of the worst trouble in my life while I was on psychiatric meds, and it all contributed to a lot of pain with Jim. (long story). It also scares me how I can be handling it so well one day and be plunged into despair the next day. Thanks for listening to me going on and on.

[flamingyouth]

5. Your friends won't get sick of hearing you talk.

I would definitely take people up on their offers of help, whenever you are ready. Even just go out for a cup of coffee.

If you are having thoughts of despair you should speak to a grief counselor. I'm like you, I don't do well on psych meds either. Tell your doctor about your previous bad experiences on these meds. When you're feeling ready, maybe call a community help line for a referral.

Your feelings of being okay one day (or even one hour) and plunging into despair the next are TOTALLY normal. My heart just breaks for you. Please continue to check in with us and let us know how you are doing. :hug:

[schmuls]

6. Thank you for being there!

[auntAgonist]

7. how are you doing schmuls?

I hope the days are getting better for you :hug:

[schmuls]

8. Thank you for thinking of me! Well, I still think I'm in a state of shock

I joined an eight week support group for people whose partner died. I think it is going to help. Still didn't get the autopsy report, someone in group said she has been waiting 3 months! His son (not my son) and I viewed the body at the funeral (this was five weeks after death) and had our own little funeral, although we did have a memorial service one week after the death. All this is because of beauracracy and still not getting the autopsy report. Once that is released, the pathologist Barry hired can look at the body and know how to proceed. I wonder what Jim would think of his body being around seven weeks after death. He just wanted to be cremated and have a little party, which we did. At any rate, I am just getting through every day as best I can. But life is overwhelming at times and chaotic.

[auntAgonist]

9. I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts Schmuls

I just cannot imagine what you must be going through. Reports shouldn't take this long, it's just not right.

You have my heartfelt sympathy for all you're experiencing. I'm really glad you joined a support group. It will sure help you to sort out your feelings and come to terms with how things are. We're all here for you. Hang in there. Feel free to message or add to the thread. I'll be thinking about you!


aA
kesha.

[flamingyouth]

10. I'm glad you joined the group, schmuls

I'm so sorry about the waiting - that must be so hard. It's great that you were able to have a little party.

I hope things can be resolved for you soon. You're in my thoughts. :hug:

[schmuls]

11. Thank you to everyone for your good thoughts. It means a lot.