Five months later, I've turned into a walking puddle of grief.

[RevCheesehead]

Last Tuesday, it was 5 months since my mom died. And I cried all day long. I just let it out, and tried to carry on as best I could.

But what really pisses me off is the lack of sympathy from some people in my church (my place of work). I guess because I'm the pastor, I'm not supposed to feel grief and loss. I'm not allowed to have bad days, or times when I simply cannot be there for others... and I resent the hell out of it.

For me, it's not a matter of faith, or belief in the afterlife. That has given me more hope and courage than I ever thought possible. But what I miss is just picking up the phone for the hell of it, and calling mom to tell her what's going on in my life. I miss my friendship with her. Bless my dad - he really tries, and our relationship has grown even closer. But it's just not the same.

[livetohike]

1. Just let it out Rev. Cheesehead

:hug:

It amazes me how some people can't empathize with other's grief. We are "supposed to" be happy because our loved ones have gone to Heaven, they are out of pain, etc., etc. Many times, the people saying these things have not lost someone close such as a parent or sibling.

People mean well, many don't know what to say to those who grieve.

Try to think of the good timew with your Mom. The grief will slowly subside. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

2. Thanks, hike.

I think what's intensifying things for me lately is that I'm having some really weird dreams about her. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

3. Screw them Rev!!

These feelings of grief and missing your Mom are very real to you and shape your day to day life. And yes, bless your Dad, I'm sure it's hard for him too. It's been 9 years this month since my Mum passed away. I STILL want to pick up the phone and call her. I STILL say I need to go visit Mum and Dad .. then correct myself. I still cry. Thank God for tears, they cleanse the heart of pain I think.

bless you Rev, I hope the days get easier for you. Your Mom is always with you, you know that.

:hug:
kesha

[RevCheesehead]

4. Kesha, I always know I can count on you for a laugh!

Screw 'em! :rofl:

Yeah, if they can't keep up, if they can't empathize, if they don't give a damn about anyone except themselves, they are screwed.

Today's a better day. Taking my Zoloft helped - but I needed a break, and I needed to cry. It's been very healing. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

5. I'm glad today's better

:hug:

love ya Rev!!

kesha.

[RevCheesehead]

6. me, too!

:hug:

[havocmom]

7. Gosh, has it been 5 months?

:hug: for the Rev

Best advice I ever got regarding what to do to help a pal who suffered a bad loss from a death: 'Be there now if she needs you, but MAKE DAMNED SURE you are there in 3-6 months! That's when she will really need you. The shock wears off, the numbness subsides and the real loss starts to register.'

Wish we could make the hurt go away, Rev. But the hole in your life will be there, and damned tender from time to time.

Iffin anybody at 'work' has a problem with you being human, send 'em to me! I'll talk their leg off until they surrender.

Yeah, those calls not being possible really do punch ya in the gut. But, talk to her anyway. Sure, you won't have the comfort of her voice, but talk to her. Keep that circuit open. We all need someone we can trust to vent to and share our fears. Talk to your mom, the bond of love didn't stop.

Talk to her, out loud. Just saying what you'd want her to hear will be a small help. Keep her in your heart and she is not lost to you.

Just be damned sure no one is around when you chat it up! Trust me on this one ;)

Coming up on three years since my nephew died. I miss his laughter. Some days I weep still, but dreams give me some comfort. I can 'speak with him' then... and hear that infectious laugh. I wake up happy and peaceful.

Strength AND understanding to the Rev.

[RevCheesehead]

8. Thanks, havocmom

It's been a while since I've been able to get down to see Dad. And when I go back home, I usually stop at the cemetery and sit by the belltower to talk to mom. (it's where her ashes are kept). For some reason, it's important to have a place to go. Being 200 miles away is difficult. So I'm trying to keep those kinds of conversations alive here, too.

I really appreciate your response, more than I can express right now.
Thank you, my friend. :hug:

[flamingyouth]

9. I think people are sympathetic to a point

There seems to be an expiration date on it, like a 90-day coupon or something.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you were supposed to stop grieving two months ago, this is an unauthorized crying spell. This will not do." :eyes:

Anyway, I'm sorry that this has happened. It sucks. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

10. Thanks for the hug.

I think you're right. They think that after a few months, all should be back to normal. They forget the impact of holidays, birthdays, and vacation times spent together. I nearly broke down at the local street fair, because I saw something I knew my mom would like. It's that kind of stuff that's hard to explain, and also very painful.

I need to confront one church woman. She made some crack about a choir party "you know, the one that you never attend." I was going to respond, "yeah, it's a good thing my mom's dead now, so I don't have to worry about her, or take her to her doctor's appointments." I don't know if I'll go that far, but I WILL tell her that her comments were hurtful to me.