I'm feeling anger now.

[Cleita]

My husband died three months ago, no fault of his, I guess he couldn't live any longer, but I feel angry. I feel as if he has abandoned me. The thing is that I intellectually know that when a lover abandons you, you still may see him around, maybe even get a little bit even with him. When your lover dies, there is no way you can ever know him again. It still makes me angry. It's not his fault. It's my fault that I feel angry. I just don't know how to deal with it.

[Nite Owl]

1. Cleita this is normal

http://www.york-united-kingdom.co.uk/funerals/grief/
2) ANGER

We get angry. The anger can manifest itself in many ways. We can blame others for our loss. We can become easily agitated having emotional outbursts. We can even become angry with ourselves. Care must be taken here not to turn this anger inwards. Release of this anger is a far better way to cope with grief in my experience.


The stages are: denial, anger bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

I guess it's just something we have to work through. It's been nearly ten years and I think I am still working on the acceptance thing. They all seem to come back at times.

It isn't your fault at all. Try to find some balance of being with others and doing things and letting this work out in your time alone. Just know that this is normal and there is nothing wrong with you. There is no right way to go through this, it will just happen at your own pace.


:hug: :hug:

[Cleita]

2. Thanks for the insight and the website.

Maybe a list of helpful websites is needed here.

[Rhiannon12866]

3. I am so sorry, but I agree that the anger is normal.

My mother still yells at my father for leaving her and she was terrible to him, while he was sick. You didn't tell us what happened, but that's okay. That he's gone is enough to deal with. I'm so sorry. I understand both your anger and pain. But knowing it's normal may not be enough. Maybe you should talk to someone, depending on how you're feeling. But please feel free to post more here, if you need to talk.

Rhiannon :hug:

[Cleita]

4. I was not terrible to him.

I know what you mean though. I helped my mother look after my father and she often lost patience with him. I vowed never to do the same if I married and came to the point where I took care of my ailing husband like she did.

I was his full time care giver and often it was almost too much, but I loved doing it because I loved having him around, to be able to talk to him, to take him on little outings when he felt up to it.

He was also well monitored by medical staff, who knew what I did and didn't do. We lived in our own "granny digs" with his daughter and her husband. They have welcomed me to stay on if I wish as long as I wish. If I had been mean to him they would have known it, but I wouldn't have been been to him anyway. I loved him.

I'm angry because he left me. It wasn't supposed to end this way. I really feel like I have been dumped by a long time boyfriend. Yet, I know this is all so irrational. I just don't know how to make the hurt go away.

The link posted above says it's normal though, so I guess it will take time to let go of these feelings.

[Nite Owl]

5. How you doing Cleita?

I know what you mean that it's like he walked out on you. I was left to bring up two sons and all I could think was it should have been me, they need a father more but the responsibility was all mine. It does pass and now the relationship with them is strong and loving. Maybe this was supposed to be, it works out somehow. Over time it does and it can't be rushed. Time. It can't just go away but you will learn to cope and adapt.

Just visiting over here and hope you doing ok.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. My dad is also dealing with the "she left me" feelings. :^( They seem

to be overwhelming him at times.

[Nite Owl]

9. All the dreams, the plans for the

future, the things you were supposed to do together, they seem like broken promises, like you were stood up. Life is never the same but it can still be good. You can still enjoy things. It doesn't go away but you do come to accept that life is just going to be different. Forever. That last stage, the acceptance part will come but it doesn't mean it's something you are suddenly happy about, you just know you are going on with life.

[Cleita]

7. I am really trying to look ahead, but coming down

with Shingles didn't help. They've been hanging around for three weeks now and the doctors have done everything they can do for me. Now they say it will take time for this to go away. Pain killers help, but not entirely. I am presently trying to research some folk cures because modern medicine doesn't seem to have a clue about how to deal with virus infections.

I'm on my way to the local Chinese food takeout to get some Hot and Sour Soup. A friend says it helped her pain when she had Shingles. Right now I will try anything and Hot and Sour soup at least sounds good to eat.

Of course feeling miserable physically and that makes you even more inclined to be unhappy. Thanks for caring.

[Nite Owl]

8. I've heard that is

very painful. Hope you are feeling better.

[Digit]

10. Cleita, sorry you are in such pain

I have heard Shingles can be a bitch. Pardon the language.
I truly wish you find a folk cure soon for that malady.