Just need to vent a bit

[pecwae]

My husband is taking a Complicated Grief course for the CEUs to keep his professional counselor license. He needed to do an interview with someone who had suffered a significant loss more than 12 months prior. Well, here I am; 8 years after my son was killed, 4 years after my mother died, 3 cancer dx in 3 years. He said he couldn't use me; that the relationship was too close.

Anyway, we got into this huge argument because I told him that although I understood I still felt like my grief was not being acknowledged. See, this isn't the first time I've felt this way. Aaron's birthday and death anniversary has come and gone for 8 years now and I'm the only one who seems to notice. I have to act 'normal' so as not to upset the rest of the family.

Now he says he can't discuss his grief class with me because it will make me feel bad. He's a damn counselor and can't understand that I NEED to talk about my son...to someone who actually cares! I've felt like I've been walking on eggs for years. I feel like I always have to be careful of everyone else's feelings and never mention Aaron. Well, I'm sick of it!

In the end I told my husband to consider interviewing a colleague whose son was killed 6 years ago. It turns out that the interviewee was so grateful for the chance to talk about his Michael that the interview lasted over 2 hours. He said that he and his wife feel the same as I; no one wants to hear about their son. Everyone they meet would rather just pretend as if Michael never existed. It makes conversation so much easier.

I just needed to get this out of my system. Thanks for being here.

[CC]

1. Can't offer much but a

:hug:.
On the talking about your son, do it. Don't worry about others and how they will take it. You might find that they too need to talk about him. I just always talked about my son (still do). If it made people uncomfortable that was their problem. By talking about him it allowed others to feel that it was ok to talk about him too. Also have you ever thought about talking with your colleague about both boys? It sounds like they need the chance to talk as much as you do.

You could also tells us stories about him here. I know it isn't the same as talking to those that knew him but plenty of us would love to learn about him and it is a caring place with people that are willing to listen and do understand.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[pecwae]

2. Thank you CC

You offer far more than you realize.:hug: You're right about the colleague; we're having dinner together soon.

I'm sorry for your loss. I've found that time does not heal all wounds, but that the edges soften somewhat over the years. Another:hug:

[flamingyouth]

3. Oh my dear pecwae

:hug::loveya::hug::loveya:

It breaks my heart to read this: "Aaron's birthday and death anniversary has come and gone for 8 years now and I'm the only one who seems to notice. I have to act 'normal' so as not to upset the rest of the family."

I do hope you have someone to talk to, a "safe place" (so to speak) where you can share your feelings. You have so much going on in your life. I'm sorry that this has caused a disagreement in your home.

There is a silver lining here, though; the interviewee got a chance to talk about his own loss and deeply appreciated the opportunity.

This thread brings up a subject I've long wanted to discuss. I have an acquaintance (not a close friend) whose two daughters were killed seven years ago Jan. 31 in a plane crash. I went to their memorial, which was just heart-wrenching. A couple of weeks ago I told her I was thinking of her this month, and I could see that she appreciated that I mentioned it. At first, I wasn't sure whether or not I should say something, but afterward, I was glad I did. We talked about the girls a bit.

My heart goes out to all who have lost children. :hug: