I Am Sorry To Burden Everyone

[Irishonly]

December has been a horrible month for so many people on DU. I can't really talk to my husband or daughter so I am writing to clear my head.

Earlier today we learned that one of the neighbor kids was shot and killed last night. I call him a kid because I have known him for seventeen years. For many years, our home was Rudy's home away from home. He came to me when he had problems with school. He watched my daughter and I lost count of how many times I set an extra place at our dinner table. When I was in cancer treatment Rudy would come down and play video games. It helped keep my mind off my troubles.

A couple of years ago Rudy started hanging out with friends. He didn't visit very often but he was still the same old Rudy when he was here. I worried because I figured he was going to get into trouble with a couple of the guys in the group. It was more like a crew and not a full fledged gang. A year ago he was shot and almost died. He started turning his life around. We still didn't see much of him with the exception of an occasional wave and he would come down every once in a while to see if we were ok.

It changed today. As soon as I found out I went to his house. Talking to his brother and sister was hard but his mom broke my heart.

My family has been hit with 15 deaths in the past four years, either family members or people who were like family. This is the third death since August and there have been two this month alone. The other death was a man who was like my daughter's second dad. When I was in cancer treatment she stayed with them when I would end up in the hospital.

Three years ago my brother in law committed suicide. My husband found him. His brother shot himself and was clutching a Bible. We had him convinced to see a psychiatrist on the day he decided to end his life. My husband had what they call a severe depressive episode and is not also diagnosed with PTSD. My daughter lost her best friend the following month and we have been dealing with everything that each new death creates.

[onecent]

1. Irish, you are not being a burden. I totally agree many

have difficulties through the holidays. My husband passed away July 28th, 2007. Some days I feel I have so much energy and could jump over the moon, then I realize I absolutely don't have ANY energy.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Rudy. I don't know what to say, because I am having a great deal of roller coaster riding time for the last couple of weeks...and don't look forward to the 24th or the 25th.

I do because I will be with his 3 sons and their families, (they are 22 years my family)...but this is the first Christmas without Dan....so I don't know what to expect.

I will send you good thoughts and strength to carry you through.

Hugs
Penny

[flashl]

2. Sending good vibes to you and your family.

[easttexaslefty]

3. Irishonly

I wish I knew what to say to you. I don't. I feel terrible for your family. I found my son. He had hung himself in his workshop. He lived in a garage apt.on our property. That night at work his car had been repossed.We didn't even know he was behind on bills or depressed. He had tons of friends who would have helped him.
What has helped me: Talking. I talk to everyone about Danny. Anyone who calls. Anyone I run into that I know. My therapist. I write letters to Danny. I cry every time I feel like it. We go to a suicide survivors group. I take medication. I joined an on-line parents of suicide group. I try to take it on day at a time. All I can tell you to do for Rudy's family: ask them what they need. Keep checking on them. Bring them food. Tell them you will never forget their son. Don't stop calling them after time passes. That's when they will really need someone to talk to.
I am so sorry,

[pecwae]

4. You're never a burden to us.

Never, ever concern yourself with that. I only wish you had no reason to be here.

My thoughts are with you. It's so much to have to cope with.

[flamingyouth]

5. You could never be a burden, my friend.

I am so sorry for everything. You've just been through so much and my heart goes out to you. It does seem to multiply with each death, I think (or at least it does for me). Keeping you in my thoughts. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

6. I am so sorry.

I didn't see this until now. The holidays were too hard this year, and I admit, I avoided this group because I just couldn't bring myself to deal with my own grief.

You've been through more than most have. But I'd say that your reaching out is a positive sign that you want to find healing for yourself and your family. This group can help you get started, but you may want to find a professional grief counselor to guide you.

I hope you got through the holidays alright. Bless you in your journey. :hug: