My mother died @ 91 expectedly. I should be able to handle that

[Help_I_Live_In_Idaho]

I expected to deal with it well and it didn't get to me on a conscious level. I didn't cry initially. I was just very depressed, but it didn't seem to be related to the death. I blamed it on where I live, (in the land of rednecks and fundamentalists) and where I work (as a psychotherapist with the financially and often morally impoverished) but it seems now that after 2 months what I'm really pissed about is losing a relationships where I have virtually none. Somehow I plugged this into my anger over my isolation in Idaho. I lost it with my boss 2 weeks ago and I feel better.

Being in mental health with experience in hospice, I should know how to handle this - but I don't - ??? Just needed to say that. Just need some of what I give - human understanding perhaps.

[auntAgonist]

1. It's so easy to look after other people

and neglect what's really going on in our own hearts and minds isn't it? My sincere condolences on the loss of your dear Mother.
I'm one of those people who can be there for others and bottle things up in my self. I get angry at the strangest things and it's a while till I correlate to what the real problem is be it grief / loss or fear or a combination of all.

I'm not a therapist and I don't play one on TV either :)
I do send you lots of warm wishes and a virtual hug or two. :hug: :hug:

I do understand where you're coming from I think. I'm glad you sought out the bereavement group. There are a few very loving and caring people here who I'm sure can relate to you on one level or another.

:hug: and again, my condolences to you and your family.

aA
kesha.

[Help_I_Live_In_Idaho]

2. This means a lot

I honestly haven't received any real support from co-workers or anyone else. Sometimes it helps most to talk about these things with a person who has no vested interest. It reminds me that there are people out there with heart and humanity.

One of the hardest things about doing this work is that it seems so often that the humanity and heart of relationships, community, giving and feeling are lost in the general population. I find myself asking myself if I am supporting greed, sociopathy, gluttony and narcissism at the cost of what would be community love.

So, living in an individualistic societal wasteland as we do, it comes down to people like you who take the time and effort to share a feeling of empathy and care to a hurting soul.

Thank you, and I want you to know I will pass your sacred gift on to another soul left empty and in need of connection.

[yellerpup]

3. Nobody can predict how they will grieve.

And grief seems to go by its own timetable. I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your feelings of isolation and alienation in "the land of rednecks and fundamentalists" (I'm from OK originally, so I relate). Don't beat yourself up because you think you should know better due to your experience in the mental health field. Mourning is something that seems to bypass all intellectual faculties. :hug:

[Help_I_Live_In_Idaho]

4. So True

Many thanks for the kind words
:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

5. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think that no matter the circumstances, an unexpected death is utterly painful because it knocks the world out from underneath you. :hug:

As to the "I should be able to handle this.." - well, you're playing my song. What I'm finding out, two years later, is that while I tried to handle my mom's death, I really needed to talk to someone... just so i could talk about her.

Being a pastor is at times a very lonely job. I would imagine the same would be true for a psychotherapist as well. We have plenty of people who want to talk to us, but very few who take the time to listen.

This is a safe group, and the people here listen very carefully. I like to think of it as cyber-group therapy. :) Please feel free to come here whenever you need an ear/eye. That's why we're all here. :hug:

Ruth

[Help_I_Live_In_Idaho]

6. Thank You

:hi:

[livetohike]

7. I'm so sorry for your loss

:hug: It seems that when we grieve, it brings up all sorts of emotions and thoughts that we have hidden from ourselves.....or just stayed so busy that these things didn't surface.

I hope the good memories of times with your Mom will help ease the sadness. I lost my Dad (age 80) nearly four years ago. As time passes, you'll be able to think more clearly, form a plan and keep on living....:hug:.