Widows and widowers . . .

[Bullwinkle925]

What do you do when you feel the excruciating pain of the absence of touch?
I feel like screaming, I'm so lonely!
I'm tired of sleeping in a bed by myself.
It has almost been a year and seems like yesterday.

[RevCheesehead]

1. Bullwinkle....

I have no words of advice, since I've never been married.
But I do have several of these, which I hope will help a little bit:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[yy4me]

2. Bullwinkle925, My thoughts are with you.

Now and forever more, I will feel the same way. I am not the same person, the other half of what was "me" is not here and I function now on a very low level. Just enough to pass the day. I want to leave my job but I can't. I need to do work around the house that he used to do but I seem to just ignore the obvious things. I have no energy. It has been over 2 months but the loneliness is crushing. In a year, it will be no better for me, I know it. I have resigned myself to this.

I would feel like a traitor if I pretended that this sadness will pass. It is my way, I suppose of reminding myself of what was so good in my life. Things were not always easy for us and they will not be now for me. We worked hard, enjoyed each others company and that is what counted. I don't smile much any more.

[Mari333]

3. what helped me

healing massages at a massage therapists office. really helped.

[Pryderi]

4. Bullwinkle925, I lost my wife of 17 years 2 years ago

We were more in love with each other when she passed away than when we first met. She was a Boston liberal that converted me from a repuglican. She made me a better person and I have missed her terribly.

One of the most important lessons she taught me was to keep on living. One of her favorite sayings was from the movie "Mame"..."Life is a banquet, and most fools are starving to death!"

After she died, I started to reach out by joining a Unitarian Universalist church < I hadn't been to church for 25 years up till then>, went to grief counseling, quit my job and cried my eyes out for months.

We had talked about how much we loved each other and what we would do if either one of us died. I said that I had found the love of my life and that I wouldn't be able to find another one as wonderful as her, that I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else and wouldn't want to. She said that I should find someone if she predeceased me.

I met someone a year and a half ago and re-married a couple of months ago with the blessing of my adult daughter. Both of us went through counseling as neither one of us wanted our relationship to be the worst rebound relationship ever.

We are both very happy, and I know my 1st wife is happy for both of us. My current wife wishes she could've known my 1st wife, and the 2 of them are so wonderful that I almost believe in Mormonism.

I know the hole in the soul that happens when you lose a spouse.

Keep reaching out, keep looking for love.

[Bullwinkle925]

5. You are so very lucky ....

I've been trying the *dating* scene .... ie Craigslist, Match.com and have to say that so far it has been a very shallow experience.
Of course, it doesn't help matters much that I don't know what it is I'm looking for. I'm so confused, lonely, numb, and God knows
what else.
My house is a wreck. I barely keep up with what needs to be done ..... dishes, laundry. That's about it. I do vacuum maybe 2x a month.
My husband passed away 2 months shy of our 33rd anniversary. He was ill for 10 years and the last year and a half was pure HELL.
I admire you for your presence of mind in seeking counseling with your new relationship.
I made the mistake of falling for a guy a few months ago who wasn't good for me. It is also HELL to have your heart broken just
months after losing a spouse. I must be a glutton for punishment on some level.
I know that I have way too much time on my hands, but I'm having difficulties in making decisions as to what I want to do with myself.
I really, really HATE THIS!
BW925