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I've never posted in this particular forum, although I read it sometimes.
I'm 36 and I've smoked for 20 years, usually just over a pack per day. A dozen years ago, I went to one of those group hypnosis at the Holiday Inn sort of things. I think I lasted 2 days. I haven't made a serious attempt since then. Well, I did see the doctor and got some Wellbutrin last year after Peter Jennings died. That freaked me out. And I really never went anywhere with it. I just liked smoking too much.
Now I've been without a cigarette for 2 days, and I'm feeling fine, and I'm very surprised--surprised that I even decided to quit (it was almost accidental--read on), and surprised that it's more painless than I thought it would be. I know I'm not "out of the woods" yet, but the 2-day success seems to add incentive not to pick one up again.
I got a call from my sister last weekend. She's a very healthy person, runner, yoga instructor, and so on. She has a masters in a nutrition-related degree, and she's an ex-smoker. So periodically she'd urge me to quit. So she called the other night during the intermission at a Dave Brubeck concert (can you believe he's still going at 85?). She knows I like Brubeck and that I like to (try to) play some of his tunes. So she called me and talked about the music. Then she said that the reason she called me had more to do with smoking...some sort of thought she had while watching the concert about me not being around to enjoy music such as this. It was vague, it was late (3 hours later where I am), and I still don't completely understand what sort of thought or epiphany she had. We hung up the phone after I thanked her for thinking about me.
I didn't think a great deal about this the next couple of days, but I did consider it some. Meantime, I have been taking Wellbutrin in hopes of just cutting down, smoking less than a pack per day. Wednesday morning, I woke up and I had 2 or 3 cigarettes just to get that level of nicotine going for me. Those were the last cigarettes I smoked. On my way to work, I just kind of opted not to have a smoke. I sometimes play little games with myself to withhold cigarettes, again, in an attempt to smoke less, not necessarily to quit. So on Wednesday, I told myself I'd only have one cigarette before lunch and one after lunch, then go back to normal levels of smoking like a chimney after 5PM. I got busy at work, didn't end up smoking. I think I had lunch at my desk that day. At some point in the afternoon, I got up to go outside and smoke. I stopped by the restroom. After exiting the restroom, I thought, you know, I don't really want a cigarette that badly, so I'll skip it. One thing led to another and the work day ended. Then I went with my family to the in-laws for dinner. By the end of dinner, I had decided to try to go the whole day without smoking. That was really the first conscious time I thought that this would become a quit attempt. I guess lots of things were churning in my mind: the concern my sister showed, even if I didn't totally understand it, thoughts of my kids and how very, very stupid it would be to die from smoking.
I bought patches and, again, I'm taking Wellbutrin. I also bought about 38 packs of gum, Altoids, etc. I'm a little jumpy here and there. I've done enough of the habitual things that I'm starting to get used to doing these things without smoking, e.g., sitting down at my home pc, driving in my car, having a cigarette after a meal. I still think about smoking at all of these times, but I believe I'm beginning to get used to not smoking during these events. Sometimes at work, I'll stand up in my cube and wonder what to do....I would normally be headed outside to smoke.
It has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. And I know I'll have difficult days ahead. I'm wondering what the weekend will be like, since I'll have a lot of free time. My basic plan is to play the hell out of the piano all weekend and go for walks, things like that.
I can't yet tell that food tastes better, although I'm looking forward to that. Oh, and speaking of food, before I started this quit attempt, I decided I needed to lose some weight. I've been eating a salad at lunch every day and a very small dinner at night. I'm still doing that, so not only do I hope to not gain weight when quitting smoking, I'm actually hoping to lose weight. So far, that's going just fine also.
There is one almost immediate benefit: I don't smell like smoke. Sure, I know all of my clothes will need to be washed because of residual smoke, but otherwise, I don't smell like cigarettes. I don't have to compulsively wash my hands at work all the time because I don't want to smell like smoke. I don't feel the need to back away from people I talk to in close quarters. I've been in a habit of doing this because I know that a smoker's breath can be very offensive. So I still have an Altoid habit, but for a different reason now. It's a cigarette replacement instead of attempted cigarette concealment. So I'd say that the immediate effect is an improvement in social situations.
I'll feel very foolish if I have to come back to this post in the future and tell you how I started smoking again, but if that's what happens, I'll come back and negate all of this. But for right now, I feel pretty strong about the whole thing. We'll see what happens as the patches go down to lower levels, what happens when I quit the wellbutrin, what happens the next time I uncork a bottle of wine. But I'm off to a good start, and I wanted to share that on the off-chance that it will give insight to someone else preparing to quit.
Thanks.
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