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After voting Feb. 5th and feeling good about life I caught the flu my husband had that evening and by Fri. was in the hospital needing oxygen Bad. I hadn't been in a hospital since I was 30 yrs. old., Ok, cataract surgery too. Anyway, I have emphysema and with being really sick with the flu was one miserable person. A person that smokes for 50 years and then is smacked down by the thing you know was Stupid is damned depressing. Stayed in hospital about 3 days, came home with air tank, that's fun... but hey, each day is a bit better and haven't had a cig since about the 6th or 7th of Feb., only cause I physically couldn't. So far I am Trying to not dwell on the negative. I went to whyquit.com and I like the positive outlook it preaches. Really it's cold turkey but makes sense in my weak brain. I eat everything in sight, drink anything I want, suck on suckers like crazy. Tell myself when I think of a cig to try to divert the mind to something ridiculously simple minded as I think I tend to want to treat myself to certain things in life, like the computer, DU, solitaire, that for years couldn't do as I was suppose to be mom and useful, cook, clean, ugh, all that stuff. Now I can be a happy slob but, without a cig. That's not a bad deal if I can make it happen. Being nearly 70 years old almost makes it seem dumb to try now but, hell, breathing is damned important and there for awhile it was doubtful......
I keep the msg. at whyquit.com on my favorites so I can click and read. About once a day, usually in late afternoon I get ancy, irritable, pissed. That's the time to time my ugly thoughts and know it will pass especially if I can distract my self somehow....ugh...
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