Found name of ex-wife on father's tombstone

[udbcrzy2]

I've had something very weird happen the other day. I've never heard of this situation before.
My father who passed in 1985 and who had 2-ex-wives and 1-surviving wife. He also had children
from his 1st marriage. Apparently his other children from the 1st marriage (his divorced 1st wife)
have added their mother's name to my fathers headstone. This is very hurtful to me and also to my step-mother
the surviving widow.

I called one of the children and was told that he would not remove the name. I guess now
I will have to get an attorney to set the record straight. The weird thing is that my step-mother
was married to my father for over 20 years before he passed. The 1st wife was married to him for
like 18 years, but was divorced from him for over 35 years before he passed.

The 1st wife is still living. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd? Does anyone know of a
law preventing this sort of misrepresentation?

[sybylla]

1. Who paid for the stone?

If your father's estate or step-mom/kids paid for the stone, I can't see how she could legally have her name added without permission of those who paid for it. I think it's worth one of those "free" consults with a lawyer - the lawyer who handled your father's estate would know more than anyone else who has legal standing here.

The other alternative is to have the date of divorce added in very large type. Could even be done in a way to "obscure" the woman's name.

[udbcrzy2]

2. Yeah you are right about seeing an attorney

I really hate to have to file a lawsuit. My step-mother cried when she saw it, she is 84 years old.
And besides that, she is the surviving widow who was married to him the longest. That family is so
twisted. No wonder he divorced her. My father even moved across the country at one point only to
have them follow him there. Yep, this needs to be over and the law is the way to go. Thanks for your
advice.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. Who legally owns the plot?

If it is your step-mother, and the kids from the first marriage paid for the stone, I do believe she can ask for it to be removed by the cemetery owner. If the ownership issue is in limbo, or shared, then I would suggest either putting the "divorced" on the stone or erecting another one setting the record straight.

[udbcrzy2]

4. Not sure yet

If a person dies and they are buried in a plot I assume that the plot belongs to the deceased as a gift. I also assume that the surviving kin have a say on what is to happen with that plot according to this order: 1. Surviving widow. 2. Children of the deceased. 3. Other surviving relatives. Not sure, but I have an appointment with an attorney. This is just so strange. The 1st family is absolutely sooo twisted. They were spoiled brats when I was a child and apparently still are. These folks are in their 60's and the worse part of it is that they are repukes. And I have been recently getting hangup calls. Very sick...

[sybylla]

5. Whatever you do, try to keep a cool head.

I'm sure you'll feel better after your appointment with the attorney, once you have some idea who has standing and how to proceed.

Best of Luck!

Please post back here to let us know how things are resolved.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. In my family, the family owns the plot

meaning the head of the family and their spouse. When they decease, the plot's ownership goes to the executor of the estate unless designated otherwise by the the will, as the plot is part of the estate (especially important if there are maintenance fees to be paid). Best of luck in getting this straightened out.

[katkat]

7. ask the cemetery

who owns the plot. In my experience there is an actual deed and the cemetery has records of ownership.

I'm not clear on your relationship - are you a child of the first wife?